Guys, tell me if I'm wrong

[Journey2Virtue]

So I want the guys to tell me if I'm wrong to be upset or overreacting.

I planned a trip to Portland, ME with my boyfriend to get some maine lobster from the lobster shack at 2 lights. We were supposed to go this thursday. I planned the flight & planned to rent a car and drive over there. (the flight is free) On saturday, he calls me to tell me that there was a solar flare which usually causes the aurora borealis (the northern lights) to be really active & he was going to drive to portland to see it. And 2 of his friends were going with him. I really wanted us to share our frist time having maine lobster together, so he promised not to have any & would wait till thursday. Then he went on and on about why he couldn't have it twice in one week. So I said I compromised cuz I'm always the one to compromise & said just go to a different shack. I don't know why he couldn't just get a burger, I really wanted us to get maine lobster for the first time together, especially at 2 lights & I told him that. Its a long distance relationship we've been in for years, so things like this that a regular couple can do anytime, we can't. So there's time, planning, and anticipation for everything we do together.

Later, his friend calls me to ask for a good place to go for lobster. I specifically told him NOT to go to 2 lights. I wanted Maine lobster to be our thing & he knew that. He drives right to the place & has lobster anyway. So now I'm pissed. I wanted Maine lobster for the first time to be our thing, he couldn't give me that. On top of that he goes to the place we were planning to go. And now I feel like he had his little adventure with his friends, something WE planned months ago & now I don't even want to go with him anymore. When I told him how pissed I was he tries to minimize it saying we can still go, it'll still be speical. He's the one that swore maine lobster tastes the best & completely different than anywhere else, which is why I planned this in the beginning. After he goes with his friends, he brushes it off saying the maine lobster tastes just like the ones in boston which makes me think even more that there's no point in flying there for him to have what he's already had. Then after all that he's trying to say maybe it wasn't the same lobster shack blah blah blah. Now I don't want to bother. I feel like his friends always come first and whenever he wants to do something with them that goes against a promise or agreement we made, he just breaks the promise or agreement to have fun with his friends. And every time he does it & I get upset he has 100 excuses & justifications, acts like its no big deal and acts all innocent like I'm being the biggest bitch ever for insignificant things.

So is it really insignificant? It really really upsets me. So am I wrong here?

[Boisdevie]

For ****s sake, it's a place that sells lobsters. And I imagine he was just really pleased when you 'told him NOT to go to 2 lights'.

[Journey2Virtue]

He agreed not to go. He originally agreed to just wait to go with me. WHats the point of making an agreement if you'll just dismiss it when its convenient for you

[Cerby]

What the heck is this? Isn't the time you spend together more important than where you spend it? He lives in Maine, of course he is going to have the Lobster at some point, it isn't something you can share...It would be like me in a long distance relationship and my gf telling me not to watch hockey so it could be "our" thing. It sounds stupid, and is stupid.

If you're getting cranky about something like this and it is ruining your time together, then the relationship isn't really working, now is it?

[Journey2Virtue]

Actually he lives in Boston. Which is a 3 or 4 hr drive away from Portland. Its not a place either of us visits often, or even sometimes. He doesn't live there & doesn't know anybody there

[Journey2Virtue]

maybe I didn't explain it well enough. we were both going to travel to maine together. leaving the state & eating lobster is not as common (for us) as watching hockey. It looks like you're from Canada, Soooo I think it would be more like you promising your GF planning a trip to Boston to see the Bruins for the first time on a thursday, and you decide to go with your friends earlier in the week. Its not the same as going to a neighborhood restaurant or catching something on tv that comes on more than once. Its not like he was going to Maine on sunday & our trip wasn't planned for another month or 2. It was a few days later.

