Can't forgive her... but can't let it go? :(

[IamTHATguy]

So my girlfrend and i was together for 15 months, over a month ago she kissed another man.

I couldn't forgive her but stayed with her for the time being, she was so sorry, constantly crying, apologizing, saying crazy things to make it up to me (i'll get your name tattoo'd/ i'll never go out without you again/ move in with me now. etc(stupid things))

Anyway, it took me a couple weeks to realise i need to break up with her, i told her i dont want to talk to her or see her again.
This was only 1 week ago now, and i had to text her telling her i miss her. Feel like i can'tbe without her, mutual friends always tell me im doing the wrong thing as she's crazy about me.

One thing playing on my mind is, night after i split with her, i went out with my mates drinking, and ended up round someones house and had sex with them, i don't hardly remember a single thing about it to be honest. Obviously meant nothing, just felt right when i was drunk!

What's the best thing to do from a neutral perspective?? Leave it, as much as it hurts, give her another chance? I know she loves me but im so scared it'd happen again!

[IamTHATguy]

Also, do i tell her about sleeping with someone? i always feel honesty is the best policy to a succesful relationship.. but dont feel like i should have to now?

[berryb]

Hello,

I feel that first of all, the fact that she kissed someone is not that bad. Was she intoxicated at the moment? She obviously regretted it and she let you know that it is you who she loves. I honestly think you overreacted, as kissing is not the worst kind of cheating out there, especially if it was a one-time thing (maybe she approached with the kiss?).

It was a big overreaction that you broke up with her, especially after having spent 15 months in a presumably good relationship. Again, her reaction of crying, apologizing and even saying crazy things all mean that she truly regretted it and she wanted to be with you.

Having had sex with someone further complicates things, although you were not officially together by this time. I think you should meet in person and discuss this. Let her know you missed her and that your reactions reflected your initial and incontrolable feelings of being cheated on. If you believe that honesty is the best policy, you might also want to let her know about your sexual encounter while drunk (its up to your judgement).

Good luck! And I wish you can get over this and pick up where you left things before they went bad.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Berryb is a moron. If a girl admits to kissing another guy, it's very rarely just a kiss. Drunk or not she wanted the comfort of someone else, and unless you've completely changed as a person in a week, her feelings aren't going to change. It will probably happen again, or she'll just come to terms with her feelings of not being as into you as she think she is or wants to be and break up with you. Not to mention that your paranoia is going to get the best of you, and you're going to become a clingy, controlling guy.

[IamTHATguy]

Yeah, and i don't want to become that controlling guy, don't think i can even play that roll. Feel an idiot questioning who she's been with, what she's been up to, etc.

A thing i didn't mention is that she didn't admit to kissing, she told her friend and that was it, i saw a text message that instantly hugely hinted me something had gone wrong, she said she couldn't tell me as she knew i'd just end the relationship.

I'm not making excuses her in the slightest, but we'd been argueing all week that led up to the kiss.

So you think, the kiss is unforgivable? and that one day it'll come to an end, is there never a fairytale ending after such a situation?

EDIT: i'll add, im the most stubborn person on this planet. It doesn't help me in this situation

I've gone through it all with her, TELLING her that she did it cause she wanted the comfort of someone else, try new things/people, she said that is not the case in the slightest, that he kissed her and it just happened. :/

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think in this situation, the kiss is unforgivable and you have stated such in the the very title of this thread. Whether it's forgivable or not depends on the person, and you don't seem to be able to get over it, which is completely understandable. You don't want to have to worry that every time you two disagree, she is going to go find another guy, which is exactly what happened. This wasn't something that just happened, it was intentional. It would be unforgivable for me, and I told you what I would do to her in the last thread you posted about this.

Fairytale endings don't really exist even when the partners in a relationship don't cheat on each other. Relationships take work, and she's already shown you what her work ethic is like.

What did she say to you about trying again? If you're really that stubborn, keep her around for sex, until you can find someone else. Tell her that you're willing to take it slow or something like that, otherwise just stay broken up, and DO NOT contact her. Also, yes, you should tell her that you slept with someone else the night of your break up.

