Why does she do this?

[DullLife]

I know I explained my situation in before, but theres just other stuff bugging me (wont go into as much detail this time, as barely got a reply last time). We are both in our 20's.

Nearly Year long, long distance relationship ended by her 10 days ago, via txts
Things had gone well for perhaps 10 months (based on the sincerity of her, the way we were together, etc)
She lost her virginity to me (Shows a lot, cause she had boyfriends before, it was like she was waiting for the "right one")
When she ended it she removed our pic off her FB page in a few days and the relationship status an hour later. She also hasnt made any contact, has been avoiding FB, even the games she used to play against me.

She ended it suddenly (week before together was as its always been). We had a few difficulty's in the final few weeks, lack of money, couldnt do plans, we were both really low about missing eachother.

Her reasons were the usual "im confused". Also when she went into detail said it was like our plans were like dreams. She needs to focus on a full time job (which would mean no time together), and she felt like she couldnt be in a relationship the past few weeks, so carrying it on wouldnt of been truthful. Also the distance was getting too much for her as she would miss me loads. Fair enough, talking together would of been good and we may have been able to resolve it, but she took the cowards way out and bailed out. It was like her heart still loved me, but her head thought some things werent working.


The issue now....

I have removed her off FB today, but since the breakup she has been clubbing twice (hardly "trying to get life sorted and a career").


When we were together she hated clubbing, she went once every few months. She always said 2 of her friends out of the group she went with just went clubbing all the time, were total slappers, who just go out, flirt and sleep with loads of guys, get wasted, spend too much cash and wake up regretting it, and that life wasnt for her


Now since the breakup, shes been out clubbing twice. More than shes ever been in that space of time. She went out with her 2 slapper friends, dressed up as hot as she could (from pics), went to clubs in towns that she said to me were "horrible, full of tarts and guys that want to pull" and she would never be able to go to.

It really hurts now that it seems like she was this 1 girl, who I really loved. Who probably wanted to wait to lose her virginity with a guy she could see herself being with forever (me). Now shes lost it, she realised its not as special as she once believed and thinks she has some catching up to do.

Its like, shes actually trying to be like the 2 slappers, tarting herself up, going clubbing often with them. Its really a hard pill to swallow, that a year back she was some innocent virgin, trying to find the right guy to be with to lose her virginity, settle down and be happy. Now shes changed to 1 of them, regular clubbing women her 2 friends are, who dress up the best they can with loads of makeup, to attract loads of men and make themself feel happy and beautiful just 10 days after she was in a relationship. The type guys see in a club and think "she will be an easy bit of fun later".... Or her slapper friends convinced her to go out as flirting/sleeping with a guy will make her forget me.... Explains a lot about her ending it in some ways with her maybe thinking she can get "hotter" guys than me


(see I made it a less than 5 minute read and didnt rant on for too long lol)

[DullLife]

Well I found out exactly why she did it and her main reasons so no need for replys.

It was mainly down to losing her virginity with me. She always saw it as special, and thought I was the 1. Then when we did it, she realised it wasnt as special as she expected...and just fun.

She has always had a personality, that hates herself and wants to be like other peoples strong sides. Her friends wanted to be teachers and are, now she does for an example.

What she missed out on was sex, waiting for the right person, whilst a few of her tarty friends were out sleeping with anyone and getting attention.

Shes clearly admiring that part about them and wants to be like them, dressed up the best, attractive, gaining attention for the years she missed out on. So she has become like them (same looks, hair, fake nails, even fake tan).

Shes looking at the years she missed whilst she was trying to find the 1 to lose her virginity to and her friends were clubbing and getting all sorts of men. So she wants to try and gain back that lost time....


We all know thats a disaster waiting to happen, I just can picture the amounts of times she will be hurt, used, ill, worse off. Nearly all of us here who no longer go clubbing will say the same thing... that they regret most of the clubbing days,

Sadly its a lesson she needs to learn, but in a few years time when shes in a bad situation and full of regret which is guaranteed, theres no open door for her to come running back to me realising her mistakes


Thanks

[toknow]

"im confused" That's a good excuse right, so it makes everything she does ok?

'... since the breakup she has been clubbing twice (hardly "trying to get life sorted and a career")'.
Agreed. She doesn't have time for you, but somehow she finds time to go clubbing for hours.

"She always said 2 of her friends out of the group she went with just went clubbing all the time, were total slappers, who just go out, flirt and sleep with loads of guys, get wasted, spend too much cash and wake up regretting it..."
Problem is a lot of times people start acting like the friends they hang out with. They seem to be a very bad example for her. Naturally people learn from example, but if she didn't have it in her nature, she wouldn't sleep with any guys at the club.

Sluttville isn't all it's hipped up to be, she is making a mistake.

But, in the end do you want to be with a person like that? If I were you, I'd run like hell from anyone sporting such behavior.

Again agree, if tries to get back with you after doing all that, don't take her back.

[Boisdevie]

Night clubs = slippery slope for sure. One day you go to a club to dance and before you know it you've signed your name in blood and made a pact with the devil.

I think you Americans would use the phrase 'what a crock'.

He's just bitter and twisted. Probably annoyed that someone else will get to do all sorts of disgusting things with her and he'll be all alone at home wanking on the internet.

[DullLife]

Thanks,

Well the point I made Boisdevie was in this situation. Where shes got problems... clubbing isnt the best bet. She seemed now like shes the person who hasnt done all she wants in life and isnt ready to settle.

She actually looks for things other people are doing and are making them happy, and then believes it will make her happy too. Such as some of her friends are teaching assistants, she decided she wants to do that too, then with the whole clubbing thing (which she hated before), she sees them 2 slappers as happy, beautiful and confident girls, and perhaps now thinks that will make her happy. Then at the 1st sign of it not making her happy, she wont try and sort it back to the time when it made her happy, but instead runs away and finds the next thing to make her happy.

Thats reflected in our relationship. All that time where things couldnt be better, then after 1 week of us being low about money, jobs, some family things, our txting drifted, she didnt feel happy, and rather than talk about it and try to find a solution, she runs the other way, no real explanation and tries everything to remove thoughts of me from her life.

Clubbing is a bad path to go down. I used to go out clubbing all the time, but wish I hadnt bothered. It is a waste of cash, all that spent money for nothing. You will rarely find the person you are meant to be with in a club, a lot of it is based on looks, if they both like the look of each other then they may exchange numbers, but you know nothing about the person. For all you know, they could already have a BF/GF but want to cheat, they could of just come out of a relationship and be looking for a rebound, but as booze is involved, it could push steps forwards in the moment and people could end up kissing or having sex. Then its easy to gain insecuritys when you only find things out a while later, which you would of already found out had you met them in other situations.

Its hardly the place to just socialise with friends due to the music being too loud, and more about flirting, feeling attractive, and drowning your sorrows of the week followed by spewing the next day and feeling rough..... That was never her at all, she was even more into rock music and didnt like the typical club music.

To be fair, I could do exactly the same, go out, look my best, dance with the women, but I know I would regret it as im far from that sort of person and am not just going to pretend to try and make myself feel "happy".

Only time can tell what will happen in life, but give it weeks, months or even years and she will learn them lessons in life she hadnt learnt yet. That only she can decide what makes her happy, and not just do what her friends are doing to be happy, as shes a completely different person.

Am I bitter and twisted about her maybe doing stuff with other guys?? If she hadnt lost her virginity to me, then I wouldnt be down about it, but as I mentioned above, im also down about her deciding to be like her 2 slapper friends all of a sudden, when that isnt her and never was