What do I do?

[NickFrench]

First off, this is my first post. I found this forum through some Google searching, and I wanted to know what I should do. Be advised, this post will be quite long. If you have the patience to sit through it all, I applaud you. Of course all names will be withheld.

I started seeing this girl about 5 or so months back. We started off as friends, and it went from there. Mind you, we lived 2600 miles away. After some talking, we came clean on that we liked eachother, and we went from there and started dating (as much as we could do being long distance).

We would talk damn near every day. Whether it be playing games together, talking on skype, or texting we would almost always be communicating in some way. About 2 or so months in the relationship, we were talking about something, and she had asked "do you think your friend would still talk to me when we break up?". I said "wait...what do you mean break up?", and she proceeded to go on this talk about how this relationship wasn't going to last forever, etc etc. I told her I wasn't asking for her hand in marriage or something ridiculous, I mean...who thinks about that 2 months into a relationship? So I asked if she could not think about it...and be in it just to be in it. She never really agreed to this (this subject came up a few more times in the future, all ending the same way).

Right then and there I should have stopped, but I couldn't. I was having some strong feelings for this girl, as crazy as that sounds only knowing eachother for a few months. We just clicked on every level, no real way to explain it. So after all that, I stayed.

A little while later, I ended up learning something I did not want to know. We had a mutual friend, and I had learned that they almost had a thing together, but didn't work out because he didn't want to do long distance relationships. That would of been fine if it ended there, but I learned that they had sent well.....pictures of themselves to eachother (her top half, his bottom). Already having feelings for this girl, I didn't like that ONE BIT. I kept my mouth shut and never said anything. She talked about how stupid she was, and that she wasn't thinking...etc etc. I said fine, and left it at that. She would always continue to talk to him (me as well, but never quite the same), but when we were together, it seemed she always gave him the could shoulder, like their friendship had changed. This of course made me kind of happy, knowing she didn't feel anything for him anymore, and didn't talk to him *that* much.

One night I was talking with a friend and her at the same time, and the subject about moving out came up (me not her). I was going to move to a near by city where I knew some people, and she would be a hell of a lot closer. She LOVED this idea, and could not wait. We talked and talked about it, and she always seemed so happy that it was happening.

We were going along nicely. We bought eachother things, and we even sent some stuff to eachother. I sent her some personal stuff, and she sent me some as well. Of course we would share pictures and things like that (regular pictures), and sometimes she would send me pics of her. Not naked or anything, but just showing some stuff. We even had a...well, I guess you would say "sexting" one night. Although I say we, I mean I did the majority of it, and didn't get much in return. She said what she would do would have to wait another night...that night never came.

A while passed, and then one day everything seemed to change. She would be on less, or not really put forth effort into coming online and hanging out, things like that. I of course told her about it, about how I didn't really like it and I wish we talked more. This is when things started to go downhill. She said that she didn't really want to be on the computer all day, every day. This I understood, because neither did I....I mean, who wants to sit infront of a monitor ALL day? But I never said anything because when I was talking to her, it was worth it.

After some talking (most of it I can't remember), we ended up talking about taking a break, which we did. She needed time to know what exactly she wanted from this relationship. After a few days (we would kind of talk back and forth) I told her I kind of needed to know, cause I didn't want to wait anymore. She said she wanted to stay, and make this work. We stayed together, but nothing seemed right anymore. It just felt....different.

After a week or so, we ended up talking about it again. It came back to the subject of her having the mindset the relationship was not going to last (she explained that she didn't think this was going to be her last relationship....that she wanted to have experiences, stuff like that. On a side note about that, we are both....well the V word, and recently she was talking about how she has to realize she will be alone for a while and that guys aren't exactly knocking on her door. If that is the case, then what the hell do you want to have..."experiences" for? What does that even mean?!?) (Would LOVE for someone to answer that one for me)

Anyways, this is when I was debating with myself on whether to stay or leave. Do I stay, and wake up one morning to find out she wants to end it for no reason? Or do I go now? I asked her one question....I asked her if she loved me. She said yes. So I stayed. I guess part of me thought that I could make her stay...that if she did love me, and we ended up seeing eachother, that she would not want to leave.

A day or so passed, and I brought up the subject of seeing eachother. Both to get a feel for where I was moving to, and to see her. She didn't want to talk about it...which struck me odd because she used to be SO happy about me visiting or moving (we used to talk about visiting, and what we would do...what we would go see, where we would visit..etc etc. She even said she wanted to visit, and said maybe this or this month back a few months into the relationship). So after all that, she didn't want to talk about it.

After a bit, she ended up confessing to me that she didn't love me...that sometimes she tells people what they want to hear. Needless to say, I was devastated, and pissed off. Even after all of that, I never left. I still don't know why I didn't....the love for this girl was just too strong.

After all of that, she also told me that she wasn't expecting this out of this relationship. She wasn't expecting for any of this to happen, and only got in this relationship because she was excited that someone actually liked her, and that she had a boyfriend.

After this, we ended up breaking up. Things never felt the same between us, and even after we tried again (don't ask me why I tried again cause I don't know) it ended up not working.

2 weeks went by, and...remember the mutual guy friend in the beginning? Well she was talking to him about us (I have no idea what they were actually talking about), but they were talking. I was PISSED. I mean....of all people, him? REALLY? I never liked him much in the beginning, and if they were just friends I could see that, but its the fact that they had something together, and after all the shit she talked about him to me, she was talking to him about us.

I regret what I did, but I did some snooping around and found some messages between them. Her telling him she deleted her texting thing so I wouldn't text her anymore, and kind of explaining what happened, and he told her that he was right...and she agreed that what he said was right about me...ME. Her talking to HIM about ME.

I wrote out a long, long explanation to her, brushing over everything said here, telling her that this was partially her fault, that this all felt different in the beginning, etc etc. I told her I was upset about the whole thing with the guy, and just general stuff I was confused/upset about.

She responded with minimal explanation, saying that she just wanted it over and to move on. That it hurt what I said, and that I didn't know about half the stuff I was talking about.

We left it at there, and this is where I am stuck. I told her I would stay....try to stay friends (she wants to stay friends), but I don't know if I can.

It's like half of me wants (knows) I have to go, get her out of my life, but the other part of me just can't leave her. I probably left out a lot of what happened, or what I wanted to say, but saying all this stuff right now is hard, and I have seem to lost concentration.

I don't know what to do.

If I remember more stuff that happened, I will update this post, and make a quick thread about it.

Thanks for listening.

[vashti]

Did you ever meet her in person? Or was this contact limited to online shenanigans?

[NickFrench]

Online.

That is one of the things I am quite bummed about, was that it never got past the whole "online" thing even though we talked about it multiple times.

[vashti]

All I can advise is that in the future, you should not invest yourself emotionally in people you haven't met in person. The feelings you have may be real, but unfortunately, real relationships require real interaction.

[VincenzoG91]

Date locally, dude. Spend less time on the computer and more time meeting women face to face.