My gf thinks I raped her please give me advice.

[metabollica]

This is going to be a long post as there is a lot of stuff that has to be said.

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 4 years. The last 2 years have been almost perfect. We have been so happy recently together and had been talking about the extremes of having children and possible marriage (although she doesn't like the idea of marriage).

Our sex life was very active, we did it quite a lot. She enjoys having sex with me a lot and me her. She's the only person I've ever slept or been with (in a serious relationship) and she pretty much introduced me to everything I know about sex. She is generally the dominant one during sex and in the relationship in general but I don't really mind, I would trust her with my life as I love her so much.

During our sex life it basically worked on the premise that if she was turned on, we had sex. Even if I didn't really want to and I'm not saying that for sympathy, I'm just saying it because it means something to me. There had been a couple occasions where I tried to refuse but she just became slightly more forceful up to the point of pulling my legs apart and 'playing with me' until I got an erection and she would climb on and we would have sex. If I downright refused to no end, I would have to roll over onto my front where she would then get on my back with a toy and please herself. I am only saying these things to help you understand how sex was for us. I never thought wrongly of her for those things, simple because I love her to death and can't really think wrongly of her at all. And I want to make it very clear I've done wrong things in the past, in fact at the beginning of our relationship I was a rat, in plain terms, I certainly was not deserving of her and eventually we split up. This shocked me into realising what I was doing and I changed very quickly and we got back together and the relationship quickly got better.

This is the serious part.

About a month ago, maybe longer, she asked me to accompany her out on her friend's birthday. This was on a Friday, a couple days previous to it she had texted me telling me to come over the next day because she wanted 'some ass' but I had been hanging out with a friend and she didn't text me on that day to tell me to come over. ANYWAY, the plan for her friend was to go to a restaurant then go drinking. Normally I would either refuse or go home after the meal because I don't drink at all, as I don't like it, but on this occasion I decided yes, because her friend was moving away soon and we hadn't seen much of each other recently because of Uni work. So I went over to her place to get ready and when I got there she looked lovely, as usual, and I got a little excited and proposed sex but she refused. I felt really down because we hadn't seen each other for almost a whole week. I should say that I have very low self-esteem and had been getting treated for severe depression for some months. I started moaning to her saying something along the lines of me thinking that I'm ugly etc because I kinda do feel that way a lot but then realised she would want to have a good time so I stopped and instead started teasing her for seeing other guys (just random people) I don't know if she thought I was serious but it didn't seem it. Anyway as we were getting ready I was laying on her bed and we cuddled a bit then she jumped up to say she was getting ready (im not entirely sure about this because it was a while ago but this next part I remember very well), as she walked to her door she turned to me and talked to me about being out with her friends and then said to me "oh i was telling (her friend) about a sex fantasy of mines" so I asked her what, "well I told her I'd love to drug you with rohypnol and then have sex with you while you are kindof helpless and i can pull your hair, am i weird?" i looked at her and jokingly said "ye just a bit" but was thinking in my head "that would be so hot" etc because I love it when she shows a real 'want' for me. So we went on the night out and things were going fine until it came to going to a club. She had been drinking quite a bit at the restaurant and at home and was feeling really sick. We slipped away from her friends and she told me she had been sick and wanted to go home, so I said don't worry we can go home now. So we did, we barely caught a bus that I had to sprint along a street to catch and we got back to hers.

We went inside and she went to bathroom then to her room and changed for bed. I had been in her room watching tv. When she got in I then went to bathroom. When I got back to her room the tv was switched off so I went to turn it back on and she said "dont you want to sleep", I replied "no im not really tired yet" and began to take my coat off. As I was taking it off she was watching and said to me "god you look so hot, take off your shirt" so I did then she told me to take off my jeans and to get into bed with her. I jumped into the bed and cuddled up to her and we kissed for a bit and hugged. My emotions were running wild because of what she had said and I was still thinking about what she said earlier that day. So I touched her privates gently and she didn't say anything. I continued until she was really wet and then tried to go further but it was difficult as we were lying with her back to my belly side on, I fumbled for a bit and she rolled over. I thought she wanted me to touch her more so I did then I slowly got on top. At this point I wondered why she was saying nothing so I held her head and kissed her to no response, I thought she was maybe pretending so I gently pinched her nipple (because she generally doesn't like that and tells me to not do it) but all she did was move my hand away. From then we basically had sex with her not giving any response throughout other than a few groans. I had to stop at one point to go get a condom because she had told me about missing the pill a couple times the previous week and I didn't want to risk impregnating her. (We usually have sex without a condom because she doesn't like them and I find them painful to wear.) Anyway when I finished I lay back down beside her and hugged her for a few minutes but the she suddenly turned around and started to kick me off the bed. I didn't know what was going on so I grabbed the top of the bed to not fall off and asked what's wrong and was going on. She started shouting at me saying things like "did you think i was asleep" and i said "no! whats wrong" and then she started punching me saying I raped her. I was so shocked my mouth just fell open. I've never been more horrified and I looked at her and told her no about a hundred times and said that i thought she was awake and was playing along to the fantasy she had talked about. She just got more angry and beat me up pretty bad. I couldn't see well out of one eye by the end and had a bleeding nose and mouth. All the while I had just tried to explain but she was pretty hysterical and kept saying I raped her. I would never do such a thing to her, she means more to me than anything so I couldn't understand why she would think that at all.