SO what I'm asking is, For something that requires you to travel for hours & rent a car, something that you're not likely to do again for the rest of the year or the year after, is it really too much to ask that you reserve doing it for the first time for doing it with her, especially after you already promised to do that? Another example would be a few times when a movie would come out we'd plan to see it & he'd say he'd wait till I could come over (which would be a day or 2 after the movie comes out). But if his friends want to go, then he'd go with them. Yes we can see it again with me, but whats the point after he's already seen it?

or are you saying it doesn't matter as long as he does it with me at some point?

[Cerby]

we were both going to travel to maine together. leaving the state & lobster is not as common as watching hockey. It looks like you're from Canada, Soooo I think it would be more like you promising your GF planning a trip to Boston to see the Bruins for the first time on a thursday, and you decide to go with your friends earlier in the week. For something that requires you to travel for hours & rent a car, is it really too much to ask that he reserve doing it for the first time for doing it with you, especially after he already promised to do that? Another example would be a few times when a movie would come out we'd plan to see it & he'd say he'd wait till I could come over. But if his friends want to go, then he'd go with them. SO whats the point after he's already seen it?

or are you saying it doesn't matter as long as he does it with me at some point?

Essentially yes, the time together should be more valuable than the activity done. If you're in an LDR, appreciate that time you get to spend together is exactly that, together.

Are you going out for lobster, or are you going out for dinner with him? What is more important, the food or the company? I think it you let the little things slide a little bit more you might get more out of the relationship as a whole.

[Journey2Virtue]

yes, we're going out specifically for Maine lobster (for the first time together). We can go for dinner any time. There are places in boston & new york, where we've never gone. If I just wanted to spend time with him I could make him dinner at his house. He loves my cooking. We're going to another state specifically to TRY this food together. He already did it, so what's the point now?

[searock]

I don't think you got Cerby's last post. From what I take, he was pointing out that what should be important is not what you two do when you see each other, but the fact that you are together per se. Who cares about what you're going to eat - you are going to eat it together, that's what counts. So in that perspective, it's irrelevant whether he already tasted the lobster before.

I do understand that it can be frustrating for you to plan ahead and let him know how much you care about it being the first time for the both of you, and still have him go earlier without you, disregarding your feelings by doing so. Also, even if he thinks yours are silly reasons (he probably thinks that is's no big deal if he sees a movie a day earlier etcetera), he shouldn't pretend to agree with them only to completely disregard them in the end.

[Journey2Virtue]

I do understand that it can be frustrating for you to plan ahead and let him know how much you care about it being the first time for the both of you, and still have him go earlier without you, disregarding your feelings by doing so. Also, even if he thinks yours are silly reasons (he probably thinks that is's no big deal if he sees a movie a day earlier etcetera), he shouldn't pretend to agree with them only to completely disregard them in the end.

THats exactly how I feel. It is frustrating. But I see Cerby's point too. There are more important things to get upset about, so I'll just let this thing go. Maybe we'll go see cirque in vegas instead

[smackie9]

I don't know about you, but I see a guy trying real hard to get dumped by his Long distance GF.

[J.R.Jefferis]

I don't know about you, but I see a guy trying real hard to get dumped by his Long distance GF.

Yep...seems like he is trying to drop a hint.

[bulrush]

I really wanted us to share our frist time having maine lobster together, so he promised not to have any & would wait till thursday. Then he went on and on about why he couldn't have it twice in one week.

Life is not a fairy tale. Why can't he have lobster once with his friends and once with you? You are just very unrealistic.

He drives right to the place & has lobster anyway. So now I'm pissed.

You choose to get pissed over such tiny things that are not worth getting pissed about. How about if you two just enjoy your time together, whether or not he had lobster 5 times earlier that week.

After he goes with his friends, he brushes it off saying the maine lobster tastes just like the ones in boston which makes me think even more that there's no point in flying there for him to have what he's already had.

You are over reacting again.

So is it really insignificant? It really really upsets me. So am I wrong here?

Yes, it's really a minor thing...to normal people, but you create mountains out of molehills, and try to blame it on him.

If you don't like the guy doing this, dump him. But if you don't dump him, stop complaining how he acts, because I don't think he is going to change.