Girlfriend is being really distant

[ShockWaves]

Hi everyone! I’ve been browsing this forum for a while but this is my first post ever.

I’m having a little trouble with my girlfriend Laura. We are both 19 and have been together for about 9 months now. We have never really argued, there has been the odd conflict but this has been forgotten within minutes. During the first seven to eight months everything was insane, we both literally felt like we were walking on clouds. We were so in love, smitten, and inseparable. We text constantly, told each other how amazing we felt about each other and the relationship, were all over each other and the sex was great. I never wanted this period to end; I literally felt invincible and the happiest man on the planet.

During the last two months she has been getting kind of distant. When we are together (a few times a week, maybe less, maybe more) everything is still awesome, we kiss and hug a lot. We make each other laugh, both say ‘i love you’ and just genuinely have a good time. But when we are apart I find she is totally different, almost to the point where now I am getting really down as I feel she is getting bored of me or just doesn’t find me interesting or want to be with me. She doesn’t text as often, we still text every day, but now she takes ages to reply and her replies are blunt or short. Sometimes she completely ignores what I previously said and texts me something random. We don’t have long phone calls like we use too (we use to spend like 1-2 hours a day on the phone). Sometimes she says she will call me later but never does, I end up getting a text saying she was busy doing stuff and is getting ready for bed now. At times I feel like I am giving more to the relationship than she is, where before it was 50-50.

I’ve called her up on this, asked her what was wrong whether she is angry at me, stressed or just getting bored and she says everything is fine she is just bad at texting (yet she texts everyone else fine) and we are at the comfortable stage in the relationship where we don’t need to text all the time. Yet I still get this feeling that there is more to it, that maybe she is trying to distant herself from me as she doesn’t feel the same yet doesn’t want to end it. Is this me just over analysing and thinking? Yes maybe the honeymoon period is over, but is that the only reason? I really do feel like she has got so distant that something must be up. I have been hurt before many a time, and this has made me a tad insecure, maybe it is these insecurities that are making me feel this way what do you think?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop initiating contact with her. Start hanging out with your friends, and wait for her to contact you. Start talking to other girls, and even go out with them, just don't do anything physical with them yet. You're too clingy, and that gets really annoying. I hate feeling like I'm obligated to be in constant contact with someone, and she clearly does too. Stop being so attentive to her, and start paying more attention to yourself. She'll notice.

[ShockWaves]

Stop initiating contact with her. Start hanging out with your friends, and wait for her to contact you. Start talking to other girls, and even go out with them, just don't do anything physical with them yet. You're too clingy, and that gets really annoying. I hate feeling like I'm obligated to be in constant contact with someone, and she clearly does too. Stop being so attentive to her, and start paying more attention to yourself. She'll notice.

Should I be worried she isnt texting so much? or should I just back off and accept that what we have is good, were just in a more comfortable stage in the relationship were we don't have to be so intense? some of your advise seems like your suggesting I make back up plans.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You shouldn't be worried, you should just accept it, and respond by not initiating texts.

In effect, I'm suggesting you do both. Accept what you have from her, but make back up plans too. Really what I'm suggesting that you do is start focusing on yourself more, instead of focusing all your energy on her. Do things you like doing without her. Start hanging out with other girls and get your female attention that way. Once your girlfriend realizes that you're not at her beckon call, she'll probably show more interest. If she doesn't show more interest, then start hooking up with other girls until you find one you like, then dump your g/f.

[ShockWaves]

I'm not the kind of guy who talks to other girls in a relationship kind of way if I am with someone else though. She is the girl I love and want to be with, i'm just worried she is bored - its more the fear of losing her than getting the attention I want.

[searock]

BackUp, why should he wait until he finds another girl he likes before breaking up with his gf?! It's what a selfish and weak person would do.

[toknow]

some of your advise seems like your suggesting I make back up plans.

Ahahah...anyone else notice the pun here.

It seems to me she has lost the mystery of the relationship. It would be good for her to know there is more to you than she knows. Also, she seems comfortable and isn't afraid to lose you, that can make her even more comfortable. To be continued...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

BackUp, why should he wait until he finds another girl he likes before breaking up with his gf?! It's what a selfish and weak person would do.

I'd like to amend your statement to say, It's what a selfish OR weak person would do. OP seems like a weakling, lacking in self confidence and balls. Anyway, I really just meant that he should see other women and keep himself occupied since his g/f is not interested. If nothing changes, then she's clearly not interested anymore and using the OP. Chances are there's another guy involved. OP, should use her in return until he finds someone more suited.

ShockWaves, if you really want to get things going, tell her you want to break up and see how she reacts.

[smackie9]

I have a feeling she's chatting with another dude on the internet and now is emotionally hooked on the attention he gives her. At first she thought it was harmless, but after a few months she is starting to have feelings for him.

[Cerby]

I was thinking the honeymoon phase is definitely over, but it seems to have gone beyond that. I like the idea of you finding other things to do, backing off a bit and letting her contact you, etc. I think it's too early to play the break-up card though.

But if you're feeling hurt and sad, then you shouldn't stay in it either. So talk to her about it, if she bounces you or doesn't respond appropriately for a relationship of this length, then you might toss in the towel and move on.

[Cerulean.]

I agree with Cerby. Especially on the finding other things to do and having her initiate the contact from now on.

[HeartIsAching]

I was also thinking she'd found someone else to give her attention and/or the honeymoon phase was over and she was starting to think that he's a bit too clingy.

I'd advise backing off for a while and see what happens.

[starbright08]

Less is more. After you have been with someone for awhile it's only natural that you tone down on the lovey mushie romantic stuff. The reasons you should feel secure and trust that your partner has your heart. The fact the she still shows affection when your together says a whole lot she still has feelings for you and they are the same. But just cause she isn't texting you or on the phone with you 24/7 doesn't mean you have much of a reason to be upset your being way too clingy and if your worried about losing her that's a good way ppl need space. Unless she stops being affectionate in person and acting strange in person I wouldn't worry about it.

[searock]

I agree with the idea of taking time for himself and doing things he enjoys by himself (without even attempting to involve his gf), perhaps even flirting with other girls a bit, both to get the attention he lacks and to hopefully make the gf realize what a dangerous path she's walking. But I still think it would be wrong for him to flirt with other girls with the intention to find someone he likes. If he wants to break up, why should he wait until he has a back up plan? Only a selfish and weak person would do that. If he isn't happy with the relationship he should just break up (as a strong person would do, with no safety net), and then eventually find another girl.

[ShockWaves]

Thanks all I really appreciate the advise! She worrys about losing me over silly things occasionally (hasn't for a few weeks) and talks about our future together - are these good signs?