Just not feeling it anymore... maybe... confused...

[jeansnpearls]

I've been quite distressed about this for a while so I apologize in advance for the length and if it does not make any sense.

I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We have been living together for 6. He is my first and only boyfriend.

He is a really great guy, he deals with my insanity, knows how to make me happy and is willing to help me out, without complaining, in any situation - even when I was unemployed for over a year, he still helped me financially, as well as emotionally. I can't imagine there being anybody else out there I get along with so well. He has never done anything I could complain about!

However, I just no longer feel "it" for him. I am not physically or sexually attracted to him. I never really have been, though I do make an effort. I make the first move, I have brought up the conversation of us being physical and I have bought many aides, but nothing ever comes of any of it. I am sure he feels the same way since he never even attempts to make a move. We never "date" - we never have. He has never once said "I love you," though when I bring it up he says I should just know that he does, by his actions - and his actions do show it. My feelings for him are friend/roommate.

I feel like I want out. I don't know if I really do - since as I stated before, he is really a great guy - or if I'm just bored with the situation. I feel like I have missed out on a lot, since he is my first and only. But it would be huge. Moving, which I couldn't really afford anyways, plus I don't own anything. Pretty much what I have known for my entire adult life would be flipped on its head.

But where does comfort play into all of this? Isn't a good friend and somebody you are comfortable with what one truely wants in the end? Am I feeling like I want to leave because I am bored and unsatisfied, or because I really do want to leave? I have no idea what I want, what I think I want... anything. Is it just a 7 year itch?

Any advice or similar stories would be truley welcome.

I don't even know what to think, let alone do.

[Boisdevie]

1. The physical relationship is not working for you and never has - so why did you ever get together with him?
2. You feel like you want out.

Then end the relationship. It really is that simple.

[surfhb]

No offense but its not that easy....she still loves the guy. Hopefully someone comes along whos been in this situation

[vashti]

I don't know if you should leave him or not: everyone has to decide for themselves if the hope of something better outweighs the loss you will endure if you leave (and don't misunderstand - there WILL be a sense of great loss). The only thing I want to advise is that you shouldn't wait another 7 years to make a decision.

[oldskool83]

you might feel like you missed out on a lot, but i will tell you if you enter the dating world its going to be 1000% different then what your even use to. so great ready for shadyness, lies, maybe a hump and dump or 2, loads of bullshit etc. on the other hand you pissed away 7 years 2 peoples lives not feeling really into him....seriouly WTF why? are you codependant or somthing. 1st realationships normaly always end but dragging them out this long admitting you were not into someone screams to me somthings wrong elseware also.

your entire post sums up a lot of issues i have with women and relationships. you said you have no ideas what you want. then go find out what you want and do it by yourself.

by 27 you should be in the position to tell someone what you want. if you dont you have no valid reason to be in this whatever you call it your in.

[vashti]

i will tell you if you enter the dating world its going to be 1000% different then what your even use to. so great ready for shadyness, lies, maybe a hump and dump or 2, loads of bullshit etc.

Wish I could say I disagree with this, but it's not too far from what I am seeing. I am actually taking a dating hiatus in order to protect my esteem for men in general. I don't want to be bitter and mean if/when a good one turns up.

[KingZ]

No offense but its not that easy....she still loves the guy. Hopefully someone comes along whos been in this situation

No, she doesn't. She said her feelings are "friend/roommate".

1. The physical relationship is not working for you and never has - so why did you ever get together with him?
2. You feel like you want out.

Then end the relationship. It really is that simple.

Yes, it is quite that simple.

You don't have a boyfriend right now, you have a best friend. You never date, you don't feel attracted to him; you're just friends. Your mistake in all of this is that you stayed with him for 7 years. Actually, your first mistake was probably moving in with him when you knew there was no attraction. You knew it then and you knew it now, so where can you go from here? It's going to be more of the same until you find yourself into a deep depression. It's not too late, though!

Look, it's going to be hard, but the only way for you to go forward right now is to take a few steps backward. Bring it up with him, tell him honestly that you don't feel like you have a real relationship together, and that's what you want out of life. Everyone deserves someone to share that experience with. Move out, and get it over with. The whole thing should take you a few months when it's all said and done, but when you find yourself in a great relationship, you're going to be so glad you did.

If you want to make an omelette, you're going to need to break an egg.

And hey, who knows. He might be feeling the same way, and just doesn't want to bring it up. Could end up being a lot easier than you're making it out to be.

[Steelers<3]

I think you need to weigh both the pro's and con's. You say you love this man, you are just going through a phase where you are questioning that. Once you end it, its likely that that will be IT. I would hate to see you end something and then later regret it. Like I said, weigh the pro's and cons of your relationship. If you think its salvagable, then make an effort. If you see no way that you will ever be happy, get out. I'm going through my own personal problems with my relationship where I am actually not sure if we as a couple are meant to be together. But I love him more then anything, and I can't just let us go without trying my absolute hardest and giving it everything I got. I think you should do the same.

[cheekxs]

Breauk up then., why are you making it such a deal. itsnormal that people are not inlove anymore. if it not turn into love, let it go\|

[cheekxs]

his and your match is waiting somewhere for you all. by forcing the relationship you both stand in each others way to meat the one

[jeansnpearls]

Thank you for all of the replies and your help. I have continued to think about this and I think one of the big reasons why I am still unsure about my feelings is because I've never had a relationship before this one, so I don't have anything to compare it to - comfort vs the spark, or however you want to describe it.

You are right in the only thing to do is discuss it with him. I am more than willing to try and work things out and find that spark, but I am not sure what to say.

I don't have any real examples of what is wrong to bring up except "just not feeling it" and I don't have any useful suggestions on how to fix things for the same reason. I suppose we could start off with a weekly date night?

I am sure this post seems silly, as some of the comments have said, it really is as simple as breaking it off. However, writing this all out and reading and taking in the responses, it has made me realize that perhaps I do want to try and find a relationship in all of this. What makes a better partner than a friend, anyways.

Thank you for all of your replies

Now if only he would go to the gym with me and lose a ton of weight, then maybe the sexual attraction would come!

[KingZ]

Now if only he would go to the gym with me and lose a ton of weight, then maybe the sexual attraction would come!

Haha, she said "come"

[ggirl]

7 years is a long time, I had the same thing happen in a 4 year relationship. I spent a year feeling that way until I finally broke it off. Seems to me you've already made up your mind. Don't waste any more time. Go with your gut

[jeansnpearls]

Tonight I explained it all as best I could and all he could say was that he has never felt that we are distant or platonic... Even though we never even kiss... And that he just doesn't understand what I'm saying. I just wish we could take a small break but how do you do that when living together without making huge moving out decisions.

[Saya]

Tonight I explained it all as best I could and all he could say was that he has never felt that we are distant or platonic... Even though we never even kiss... And that he just doesn't understand what I'm saying. I just wish we could take a small break but how do you do that when living together without making huge moving out decisions.

Why don't you ask your friends/friend if you could stay the night for little bit and re-think about the whole thing?
Or you could move back to your parents.

How can you have a relationship with someone and you never even kiss? This whole thing doesn't sound like a relationship....sounds more like a room mate/best friend that lives together.