I know it is long but please read.
My senior year of high school which was in 2008 I started dating my best friend. Everything was perfect. We had the most unique, romantic, friendly and fun relationship ever. However in college we did the long distance thing. We made it work for my 4 years of college by skyping, watchin the same tv shows at the same time, texting, calling. We would see eachother when we could visit and spent the summers still in love.
My last year of college things go rocky and we were fighting all the time. She had a few problems and the happiness was not there for a while. I became so confused and being away did not help at all. I did not know what I wanted anymore and I ended up breaking up with her in December of 11. I did not know what to do and wanted to let every resolve just cause I was being selfish I guess. I left her foolishly as I was still 21 years old and felt kind of panicked or trapped.
After we broke up we had a rough patch for about a month and a half and we did not talk for a while. She says I left her at her lowest point and feels so hurt and I am desperate to get her back. We ended up kissing over spring break but then she said she was still hurt. Now it has been 8 months and for some reason now I feel lower than ever. She says she cannot feel anything emotionally to anyone however she has a guy she has known for a while who she said she could date if she wanted too and said they kiss and hold hands occasionally but its nothing serious. She will send me pictures of her and what she is doing through texts and I tell her how I am still attracted to her and it is hard for me to be friends and she will send me pictures of her in heels and like a body shot in her outfit. I can tell when we hug and leave each other it is a long hug and we both do not want to let go. I cant take it anymore and she will say how hurt she was but will leave me hanging with remarks that hint that eventually she could let me back in but wants to figure out herself. Plus I dont know about this other guy. I told her that I would give her some space and let her figure out what she wants and I cannot talk to her while she is talking like this with other guys. I just started the no contact thing and it is extremely hard as she has been my rock basically for about 5 years. I know I messed it up but I am a good guy and she knows that and knows how much I care for her. I was just acting immaturely at the time.
She used to tell me how she wanted to marry me and stuff and being a guy and so young I wasnt fully focused on marriage however I could never imagine my life without her and now it seems to have really hit me hard.