Male perspective please!

[orator21]

Hi, I'm a 22 year old girl trying to get some males opinions!

I've been going out with a guy for 4 months (we haven't spoken about it being official etc, though it is sort of known). According to his friends he hasn't had much experience with girls. Every time I've seen him (Once or twice in a good week) he's incredibly sweet and has to be one of the kindest people I've ever met. (Not in a 'trying to impress me' way either, just a genuinely kind person). We slept together after about 2 months of dating and he didn't rush me into it at all, in fact I started to think I wanted it more than him! However, the whole time I've been seeing him he has almost NEVER texted me just to chat etc, it's only ever to ask me if I want to do something. I don't want to come across as annoying or clingy so hold off texting him, even though I think about him quite a bit (which is only natural when you start dating someone I think!). Another thing is sometimes he can go 1.5 - 2 weeks without suggesting we do something - not that I don't ever ask him out but I'm not going to do it every time! I completely don't understand this. Every time we're together it's as though he can't get enough but then it's as though he just forgets about me.

I don't know if this is just the type of person he is or if I'm just way more into him than he is to me. Though by the way he acts when we're together this doesn't seem like the case (which makes it even more confusing for me!) He is short on cash at the moment and I don't know if one reason could be that he thinks he has to take me out etc, but there's so many things that we could do that are cheap or free.

I've let this go on since we started going out but I'm starting to fall for him quite a bit and am now wondering if I should break it off before I end up getting really hurt if he isn't into me the same way. I just don't understand if you like someone how you can't be wanting to see them more than once every 2 weeks!

Anyway, if I could get some male perspective it would be MUCH appreciated!

[smackie9]

The only thing you can do is talk to him about it. Communication is key for a relationship to stay healthy. Just discuss what you have told us here....your expectations in a relationship, about spending more time together etc. Ask him if this is all he is looking for in a relationship, a call once in a blue moon and see each other like once a week, then just tell him you expect more so sorry this has to end.

Never "settle" just because you are starting to fall for them. If you are unsatisfied now, why would you want to invest your feelings with someone who is not on the same page as you down the road. Please have some clear thinking on this.


I'm curious, what are your GFs saying about your situation?

[Sixpacj]

"Hi, I'm a 22 year old girl trying to get some males opinions!" Why don't you respect the thread, Smakie, and not impose yourself with your discourse, please?

"I'm curious, what are your GFs saying about your situation?" Why don't you start/move this thread, Smakie, to "ask a female" then, I think this would be more polite than what you're doing here...

[smackie9]

Whaaaaaaaa whaaaaaaa did somebody take yer babba away?

[VincenzoG91]

When I was 22, money was really tight. I was a college graduate, so I had some student loan debt and also some credit card debt. And my first job after college didn't pay that well. I didn't do much dating at the time, though I do remember hitting the bars regularly with friends. So maybe money is the issue in your situation. Just in case, try to tactfully let your guy know that he doesn't need to take you out somewhere every time you get together, that you would be happy just spending more time together.

[orator21]

Thanks for the replys. We have done things that are cheap/free (Watched movies at home, cooked each other dinner etc) so I'd have thought he'd know by now that I'm fine with doing those sorts of things.

It confuses me if this is the reason - if the situation was the other way round and I was short on cash I'd still constantly be thinking about things we could do together or at least keeping in contact!

And every time it happens (where I don't see him for an especially long time) I'll have almost given up on him and then he'll come back and do something that makes me wonder why i was even worried about him lacking interest. I know this is really nieve sounding and silly.

I realise that I should probably speak to him about it rather than try to guess why he does it. I'm just worried of scaring him off/sounding too intense. But really, after 4 months of him acting like he's practically in love with me when we're together to forgetting about me when we're apart, I'm getting a bit frustrated!

[Sixpacj]

Whaaaaaaaa whaaaaaaa did somebody take yer babba away?

yep, classic smackie. incoherent babbling. in the wrong thread at that.

[searock]

Sixpacj, you haven't offered your perspective, so your posts on this thread are as out of place as you think smakie's are. By the way, she offered advice, you are just trolling for the sake of it.

OP, maybe he is afraid of coming off as too clingy (maybe because of some past experience)? I also think you should talk to him about this issue, tell him that you would like to keep in contact more when you are not together and that you would like to see each other more often and for him to take the initiative more often. Communicate :-).

[zaccarus]

Orator - talk to him & tell him what you're feeling, if he hasn't got a lot of experience with relationships he probably doesn't know how to act in one!