Worst possible date ever...I am an idiot!

[TommyC]

Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any one else to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. Please read it to save yourself from something like this...

Anyway...I had got an asian girls number the a few weeks ago but was too scared to call, but then though it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a shit, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and danm.. I had to take take a shit really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imaginable.

I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the hell do I do? Which do I do first??



So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!



So then I'm like "**** this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.



I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:





I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting shit on her floor....

TBC.....

[TommyC]

At that point things get even worse...





The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.


All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and shit in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded (yes mad).

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.


anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?

[smackie9]

Ah no don't bother her again......first impressions can be a killer. Get to a doctor....you obviously have incontinence issues if you have to carry around a pee bottle.

[love_architect]

that was funny ! thanks for those moments

[Lily_of_Isles]

Change your name.
Dye your hair.
And transfer to another university as soon as possible.

The way you wrote it, it sounds like you guys go to the same university. An event this horrible, she's likely to talk about it.

Lucky me, I can pass all of my bowel movements sitting down...

[cheekxs]

what the hack, i was looking to those paints i think you have to much free time to paint all of that for this nasty topic.

how can you have a hard one while you are shitting, if i have to believe the paints, you are weird tho.
how can you shit all over the place. are you normal? i think you a kind of fool.jerk type of guy.


what kind of person shit on there dates house? especially not knowing them that well.?

[dem862]

That was pretty funny. Thanks.

[TommyC]

what the hack, i was looking to those paints i think you have to much free time to paint all of that for this nasty topic.

how can you have a hard one while you are shitting, if i have to believe the paints, you are weird tho.
how can you shit all over the place. are you normal? i think you a kind of fool.jerk type of guy.


what kind of person shit on there dates house? especially not knowing them that well.?

The MS paints was to explain all this better... and how the **** did I know this this would have happened?? I normally NEVER shit in a public toilet because it's nasty.. I really thought that I could hold it (I've got good shit holding abilities)... fuk man...young guys get random erections caused by surging hormones... it doesnt mean were horny, its just the hormones at work...and its something I cannot control... that damn erection ****ed me over.... hind sight is 20/20.

[Cerulean.]

Haha! Hahaha!

[TommyC]

Ah no don't bother her again......first impressions can be a killer. Get to a doctor....you obviously have incontinence issues if you have to carry around a pee bottle.

After sleeping on it.. I'm not feeling so bad about myself anymore. I mean yes... I did totally **** up that first date... yes... I shat and pissed all over her bathroom.... BUT it wasn't my fault really... it was just a epic disaster that could have happened to anyone given the right conditions (although in hindsight I would have definitely done things a little differently ie. brought a bottle with me.... or just peed/pood into the public toilet...or better yet gone home first and then went to her house for dinner). Ultimately... it was an accident... I didn't intentionally harm anyone... and I just need to move on.

You know what? I think I'll try to apologize/explain this sh!t to her. Maybe she'll let me meet her again. I don't care if I'll feel embarrased... heck it's not like it can get any worse than it already has. Maybe if I explain and apologize, they might not tell everyone about it. I think she deserves as apology/explanation for this mess... she's probably going to be traumatized by this and maybe she won't try and date another guy for a long time because of this (which would be a shame).


I don't have incontinence issues... I just don't pee in urinals because public toilers are sick... there's always pee on the floor near the urinals and I'm not stepping on that shit. To make matters worse... when you pee into the urinal you get backsplash of pee residue from other dudes from the rim and the urinal water... this shit gets on your clothes... ****ing sick. that's why I bring empty water bottles with me to pee.

I didn't bring one to this date because a)it was a date and I didn't want her to wonder about it b) I didn't think I'd end being with her for that long...

fml... in hindsight.. i would have peed in a urinal to avoid this disaster.

[TommyC]

that was funny ! thanks for those moments

That was pretty funny. Thanks.

Haha! Hahaha!

I think it's a virtue to be able to laugh at yourself.... it means you're willing to criticize yourself and improve. As embarassing and retarded as this was... I'm actually laughing it off right now...and I'm willing to try to learn from my mistakes and perhaps do my best to make amends with that girl. So don't feel sorry for me... heck my ability to laugh at myself/criticize myself is one of reasons why I've been able to make so much progress with my social anxiety problems.

[cheekxs]

i think its the worst date ever for her, not for her. cause you brought it all on yourself stupid. and having a erection while you are shitting is not okay, i think you just a nasty perv. and you are not ashamed to tell us eater.

[TommyC]

i think its the worst date ever for her, not for her. cause you brought it all on yourself stupid. and having a erection while you are shitting is not okay, i think you just a nasty perv. and you are not ashamed to tell us eater.

It was a ****ing accident woman...

ok look... I finally decided to call her back in order to explain myself to her and apologize....... I recorded the convo an I made it into a youtube video but it kinda sucks never made a video before...

anyway the SYSTEM says I cant post video until I have 15 posts

here it is... change () for a . ... skip to about 1 minute coz I ****ed up the video... if some one can post it would be cool...


youtube()com/watch?v=zwgTBKUKVKg

anyway she didn't give me a chance to explain myself....

I think I'll just send her a letter or something.. and if she reads it great ... if not then .. I tried...

[TommyC]

Change your name.
Dye your hair.
And transfer to another university as soon as possible.

The way you wrote it, it sounds like you guys go to the same university. An event this horrible, she's likely to talk about it.

Lucky me, I can pass all of my bowel movements sitting down...

No brah I am not going to run away... we are on the same campus so it is going to be a problem an I don't have any problems with bowel movements it was just a ****ed up situation...

[steviej]

Guys this is a copy and paste from a thread years ago on bodybuilding.com.
This guy is trying to pass off someone elses story as his own.

Nice try.