any advice is great

[Rodby]

i would really appreciate any advice you may have for my situation. Short story to keep it in a phrase, long story for my own need of venting or for anyone interested in reading it.

[b:a0cb2ac871]Short Story[/b:a0cb2ac871]
Girl I am dating (4 dates now) is either not especially interested or playing hard to get. What can I do about this?


[b:a0cb2ac871]Long Story[/b:a0cb2ac871]
Im a high school senior, male. Always been a major romantic, almost to the point of obcession.
I have known her for 5 years, but never really got to know her until this fall because we got matching class schedules.

After spending time talking with her and hanging out in school I got to really like her (beginning of october). In November i decided to ask her on a date, we were both too busy for a few weeks but went on a date in early december, that went pretty well. We couldnt do anything again for a few weeks. For her b-day/christmas I bought her a necklace and a card. I know they made her very happy. Went on a few more dates which have all been great.

Here's the problem...whenever we arn't on a date she is close to ignoring me. She is a really shy person, but it comes down to that she doesnt ever come to me to talk, or call. I keep getting the idea that she just doesnt care, but she always says yes to dates (she offers to pay usually, so its not an issue of 'free fun' fortunately). It is jsut so very confusing with a whole mess of contradicting signs. She doesnt seem to notice me at all or won't say a word, but then i (or my friends) catch her staring at me. She tells me over and over how much fun she has on our dates, but she never asks/suggests that we do anything. I don't mind being the one to usually ask her on dates, but I am feeling like I don't exist until i point myself out. She always returns my calls, or tells me to call about dates to see if she can do anything, but i have [i:a0cb2ac871]never[/i:a0cb2ac871] gotten a call that she initiated. The best I and a few others can determine is that one of two things is going on...

(a) she really doesnt care too much and is just going on dates with me for the heck of it or

(b) she is playing hard to get.

I don't know what to do with this situation [size=9:a0cb2ac871](besides giving up- i dont think i could jsut give up without totally spilling my heart to her. I am just so in love that she is the only thing I can think about for the past 4 months. just thoughts of her can make me break down in tears, not of sadness so much but just because my feelings for her are so intense)[/size:a0cb2ac871], the only answer I can think of is to ask her to be my girlfriend whereas i think she will feel more comfortable and open up to me. I am probably going to ask her to be my 'girlfriend' tonight if our date goes well. I am greatly anticipating any advice you may have about what to do with the situation in general, or anything specific to say to her. Thank you.

[Rodby]

i should have mentioned that she has never dated before me, but has been asked to

[Illusional]

you're worrying about the situation too much. she does care for but she's more of an introvert. she would rather keep things to herself because she doesn't feel that she can openly talk to you yet. you said she hasn't dated before so of course this is a new experience to her. like learning how to walk, it will take time for her to feel comfortable on her own and this is the getting to know process that you have to go through. i know that it seems as though she doesn't care for you or isn't interested, but if you talk to her you'll actually find out that she has more that she is showing you. i know what you're feeling because i meet a girl like this once. honestly it was hard to talk to her, but after i talked to her, i realized that she's just a shy person and didn't really know how to express herself. girls usually aren't the type to call you often, but deep down inside, they are wishing you would call at that very moment. raverboy

[Rodby]

thanks for your thoguht illusional/raverboy.

any ideas on what i can say to her about not calling when she says she will?

[Illusional]

always keep in mind the fact that she's shy. she may indeed want to call you, but the actual times comes to picking up the phone and dialing your number, her guts turn to mush. still most girls would rather have guy to call them. does she page you or email you at the moment? if not, just remember that you are still getting to know this girl so don't rush anything.

i doubt that you should say anything for now because you're not totally sure of the reason that she doesn't call you. i'd say wait a while long before talking to her about this. raverboy

[Rodby]

you are right, i probably shouldnt say anything now. but im not really 'getting to know her', i have been good friends with her for some time, we just havn't really been able to open up to each other because of being too short on personal time together.
i guess what it comes down to is wondering if i should call her if she doesnt call me. i dont like doing this because then if she cant do something i feel like im just bugging her and she doesnt want me calling so much.

