Long Term Relationship - to end or ask to marry

[lankster]

Hi,

I have been with my partner 7 years. She is 34 I am 31. She is my first relationship. She was from overseas and English was her second language but at a good level. She lived with me in my country for a year, we then did long distance for a while, then I lived with her in her country for a year. Then I went back we did long distance for 6 months then she left her family and moved here to be with me and we have lived together since. I attempted to break up acouple of times due to long distance but we worked through it. Now I am under pressure for us to get married and somehow something feels wrong and I I feel scared and that this feeling , some part of me thinks I can't marry her and even though I love her and I can't bear to break up with her that I have to, to somehow get clarity. It will ruin her life if I do, a part of me thinks I should sacrifice my feeling that won't go away if it means she can get married and have kids which she wants. She is amazing and so good to me in every way. I thought it just might be normal nerves I have no comparison I haven't been through life before but this feeling of something nqr won't go away. I feel so trapped. I did let her know this once before about a year ago but said I would work through the feeling and it must be normal male feeling. I don't know if we are truly right for each other but she thinks so I.think. maybe I need space and I will then regret it but she Saud if we break up that that is it for.us. is not being with another woman my.whole life something that I will regret? I don't know what to do. Please help .

[smackie9]

What is your problem first? Why can't you make the next step to marriage? What were your reasons last time for breaking up?
You are too vague.

[lankster]

Scared of committing, scared we are not perfect for each other maybe but I don't know any different so I'm not sure if the grass is greener, scared that maybe we should be best friends as well but we are different in many ways even though we get in ok without arguments and take interest in each others interest even though we don't really have heaps in common. she would be a perfect mother to my kids but having his feeling that won't go away that makes me worried to commit I don't know if it is just normal or something is wrong in that maybe she is not the one for me. But if we break up it is so devastating for her and I could be making the biggest mistake of my life and I just expected too much or something.

[lankster]

Scared she may miss the opportunity to have kids because of me if we break up which is what she wants to do

[AdminOnline]

7 years of relationship and you guys still not sure if this gonna work out??

how about try rent an apartment and stay together for sometime before committing into marriage..... this is quite a popular move for couple nowadays..

[lankster]

Scared of committing, scared we are not perfect for each other maybe but I don't know any different so I'm not sure if the grass is greener, scared that maybe we should be best friends as well but we are different in many ways even though we get in ok without arguments and take interest in each others interest even though we don't really have heaps in common. she would be a perfect mother to my kids but having his feeling that won't go away that makes me worried to commit I don't know if it is just normal or something is wrong in that maybe she is not the one for me. But if we break up it is so devastating for her and I could be making the biggest mistake of my life and I just expected too much or something.

[lankster]

We have lived together for a few years now, renting

[smackie9]

Well the way I look at it 7 years is too long to decide to marry or not. If you are not engaged by the second or 3rd year in then you are just buying time for nothing. Compatibility is necessary for a relationship to last the long haul, getting along and being in love is not enough for a relationship or marriage to survive. If you don't have lots in common you will find yourself unfulfilled and empty down the road. You have been dragging your heels for years now, that right there should tell you that you are not feeling it and haven't for a long time. You obviously did not work through it...you had 2 years to figure it out. You are just too afraid to face the truth that it's going to end.

[IndiReloaded]

You don't want to be married. Whether its to this girl or not does not matter. Marriage is difficult enough going into it fully committed, going into it in this stae you are just setting yourselves up for failure. Face the truth as Smackie says: you and she are not for each other, your needs are different. I'm sorry. There is no fault here but staying together any longer is cruel to both of you. Break off before you end up hurting each other more.

[smackie9]

Ya trust me on this....you will know you want to marry someone and it will be without any doubt. You just haven't met "the one" yet.

Never fear change but embrace it. Everyone including you can adjust to being without someone. It will take time to recover, but that pain does pass as you fill the void with new things, new experiences and new relationships. It is totally do-able. I feel you have hung on because this was your first and didn't have the confidence in yourself to know you will be able to meet someone else.

[Arithmeticness]

The first love is hard to let go. They are all hard but for you this is a big step. Smackie is right, fill the void (and there will be a noticeable void for sure) with new things. It feels awful at first, this is normal. But only time will help ease that. And distraction is good. Be sure to let yourself feel the feelings though, just don't let them overwhelm you, hence do new things and go new places, that will help tons.

I agree as well with if you were to marry her you would feel it is right.

[cheekxs]

hmm.......... i dont know..... maybe take more time before marry her....?
you need to talk to your dad or a men that is already married for years.(good marriage).