Hello all

Mine is the usual story. I met a beautiful women through work and we became good friends and started seeing each other outside the work place. Just little trips to the cinema, walks during lunch etc. At the time she was in a troubled relationship and found it difficult to form friendships with most people thanks to a language barrier. I am more patient than most people so she found it easier to talk to me. I don't have many female friends so her confiding in me made me feel quite special and useful. ("the cruelest thing you can do to a lonely man is make him feel useful"-Steinbeck)

But eventually she made other friends who she would spend a lot of time with, always individually. I began to feel I was on a rota system - a week of constant emails, tea breaks, walks etc, then nothing for about a month while she started taking her breaks with other men, then it was my turn again. I felt used and resentful; I tried to accept it was her right to spend her time with whoever she wanted and that I should treat the time she did spend with me almost as of a form a grace. But the feeling of being used persisted.

Eventually she left the company and found another job. We kept in contact through emails and the occasional dinner/lunch/drink/usual friend stuff. The rota system was still rolling on - four or five days of constantly meeting and talking, followed by a few weeks of being ignored. Unfortunately during this time I fell in love with her. She went from being an attractive friend who made me feel useful, to somebody who was always on my mind. Not being able to see her, or to talk with her, left me with the worst cravings I have felt, far worse than quitting my 30 a day smoking habit.

I didn't see or really speak to her for nearly three months. She ignored most of my messages and emails, just occasionally replaying saying 'Im really busy in work' and I stopped contacting her because I didn't want to annoy her too much. I discovered she went on holidays with a male friend who later came to visit her, staying for a few days in her apartment. So I assumed she had found another boyfriend and didn't need/want my friendship any more. The feeling of being used just grew.

But it turns out she really was working long hours and was feeling very lonely and unhappy living in this country because she couldn't connect with most people because of the language barrier. So she has decided to go home to her own country and I will probably never see her again.

Here is my dilemma : Before she leaves in six or seven weeks time, should I tell her how I feel about her ? I think I need to 'come clean' for my own mental sanity and to help me move on, but am I just being selfish ? I don't want her last memories of me to be an embarrassing conversation a few days before she flies home for good.

Also, I want to give her a little present. Nothing big or heavy. Just a little keepsake that might remind her of me in ten years time. Does anyone have any ideas? I was thinking of a necklace or some jewelry.