Basically, Me and the girl in question had been very good friends for about a year(while she had a boyfriend) before developing into something more;where she eventually cut the relationship;saying she wasnt ready for a new one. A couple of months have passed and despite my feelings for her,we have generally managed to stay close friends although there have been several incidents(sex, kissing etc..) that would suggest otherwise.She has also admitted to me that she is scared that after my feelings disappear I wont care at all about her and thus end up drifting apart to which i shrug and stay silent because I can see the sadness with which she said it.
Anyway, after returning from an island for 2 weeks, She calls me over and one thing leads to another and we end up doing things again. Thing is(and this has been happening during and ever since the break up), is that everytime we do something she will seem really uncomfortable and will be the one to eventually stop it. I'm ok with it most the time, considering the delicacy of the situation and just let it pass . This time though I lost control and told her I just couldn't face her anymore as a 'friend' and that everytime I see her I'd want something more.I finished by saying it just doesnt work when one person wants one thing and the other person wants another and that I was only being honest with her; that I'd need some time.
This is not the first time I have proposed not seeing eachother for a while but all the other times one of us gives in after 1 or 2 days and we're all 'fine' again. All the other times it was not done bitterly either; we both accepted it as possibly the right option.. This time however she was in tears and slammed the door in my face, told me to go and **** my self. Later that night I sent her a text telling her I loved her and that I wish she'd understand I cant be the friend she wants me to be. I also told her that I wouldn't remain bitter over this and for her not to get herself down- we havent spoken at all in the week since.
I might be moving to England after this summer, and am torn apart by the thought of leaving things how they are but I have no idea what to do. I feel like I shouldnt call her because I'm the one who left and going back on my words would be immature, yet I feel like I've truly lost the person who has meant the world to me these past 2 years and am getting deeper and deeper cravings to just call her knowing that theres a chance I won't see her again.
Sorry about all the reading! I just wanted to explain the nature of the situation. I would appreciate any advice that someone can give and thank you for your time