need cure

[aesop]

I met this girl in College; I was hanging out at a coffee shop. It was probable around 11 pm; I just got out of nehongo 1a. (Japanies) We only talked for a few minutes, and I didn't see her again for quite some time, but when I bumped into her again, I still remember her name, and we got to talking about every thing we could think of. And every ones in a while I'd bump into her at the coffee shop. Eventually I ended up inviting her out to a party I was throwing, We kissed, and after that were almost inseparable.
To the point I stopped even notching other women, and would have probable eloped with her given the chance; because I really felt there was some thing there. I loved her voice, I loved her smile, I loved what she said and how it made me laugh. And I thought I did the same things for her.

But eventually things fell apart, and it ended rather horrible. And I couldn't feel a thing. I couldn't cry, I couldn't hate, I couldn't love, or shout. TV, movies, books, radio, art, friends, It all felt soul crushing. Bitter, and without much feeling at all. So I tried to fake it, keep going, with me hoping every thing would snap back to normal.
But it didn't, things just got worse, so I stopped doing every thing, because nothing seemed to be working. Looking back I can say every thing I was trying just made it worse.
Eventually I moved, changed phone numbers, got a super busy job, and for the first time in a long while things just kind of stayed still. It was 5 years before I felt normal, and could even shed a tear about any of this. It was another 3 years before I started dating again. And i've had some great relationships sense then.

The thing is, even after every thing that happened. I still catch my self thinking about her. I still remember her laugh, her smile, the inflection of how she spoke. I don't find my self thinking about any of my other x-es like this. And I can't say i've felt the same kind of connection; with any of the women i've dated. I had such an emotional, ineffectual, and physical connection I remember feeling for her.
I don't have any photos of her, I don't have her number, the mutual friends we had, I cut ties with. And it's now been close to 13 years sense all this ended.

And even if I could get ahold of her. I realize the person I loved, may not have been the person she was. Or even if she was, I'm not the person I was back then, and she's probable changed as well. So what ones was , would never be the same. And it's been so long; that I can't even trust my own memory of her or what had happened.
Yet I haven't been able to shake her memory or my fondness I have for her. I don't think I could have ever imagined I would still be thinking of her so long after the fact.

I now realize just how preciouses it is to love some one, and for them to love you back.

[cheekxs]

leave her alone!

[aesop]

That's kind of a given, I don't live any where near her, or having any way to contact her. And even if I could, witch I can't, I don't think it would be a good idea ether. So I'm left with these feelings.

[johndemi]

You're pretty right guys. I would also prefer to avoid her as much as I could if I were in your situation.