In the end she woke up her mother and I was told to leave so I grabbed some of my stuff, quickly changed and left. I had been crying for a while and when I got outside I collapsed on the ground and got worse. I walked to the end of her street sobbing and grabbed my phone. I couldn't really think straight at all and came to the conclusion that I had to show her how serious I was about not raping her and that the only way I could prove that to her was to phone the police. So I did. I explained as much to them as I could and just agreed to everything they said because I couldn't really understand them through crying and I ended up spending 3 or 4 days (i cant remember) in an observation cell because I had mentioned killing myself while on the phone to them. Things have escalated quite badly since then and I'm currently facing court. I thought she would understand what I was trying to prove to her but apparently even if she had told the police to not charge me the police can do it themselves anyway. So thats what I thought until she contacted me through facebook and asked me why I raped her and I told her again what I had said before and asked her why she told the police that so that we could get back to normal again but she just called me sick etc.

It's been a month since then and Ive been seeing a doctor weekly and my depression medication has been doubled. I'm afraid to leave my house and have nervous fits and get anxiety attacks all the time because I miss her so much and i'm so worried about whats going to happen with us. I've got a lawyer on my back telling me to tell him lots of stuff about our relationship, very intimate stuff and so far I haven't because I dont want to betray her trust. Things have got so bad recently as she blocked me on facebook and started telling loads of people who have now also done the same. Before she blocked me I had been looking at her page pretty much daily, and she had been going out drinking with friends etc and I was happy seeing that she seemed ok, it gave me hope. I'm here writing this now because I don't really have close enough friends that I would trust to tell this and I'm so paranoid right now anyway that I'd probably bail out or pass out from anxiety. I need advice and I'll take any I just need to know what others think.

I'm terribly sorry for this massive post and I really really am sorry if it upsets. Thanks to anyone who reads and responds.

[Lily_of_Isles]

The girl is weird. You didn't rape her, so don't worry about it. She's crazy.

[iamaninnocentma]

They both sound a bit crazy tbf, and what he says does sound a bit rapey.

He should be worried, hes looking at 10/15 in the state pen, which is no picnic.

[smackie9]

Dude you need some self respect. You nail this crazy bitch to the cross before she does it to you. Your relationship is over...FINISHED. She is abusive, manipulative, selfish, lacks empathy and compassion, and is a drama queen.

Grab a brain, she will not come back to you ever. You tell that lawyer every little detail about her aggressiveness, what her fantasies are, her malicious behavior towards you, etc......don't leave anything out. This is your life....and there is no vagina on this planet, not even her's, worth going to jail for. You are the biggest idiot there is. You should never have told the police anything. You pretty much confessed to the crime even tho there wasn't one.

Tip: Look into this thing where people are able to have sex in their sleep. Use that as leverage. She did somewhat respond and she didn't say no, there was no
physical evidence of you forcing her, you are BF GF....you better get your ass out of this....this _unt doesn't deserve the satisfaction.

[Lily_of_Isles]

That's true, jail time is serious. But it's been some time now so any evidence is probably long gone.

Alright, edit...I skimmed at first and didn't see the last part about facing charges.

Yeah, you should be worried.

Listen to smackie9.

[metabollica]

I really can't understand why she is doing this to me. I always tried my hardest to make her happy. And my doctor says that what happened doesn't sound like rape from her experience (she's dealt with a lot of rape victims). My counsellor also told me that from our time together I had shown that I don't have the capacity within myself to harm her in any way. I am only saying this because these are some of the things my lawyer knows about. In response to smackie, I totally understand what your saying but telling my lawyer these things seems like its me effectively destroying my relationship once and for all. I think very fondly of her (we were together 4 years and as bad as things were for me at times I was happy at other times) so the thought of losing her devastates me.