[Bewsh]

Personally, if I found out my girlfriend had ever cheated on me I would straight away end it. If a girl truly loves you, she wouldn't even let the situation come close to happening. As hard as this will be to read, I personally feel that that's the truth. You can either sort everything out and forgive her, the relationship will probably feel quite good admittedly - but you've gotta ask yourself, will you constantly be worrying? everytime she's out without you how will you feel? etc etc. Or, you can stay apart, you'll feel awful for weeks, months, possibly even years. You just gotta decide what would be best for you.

Best of luck man, hope everything works out for the best

[IamTHATguy]

She's begging for a 2nd chance, she's asked me to move in with her, just saying all kind of crazy stuff that's ridiculous and things i am not even thinking too much into to be honest.

Yeah, it's been eating away at me for a while now, keeping her around for sex is way easier said than done. My feelings wouldn't ever dissapear for her, im in love with her, not her sex.

[IamTHATguy]

Personally, if I found out my girlfriend had ever cheated on me I would straight away end it.

I can always relate to this quote, cause it's what i've always said myself, now it's happened to me, and how our relationship was it's so difficult and harder than just saying, end it and that's it.

But one of my friends got cheated on by a guy, and she's taken him back (he slept with someone) and i think she's ridiculous for doing so.

[oldskool83]

forget her, but only a short time after dumper her now your acting like a crazy fool also, get over her and leave women alone until can think stright.

[Sleed]

Hello Imthatguy , people on this thread tell you all the time to quit ,to give up. She ****ed up , its not a huge **** up , its small. My sister was cheated on by her boyfriend 4 or 5 times and she forgave him all the times and they are still as a couple after 10 years and very happy ... people **** up from time to time. What i would do in your shoes is forgive her , put a clear law between you that she shouldn't ever do that again and tell her to make love to you every day for the next month as punishment. Just make love to her daily , it will get you 2 conected, dont disrespect her , its love not sex. It should heal you both and reconnect you.

[JoeyJR]

So my girlfrend and i was together for 15 months, over a month ago she kissed another man.

I couldn't forgive her but stayed with her for the time being, she was so sorry, constantly crying, apologizing, saying crazy things to make it up to me (i'll get your name tattoo'd/ i'll never go out without you again/ move in with me now. etc(stupid things))

Anyway, it took me a couple weeks to realise i need to break up with her, i told her i dont want to talk to her or see her again.
This was only 1 week ago now, and i had to text her telling her i miss her. Feel like i can'tbe without her, mutual friends always tell me im doing the wrong thing as she's crazy about me.

One thing playing on my mind is, night after i split with her, i went out with my mates drinking, and ended up round someones house and had sex with them, i don't hardly remember a single thing about it to be honest. Obviously meant nothing, just felt right when i was drunk!

What's the best thing to do from a neutral perspective?? Leave it, as much as it hurts, give her another chance? I know she loves me but im so scared it'd happen again!

you should have done that as soon as u found out

she disrespected you in one of the most possible worst ways

second bold = you should have never tell her that..

i smell more trouble down the road.. dump her

[Boisdevie]

Hello Imthatguy , people on this thread tell you all the time to quit ,to give up. She ****ed up , its not a huge **** up , its small. My sister was cheated on by her boyfriend 4 or 5 times and she forgave him all the times and they are still as a couple after 10 years and very happy ... people **** up from time to time. What i would do in your shoes is forgive her , put a clear law between you that she shouldn't ever do that again and tell her to make love to you every day for the next month as punishment. Just make love to her daily , it will get you 2 conected, dont disrespect her , its love not sex. It should heal you both and reconnect you.

Utter bullshit.
The 'relationship' or what you call it is clearly over. Dead. Finished. You clearly care for her so much you **** another woman a few days after splitting up - but that's OK isn't it because it was just the booze - my arse.
And she only kissed another guy but it was only a kiss and meant nothing to her - my arse.
You are both as bad as each other.

[starbright08]

I think if you miss her and the way you are right now then honestly the kiss didn't bother you that bad. You still love her so why would you throw that away. If she is begging and crying she really didn't mean to do it the fact that she can tell you she made a big mistake like this says she truly does love you and want your relationship. the fact that you went as far to sleep with someone else you should tell her if she can look pass it then this reelationship is worth keeping but you should tell her the truth she did it for you and if you can't tell her then you should let it go you already left her no need to waste her time.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Starbright, she didn't admit to this the kissing, the OP had to find a text message, which says that he already didn't trust her.