What does she want? I know what i want...

[bigred0489]

First Post, go easy on me...!
Me and my Ex were together for two years, about 6 weeks ago, she phoned me and ended it. She moved away about a year ago and we were doing this long distance (an hour or so apart). We had been through a rough patch for a week or so before, i went down to visit her, then ended up drivingaway because she was basically ignoring me when i arrived, didn't want to talk to me etc.
However, I turned around and went back and we were better than before, holding each other, telling each other how much we loved one another.
I left a few days later, after she reassured me we were going to be fine, only to have her phone after a drink at 2am to break it off. I was so angry, i hung up, i couldn't believe she was doing this to me in that way! Had a week or two of no contact, then it started slowly, the occasional message or facebook message etc. Last Friday, she had a few glasses of wine after work (she works in a restaurant over the summer holidays), came back home and discovered that i had managed to get my first Grad Job. She started fb messaging me, then called me, then asked to skype with me.
She was upset, crying, telling me she missed me, asking me if i wanted to go down and meet up with her, visit her new Uni flat with her and such. She was also going on about how upset she is at home (she's always had a rough time due to family background, a lot of issues there).
I told her to get some sleep and we could arrange something later, she made me promised that we would speak soon.
That was basically it, very little contact, i asked her last night (a week and a half after this conversation) what all that was about, and she said she was upset, just wanted someone to talk to and that she was sorry. That was it!? I of course got a little angry, i genuinely thought things were starting to look up at last, she goes away on a charity mission on the 14th of July, plus i now have my full time job, so i dont know if we'll actually get a chance to talk before then, but she did say recently that she "hopes we get to meet up before i go". WHAT IS GOING ON!?

I text her this morning to apologise for getting angry, and saying that if she wanted to meet up before she goes, im more than happy to.
But she hasn't replied. I considered sending her a facebook message seeing as she'll get that (the village she lives in is awful for phone reception) basically just saying that i "would love to meet up" and i can even drive half way down to meet her at the weekend if she wants, theres just so much that i want to ask or talk about. It just ended, just like that. Im absolutely devastated. Any advice ladies, would be much appreciated.

[bigred0489]

It might be worth adding that just days prior to all this, i was supposed to be going down for her mums birthday that week, away down south for a wedding with her family for a week, everything was booked. We were going on a mini-holiday for a long weekend this month... so many happy plans ahead of us, then this!?

I know folk are gonna say "she's not worth it", "move on and find someone new", but please, if anyone has ever been like this themselves before, had issues at home and suffered from depression or anything, i would love to hear from you. I just want to be with her, to help her, to love her. Her flaws mean nothing to me.

[oldskool83]

she does not know what she wants. you do. i dont consider an hour long distance. that could be like 25 miles which is nothing. anyway is she making your happy playing with you emoitions? you sorta seem like a door mat, i left i went back we talked i left jazz. break ups are not easy....hers was premeditated and maybe some else has her eye which didnt work but i think shes just noisey and wants to keep tabs on you. any ex g/f will want to trust me!

[HeartIsAching]

I think she wants to break up, but misses you and can't stop contacting you, especially after a drink or three.

You probably need to tell her that you're not down with half-measures - she either needs to be with you or go full "No Contact" with you.

[Boisdevie]

You are letting yourself be toyed with. Don't you deserve more respect? You're certainly not getting it from her are you?

[oldskool83]

shit ot get off the pot....i say she has pussyitious

[bigred0489]

she does not know what she wants. you do. i dont consider an hour long distance. that could be like 25 miles which is nothing. anyway is she making your happy playing with you emoitions? you sorta seem like a door mat, i left i went back we talked i left jazz. break ups are not easy....hers was premeditated and maybe some else has her eye which didnt work but i think shes just noisey and wants to keep tabs on you. any ex g/f will want to trust me!

I dont think it has anything to do with the distance looking back, we still saw each other quite often!
I do feel a bit like a door mat, and i know that sounds crazy. I agree, it sounds like it was premeditated, I think whats angered me the most is the call/skype session we had a week & half ago. She went from telling me all these things, being really upset, and now it's as if she won't talk to me.
I sent her a message on fb last night basically saying:
"Its over, and i accept that. But there are so many things i dont understand, it ended so abruptly and suddenly." so on so forth. Then said "I would like to meet up if you're still keen" as she had said several times, including this week, that she would like to meet up before she leaves.
I know that she saw the message, thanks to fb now telling you that your message was read... (hate that function!!), but no reply. She has also been on fb a lot today, quite a few posts. Its as if she knows i want to meet up before she leaves for a month, and so is comfy enough knowing that and so is rubbing it in my face!?
WHY DOES SHE HAVE SUCH A HOLD ON ME!?

[Angellic]

She has a hold on you because you are letting her. Cut off all contact with her - delete her from FB etc. You are torturing yourself by going online and checking to see what she's saying/posting. You know it's pretty much over, so draw a line under the relationship while you still have some dignity left. I had a traumatic 6 months with someone who did much the same. He broke it off, made up with me, rinse and repeat many times. It was painful, disrespectful, and made a mockery out of everything I thought I felt for him.