[Red Apollo]

You already lost her. She sounds about as batty as they come though. So its probably for the best.

And why the hell are you worried about betraying her trust? She betrayed yours the second she tried to say you raped her. The embarrassment she would suffer in court wont even compare to thrilling prison experience you are facing. Don't be an idiot.

[Lily_of_Isles]

I don't even understand how a successful conviction could come from this. I mean, there's got to be no physical evidence of her claim. When they examine her for any vaginal scarring, there won't be any unless you were rough on her or something. It's basically your word against hers.

Therefore, you need to get as many doctors, psychologists, and friends as you can to back up your word. You should definitely make it clear that she did not say anything or physically protest when the sex occured. And she was perfectly capable of saying something. You're not a mind reader!

Jeesh...her whole story just sounds flimsy and funny. What, are people supposed to believe she didn't know you had your wang inside her when she was "asleep"? That would sure wake me up. Unless I was knocked out cold or something, which she obviously wasn't. So what's her problem?...

[metabollica]

The only physical injury she got was a bruise on her knuckle which she got from punching me half to death, I know this for sure as I saw the medical report.

My lawyer told me to say no comment to everything during the police interview as well but I wanted to tell them my side of the story, he insisted to the point of not letting the interview commence until I had seriously thought about it. I still totally disagree with that but my dad (he's in the police) says it was the right thing to do. It seems so stupid to me....

[smackie9]

I really can't understand why she is doing this to me. I always tried my hardest to make her happy. And my doctor says that what happened doesn't sound like rape from her experience (she's dealt with a lot of rape victims). My counsellor also told me that from our time together I had shown that I don't have the capacity within myself to harm her in any way. I am only saying this because these are some of the things my lawyer knows about. In response to smackie, I totally understand what your saying but telling my lawyer these things seems like its me effectively destroying my relationship once and for all. I think very fondly of her (we were together 4 years and as bad as things were for me at times I was happy at other times) so the thought of losing her devastates me.

Get a grip man, she wants it destroyed. If she cared about you as much as you do her she wouldn't be trying to get rid of you by having you put in jail.

[smackie9]

I don't even understand how a successful conviction could come from this. .

It may be possible because of that phone conversation he had with the police....the prosecutor is going to twist it around and turn it into an admission of guilt.

[Cerulean.]

Wtf. She physically abused you. And before that, gone outright crazy accusing you of raping her. I don't have much advice, smackie pretty much gave a great response to you. I'm floored by all this. I wish you lots of luck... and be smart through everything. Don't let this b*tch win.

[smackie9]

The only physical injury she got was a bruise on her knuckle which she got from punching me half to death, I know this for sure as I saw the medical report.

My lawyer told me to say no comment to everything during the police interview as well but I wanted to tell them my side of the story, he insisted to the point of not letting the interview commence until I had seriously thought about it. I still totally disagree with that but my dad (he's in the police) says it was the right thing to do. It seems so stupid to me....

They know what they are talking about. If you claim that she physically attacked you, the prosecutor will say that she was trying to fend you off from attacking her. That's pretty simple. The less information you provide will be less ammunition for the prosecution will have to use against you.

You know the more this information comes out, the more suspicion I have of your GF..... this was a well planned frame up by her against you. She did this on purpose dude, and you fell for her devious plan. I bet money on it your dad and the lawyer are going to say the same thing. She mentioned to you that she had a fantasy about drugging you and taking advantage of you while you were knocked out....A coincidence?....oh dear she is going to say that you said that to her. Oh she is a sly one. She really does want to get rid of you for good.....you have been set up. I bet if you dig deeper she has a been seeing another man, and who knows, he could have been involved plotting this.......woooooo the plot thickens.

[smackie9]

I think very fondly of her (we were together 4 years and as bad as things were for me at times I was happy at other times) so the thought of losing her devastates me.

This is what she is banking on.....the ultimate act of submission she so craves. I bet she is masturbating over this.....her control that she has over you....fantasizing about you whimpering as you get hauled away out of the court room, off to jail and all this just by saying she was raped. That's some pretty powerful stuff.

[Lily_of_Isles]

Gosh. I just hope the jury on this case have sense enough not to send you to jail based on twisted words and he-said-she-said crap, cause that's basically all it is.

It's better to free a thousand prisoners than to send one innocent man to jail. I forgot who said that, but he was right, whoever he was.