[Illusional]

well if you feel that you're bothering her, definatly talk to her about it. tell her to be straight up reguardless if it means being mean to you. you want to know the truth. if it doesn't bother her, maybe you might want to talk to her about this but in actualality, she might be a shy person. try doing something sweet for her, like buying her a rose and see her reaction. that will tip it off a bit but it's nothing to big. pay attention to the little things when you are with her and it might actually help you to get to know her better. raverboy

[Rodby]

theres so many details to go into, i must say your advice is good, and i have already done it all. LOL
For her birthday in late December. I got her a necklace and a rose, she loved it, I have never seen her so happy, still shy though. I asked her the week after when she was kind of ignoring me if I was bugging her, or if i should keep asking her to do things and she said to keep asking.

Valentines Day is thursday, i may get her a dozen roses then and ask her to be my girlfriend.

Illusional- dont feel obligated to reply again or anything unless you want to, heh. im just postin. it helps me think

[Illusional]

nah no worries, the forums are here for this kinda stuffs. about asking her on being gfs.. since you are unsure of how she feels i doubt that you should rush this subject. considering that she is a shy person, it will take her some time to get to know you better. i know that vday is one that is filled with love, but you shouldn't rush things because the day has arrived. take your time because you wouldn't want to be hurt on this day if she isn't ready for you. before you jump into the relationship, you still may want to talk to her more and truely see if she wants to be with you or not. maybe just start to flirt with her more before you pop the question. raverboy

[Rodby]

advice came a bit late. i already asked. (She does know me well by the way illusional). I did what i said i was going to and she told me that she's 'too busy to be someone's girlfriend now' I didn't get into it anymore at the time. I just don't get how i got that kind of response. now granted, she is a very busy person, but she will be less busy in a week from now. plus, shouldn't it not be important whether she is too busy or not? she isnt TOO busy because we have found time to do stuff together for dates. her being busy shouldnt be a problem unless i mind, which i dont. i know that she is busy and i am ok with that.
The other thing is that i dont know why she would have been going on dates with me if she had no intentions of going out with me. I can't possibly believe that she would play me knowing her character, but it appears that way. I take her out on dates, and have bought her gifts for her birthday and flowers which she accepts. I even told her a little over a month ago that I wanted to be her boyfriend and that if she wasnt comfortable with that just to let me know and i would stop asking her on dates and she told me to keep asking. Should I say these things to her? 'm totally at a loss.

[Illusional]

you're taking the wrong interpretation of what she means. i have told you not to rush things and you are rushing it. she has "never" had a bf before so what makes you think that a month will be sufficient? she may have known you for a while, and you may feel that you're ready to start something, but she on the other hand wants to get to know you better. being mad at her won't solve anything. it just shows that you don't really care and don't respect her for wanting more time for herself. it's more so like you haven't gotten rejected, just put on hold. if you really wanted to be with her, you'd wait for her to become unbusy.

her being busy, that is her way of telling you that she's not ready to start anything serious with you. yes, the dates are nice but she ISN'T leading you on. going on dates doesn't mean a person wants to be your gf when you're ready to ask her to be your gf. you have to be patient and show her that you're ready for such a commitment. and by being mad at her won't show anything on your part. i've been trying with this girl for 4 years...yes 4 years and i have gotten rejected twice by her, yet i'm still her friend. i don't have anything against her for not wanting to go out with me, yet i'm happy that i have her as a friend. something that you might want to think about while you're mad at her. on the real, she never did lead you on, you only let yourself believe that she wanted a relationship when she is only trying to get to know you better. you never know what the future will bring so if you really want to be with her, just keep it cool and keep getting to know her at her pace. raverboy