Dating a cop

[kdjm]

Hello, I need some advice about a relationship I just got out of. My ex bf of 3 years recently became a police cadet (step under an actual cop). Once he started the training, he became so busy and tired that we barely saw each other and when we did he was always so tired. We went from seeing each other every single day to only once a week for a few hours. About a month ago, he ended the relationship because he felt like it was unfair to both of us because we never saw each other. When he was breaking up with me, he was in tears, which I know meant a lot because I had NEVER seen him even come close to crying prior to this. He told me that he wanted to break up for the duration of his training, and then get back together after. Since then, i've talked to him lots and seen him lots because we have many mutual friends. He still wants to get back together when his training is done (which is in about another month and a half). Yesterday when I saw him, I learned that a lot of the stuff he has to watch and learn in his cadet training was becoming very emotionally straining for him.. but since he wants this job so bad he refuses to let anyone support him. He even told me that he would choose his job over his own mother (who he loves very much). SO what I have gathered from this information is that his cadet training has pretty much brainwashed him. If i even consider getting back together with him, he'll have to learn how to balance a healthier life than now.

So pretty much, I was wondering if anyone out there has any personal experience or advice when it comes to dating a cop, especially a new cop just going through the training process.

[iamaninnocentma]

This reminds me of the time that phobe was dating a cop. Everything was going really great until they went away for the weekend. In the morning the cop shot a bird through the window because it was singing, and phobe couldnt forgve him. Do you really want to be in a similar situation? Plus they become fat after a few years because of all the donut eating. On the plus side, he ll probably get a horse if he is canadian.

[misombra]

police officers see the lowest of the low. they are often the first to respond to a death, horrible accident, children and animals being beaten and starved... they are expected to deal with all the problems of society nobody knows what else to do with.

it makes it hard for someone to come home and feel happy about their lives. i know women who are married to detectives and higher ranking officers. it's rare to see a beat cop married with children.

also some people feel that they have a gun and a badge and start asserting their authority toward everyone. that becomes a real drag.

[IndiReloaded]

He sounds like a nice guy, not one of those jerk cops. Tho he's young. I think you should accept the breakup and date other people but keep in touch as friends.

Also, not sure your profession, but its my opinion that high stress jobs like a police officer do better with a partner in a relatively low stress, stable job (like office admin). I know a couple police couples and they didn't make it. If you have high career aspirations yourself, beware. Two high stress jobs don't mix.

[haxan]

This reminds me of the time that phobe was dating a cop

I saw the one where she found a badge and started using it to make people do things, that was kind of funny.

OP, does he have a job when he's done with the academy, or have to take time to look around and apply?

[kdjm]

well when he's done with his training he will be working part-time while in school as a cadet. so his duties will include little tasks such as guarding crime scenes and directing traffic. But if you do good in this program, you are almost guaranteed to move on to become a constable. Therefore, as long as he works hard and doesn't make any major mistakes, he's pretty much set for his career.

[haxan]

If the training in the academy is emotionally straining for him now and affected his relationship with you, it isn't going to get any easier while he's a reserve and then ultimately doing it irl. I think everyone handles that kind of job differently. Like the others said, there's a great deal of stress (at times) that comes with it. There's also temptation and opportunity around that they may have never had or are not used to dealing with. Sometimes younger, less experienced guys are vulnerable to it. I'm sure it can take it's toll on personal relationships.

It's up to you if you want to give it another try with him. Just know what you want, and what you don't want out of the relationship. I have to say that he seems a little gung-ho (saying he'd choose the job over his mother), though. Little red flag there?

[surfhb]

Life gets easier has he settles now into his work. My best friend is a cop and I saw the strain on him during training and the start of his career. He's sounds like a good guy but hes made it clear that this is more important to him right now then you...as it should be. No brainwashing here.

[jetta86s]

Hello, I need some advice about a relationship I just got out of. My ex bf of 3 years recently became a police cadet (step under an actual cop). Once he started the training, he became so busy and tired that we barely saw each other and when we did he was always so tired. We went from seeing each other every single day to only once a week for a few hours. About a month ago, he ended the relationship because he felt like it was unfair to both of us because we never saw each other. When he was breaking up with me, he was in tears, which I know meant a lot because I had NEVER seen him even come close to crying prior to this. He told me that he wanted to break up for the duration of his training, and then get back together after. Since then, i've talked to him lots and seen him lots because we have many mutual friends. He still wants to get back together when his training is done (which is in about another month and a half). Yesterday when I saw him, I learned that a lot of the stuff he has to watch and learn in his cadet training was becoming very emotionally straining for him.. but since he wants this job so bad he refuses to let anyone support him. He even told me that he would choose his job over his own mother (who he loves very much). SO what I have gathered from this information is that his cadet training has pretty much brainwashed him. If i even consider getting back together with him, he'll have to learn how to balance a healthier life than now.

So pretty much, I was wondering if anyone out there has any personal experience or advice when it comes to dating a cop, especially a new cop just going through the training process.

If his not seeing someone and you feel that you both are still in the zone, then there's no reason not to wait. Although I doubt if things like before will ever be the same, considering that he has a new found faith.