Am I an awful boyfriend or is she too demanding?

[merlinman]

Uhm hey, this is my first time here, I would never have thought I would turn to a forum like this, but the last couple of days I've really had trouble figuring out what to do with my relationship :/ I'm sorry that I've been writing so much, but it's complicated to describe this in a short way..

I'm 16 years, and my girlfriend is 15, we've been together for almost 4 months now in a long distance relationship (Sweden-Denmark), and everything has actually been really perfect and amazing so far, except last time my girlfriend visited me she became so sad when she went home.. I've really tried to cheer her up and be there for her, but she keeps saying that she needs me all the time and wants me, and I've really been on the computer cam'ing with her constantly to calm her down. It seemed to work fine, but every night she cried because I wasn't there for real, and we had to sleep together with the cam on our computers, I've been totally helpless..

But then one of my friends whom I haven't seen for a year because he's been an exchange-student in Argentina got home and I promised to spend 2 days with him catching up. My girlfriend said shecouldn't live with me doing that, that I'd have to put my cam up all the time so she could see me while I was together with my friend and write with her, so she wouldn't feel ignored and lost. I really tried to do that, but it was awfully dificult to multitask like that, and I forgot to reply when she wrote "I love you" which I always do, and she became so mad at me.. And then I confronted her, told her that I didn't think I'd be able to live with this if I had to cam with her and sleep with the computer turned on so she could see me even when I'm with friends, I feel like it has gone too far..

And now I'm in that trouble where she has given me the choice to accept her being like that for the next couple of weeks or I have to leave her.. This sounds so childish, but I really really love her, and I've really had some great experiences with this girl, she means so much to me, but it feels like she's having such a hard time understanding that i need time for friends in my relationship too? Well, I hope someone could give me some help or some opinion on this case, what should I do, I really don't want to leave her, but on the other hand, I don't think I can keep having such a relationship like this?

I've attached some of our skype chat, if anyone wants to read.

[Steelers<3]

I couldn't live with that, and in your conversation you were right. She has gotten addicted to these fantasies, and its like she loves you more then herself which is unhealthy. You need to let her go and find herself. It's what is best for both of you.

[doodie182]

You're both young, and she is probably very vulnerable as she is not used to the long-distance thing at such a young age. She obviously cares for you, but is showing it in the wrong way to compensate for not physically being around you. Also, you should not have to suffer for her insecurities. You are clearly a wonderful boyfriend and very mature for your age - she is lucky to have you, but it is NOT normal that your friendships should be sabotaged because of her emotional problems. She is being controlling towards you, and real love is not having control over someone. A relationship cannot grow in this kind of over-emotional environment - it will only become more and more stifling, I assure you, and as a result will eventually break down. Something needs to change or it will become impossible for you to continue.

I wish you all the best, and hope things work out for you.

[merlinman]

Wow thanks for these replies, I'm really happy to know that I'm not the only one feeling that what she wants from me is a little too much to ask for in such a relationship like this.

You're totally right, she is awfully vulnerable, so vulnerable that I'm afraid what would happen if I confront her now and tell her that I don't think I can keep going if she has to bee this controlling in the relationship. I totally agree with you though, I guess I must do something ! Thanks alot!

[oldskool83]

peace her your 16, get a car and go raise some hell bud!

[merlinman]

Haha well, we're first allowed to get a car when we're 18 here

I'd just like to say, thanks for putting me on the right track for my mind, I've also taken this up with my parents now, they support me in my choice, I'll confront her and tell her that I really really love her, but I can't live with a relationship where I have put her in front of my friends all the time. I'll write to her mom too, so she's aware of my choice. I hope she'll look out for her and take care of her, I'm so worried she might do something bad to herself Should I be worried? :/

Sorry for my bad english by the way, I'm from Denmark >.<'

[Arithmeticness]

You're doing fine with your English You live where Volbeat originates!! Had to throw that in there, they are the most amazing band since CLUTCH! Your poor girlfriend is scared. But these people are right, you can't live like that. She is controlling because she feels vulnerable, like she will lose you, and she obviously cares a lot and doesn't want that to happen. You are both very young and have a lot to experience. What is happening in this relationship is not healthy and not normal. You must try not to worry about what she may do to herself; maybe offer to listen if she wants to talk once in a while? But you can't hold yourself responsible for her well being.

Good luck to you both