How Horrible Is This?

[Beachbum15211]

Seriously. Tell me. Is this the worst thing ever?

So I'm dating this girl for about 5 months and everything's going great. I should preface by saying she's always busy with work and extracurricular activities and the first conversation we had she basically said she had no free time and has no life because of all that.

But I like to have my space too, so it didn't bother me that we didn't see each other but once a week and the time was always great and we were in fun contact anyway.

So anyway, I take her out for her birthday - great night. That was 3 months back.

In the ensuing six weeks after that, I see her once. For breakfast. For 3 hours. And we're not talking as much. No idea why. But the time we spent together was still awesome, and when she had to split for a major obligation, I could tell she didn't want to leave.

So she has some family issues going on that started about 2 weeks into that six weeks, but doesn't tell me how bad they are. I give her her space, but still, like once a week, text her to see if she's free for the weekend. She never is.

So the family business is going to take her out of town. Then I'm going to go out of town. So we're not going to see each other for a month after having seen each other for only 3 hours the previous 6 weeks.

So I try to get us together - she says she only has time for a quick drop-by that weekend, and I say I need to talk.

I wanted to talk about what was going on and why the distance, etc. And see if everything was okay with us.

Before I can ask she tells that the family problems are really really severe and I can see how they've taken up all her time. I say, "Oh. I feel bad. I wouldn't have said we needed to talk had I known. I'm sorry."

So she goes on to say that she doesn't think she can give me what I want, yada yada (even though she did, with ease for like 5 months). And she says that I pressure her to hang out - even though all I ever did was text her an idea for the weekend in the middle of the week, like once a week.

So I say - do you want to break up with me? She say she doesn't know. We talk some more and I keep saying to her, "If you want to - let's just split now, it'll be easiest." She keeps saying she doesn't know, and has to worry about her family now. She leaves. Out of the blue texts me, "Good night." later on and we text a bit before her flight the next day - joking texts.

That's six weeks ago.

So she's out of town for the first month of that six weeks. In that time, I wanted to give her space to deal with her issues. I send her a text a week after she leaves to break our silence, letting her know I wanted to give her her space but that I was thinking about her and her family the whole time and I hoped they were okay.

No response.

A few days later, I send her an email with some inspirational stuff to help her through and apologize again for the Sunday.

No response.

A few days later, I send her a text letting her know I was about to get on a flight and I was thinking about her (we met on a plane) and that I hoped she was okay.

No response.

9 days after that, I send her a funny email.

No response.

5 days later, I send her an email wishing her a Happy Adoption Anniversary.

No response.

She gets back to town 2 days later, I only know this because of Foursquare (crazy Internet) and a few days after she gets back, I send her an email asking how everything is and sweetly reminding her that I'm here for her and hoping we can reconnect.

No response.

So a few days later, I call her and leave her a calm but rambling voicemail about how I don't know why we're all screwed up, but she still hasn't broken up with me so maybe we can start over.

No response.

A few days after that, I call her and leave a voicemail just nicely saying hi to see how she's doing.

No response.

Last night, I sent her a text saying - "Are we ever going to talk? I wanted to give you space with your family issues, but my patience with being stuck in relationship limbo for five-and-a-half weeks (total time period now) is at its end."

As of now, No response.

Now, I know what's up. I know she's over it. I wouldn't have gone on this long if it weren't for the family stuff and I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt with that because it was really severe and, legally, it all had to go through her, so I waited and was sweet without being too pressuring or anything the whole time. Again - it's been no response.

So I'm going to send her a last chance Email tomorrow and if I get nothing back from that, I'm going to be in her neighborhood for work on Monday evening, so I'm going to drop off the stuff she left at my house with a note letting her know it's over.

Seriously though, How horrible is what she did to me? Am I just overreacting? Almost six weeks with no contact? Why wouldn't she just break up with me when I gave her the easiest chances ever? Why would she not want to get this stuff back from my house that I know she wants? At this point, why wouldn't she just text me a breakup?

This is about the most horrible thing ever, right?

[Boisdevie]

This is about the most horrible thing ever, right?

I expect getting stung repeatedly on the balls by scorpions would beat it.

But to get back to your point, you are quite clearly too stupid to understand the situation. No contact because she hasn't got the guts to tell you to your face that it's over. It happens.

[Cerby]

Same as our responses before beachbum, it is over, she is just too weak to do it. I dated a girl once a while back where her form of breaking up with someone was to ignore them until they went away. That lasted all of 4 days before I went to her place, tore a strip off her for being such a coward, and moved on. You've been doing this for weeks and weeks...

[Beachbum15211]

Believe me. I know that now. Ordinarily after a week or so, I would have been like, "Screw it." Like if we'd been in town together with nothing extraneous going on - I'm not an idiot. We woulda been through.

If it weren't for her being out of town and dealing with really really major family issues where everything had to go through her and it was her sole responsibility to work out, I would have moved on.

But I guess I was too nice or foolish in giving her the benefit of the doubt for that long. And that, of course, made it much worse - the length and the waiting.

I was just asking if people really think what she did to me is as heinous as I think it is - because I think it might be the worst thing possible to do to a person in terms of relationships.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Boisdevie definitely has you beat with the scorpion nutsack attack, but yeah she's a bitch. Now get out there and **** someone.

[VincenzoG91]

I think that she lied about the family stuff, or at least wildly exaggerated about it. Anyway, you ducked a bullet. Whatever her situation, she wasn't ready for a relationship with you, and at least you found it now instead of after things had gotten more serious.

If something like this comes up again, ask questions. Lots of questions. What kind of family trouble? Why is it taking so long? How are you personally solving or dealing with these family problems? And so on. Keeping asking questions until they break down and tell the damn truth or get tired of lying and stop talking to you. Cause unless she's a nurse or a doctor and it's a family medical crisis, she is spending all day and night taking care of the situation.