What the heck do I do?!?!

[thatgothicchick]

I've recently found myself starting to develop very strong feelings for a friend of mine...trouble is, he has a girlfriend already...however, I get very strong vibes of a mutual attraction, and all the signs that guys show when they like a girl...I've always been a very good judge of whether or not a guy likes me or not, and my heart tells me he does...and that's not just wishful thinking on my part because I like him.

And let me just say, he knows that I like him, BUT, he also knows, because I adamantly told him, that I will NOT try to break them up, and that is nowhere near what my intentions are. I do NOT want to be "that girl"...and I can't stand the thought of being responsible for someone's misery in that type of situation...

Anyways...so back to his girlfriend...I don't know her all that well, but I like her, and regardless of whether or not I liked her or not, I still do NOT want her to get hurt...but I've gotten hints of the relationship going through some bumps...

That...and I got an anonymous letter from someone telling me that even though they are with someone, they feel a stronger connection to me, and that if they were single, they would find themselves falling in love with me...

There is NO one else that feels that way about me, and it's too much of a coincidence for me to not believe it's him...

Now...I'm not getting my hopes up...mainly because, again, I don't want his girlfriend to get hurt...that and I am afraid of letting myself completely trust him if he could leave her that easily for me...

But all that aside...suppose it just isn't working out between them? If he's truly not happy with her, and he does decide to leave her...I'll obviously play it cool...he may not be leaving her for ME, but at the same time, I still feel like he feels for me...

Anyways, I'm just asking...if this were a situation where he WAS going to leave her for me...how do I respond? What if his girlfriend was emotionally destroyed? What about her family? I don't want anyone to get hurt...I know sometimes it's not unavoidable...I've never quite been in a situation like this before...

[smackie9]

It's touch and go in situations like this. Never believe a relationship is going down hill. Most often it's not the truth, but more like a selfish ploy to keep you close by just in case. I would be more worried about you getting hurt and not his GF. I have seen this happen many times and it doesn't always end on a happy note, but more of a let down. I know it's hard to restrain your feelings when he is always there, the sexual tension can be over bearing and it doesn't help when he isn't resiting too much either. It's best to focus on something else and just put those feelings on hold. Might be wise to go hang out with other guys to keep you occupied for the time being.

[Boisdevie]

Stay away until he's single.

[searock]

I was in your situation not so long ago, and eventually we got together.

Their relationship is not your problem. It's not going to be your "fault" if they break up, it's not like you have been making moves on him like kissing him etc (in that case, your "fault" might be that of tempting him into cheating. But even then, it would have ultimately been HIS choice). You just let him know that you have feelings for him, which was a good thing to do since you are close friends. He is already emotionally cheating on his gf, I think he should break up regardless of your interest actually. Anyway, it will be *his free choice*.

If he really loves you and wants to be with you, he will break up with her eventually. Tell him this, and let him know that if he decides to break up with her, you are willing to go out with him (provided it's not going to take more than a month, or anyway as long as you're willing to wait). Then stay away from him until he does (if he does) - if you can't avoid talking to him (for example, if you work together), avoid the subject if not to reinforce what you have already told him. It's going to be a tough decision to take, especially if they've been together for a long time, but don't accept stories like "I am going to break up, just give me some more time"... as you said, you don't want to be "that woman". This is what you are: a woman who has confessed her feelings to a close friend of hers, and who is waiting for the response. The fact that he has a gf is irrelevant from your point of view, so don't get involved in discussions about her. The only thing that matters to you is: is he going to go out with you or not? That's all.

[cheekxs]

if he have a girlfriend, your feelings doesnt matter. respect other peoples relationship!

[haxan]

Agree with searock. Tell him you have feelings for him and let him decide what he wants to do (since you think he likes you). If he doesn't reciprocate, then walk away and leave them alone. If he leaves her for you, good for you.