So sad and confused

[Howdidigethere]

Hi everyone. This is my first post I could really use some help. Im 31yo woman. I have a two year old, been married to my husband for 6years together a total of 14 years. Im poating here because I think my marruage has come to an end, but I just dont know what my next step is. I dont know if I should stay in a un satisfying marriage or take the plunge and move on. My husband makes about 200k per year. I make about 70k per year. I have been fighting with my husband off and on for the past 2years. We fight over everything. I mean everything, including something as stupid as how much ketchup should go on a sandwich. I just cant take it any more, we hardly talk. Our conversations are limited to about five words. Its lonely. We hardly have sex. He constantly refuses me. And let me just say I am very attractive, I work out 5days a week too. So its not a looks thing. We fight a lot over my daughter too. He tells me im worthless because I dont hear my daughter making noise in the middle if the night n it wakes him up. I will always love my husband, but im not in love with him anymore. If I stay with my husband I have a very easy life, I het whatever I want, not that I dont work my ass off in my career. Ive really been thinking about seperating. I dont think I can stay here fighting all the time and being unhappy, regardless of how easy I have thinga financially. Am I crazy? Should I just deal with being unhappy or should I give it all up in the persuit of happiness? Please help.

[Pegasus5]

There is something very wrong here. I would say 'get out right now!' only I know it's not that easy, especially when kids are involved.

Would you be prepared to see a marriage counsellor?

[Howdidigethere]

@ jason, what blows your mind?

@pegasus5 yes I would be willing. I asked him to go about 8months ago and he refused. Yes it is so hard to leave, but I have to look out for my daughter. Plus I dont want everyone to think om nuts...walking away from a cushy life. So I dont know what to do.

[Pikachu]

How do we all get there? It seems the malady of modern life that we all get to this point in our relationships where we cannot speak to each other anymore. It sounds like it is over. I know kids make breaking up hard but is it not better for your daughter to live in a household where there is calm and peace, not two adults yelling at each other incessantly?
It sounds like this has been going for a while so perhaps it is time to put a deadline and realistic expectations in place. Sometimes it is better to cut your losses. Good luck!

[Boisdevie]

Your marriage is worthless. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself 'I deserve better than this'.

[sunnybeachgirl]

please honey do you self a favour and leave this man,if he wont go to counselling or make any effort in the relationship then its over,you deserve better,no one should ever tell you that your worthless,im speaking from experience i left my daughters dad when she was nearly 2,he was a alcoholic and we were fighting alot,its best for you and ur daughter to live happily you dont need lots of money to do that but you do need to put yourself first,she will only folow by ur example do u want your daughter growing up thinking this is a normal relationship???cause it isnt,really really beleive me you need out,it will be hard and confusing at first,you will be sad and heartbroken,not because you miss your husband but because you will be mourning for the family that could have been,its hard being a single mum but its definitely harder to be in a relationship where u are being mentally abused, good luck and stay strong

[Howdidigethere]

Thanks for the advice. What makes this even harder is the fact that my husband really isnt a bad guy. Yes we fight\argue, but its not violent. I think im just bored with the relationship because theres no communication. Its like we are living seperate lives. In addition everyone in my family loves him. I know if I leave everyone will think im crazy.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't make the decision based on what everyone else will think. They're not in the relationship day in and day out.

[zaccarus]

Your relationship is probably over however why not go and see marriage guidance on your own. Your husband may see you going and then may want to join you and you may sort things out. It maybe worth a go but be prepared to leave him as you are not worthless in the slightest and you do not deserve that abusive behaviour.

[ColorRed]

Hi howdidigetthere, I'm sorry things have gotten difficult in your marriage and that you feel like you and your husband have grown apart. Not wanting to be in an unhappy marriage is understandable, but at the same time, your situation may not be as hopeless as you feel it is right now. I think most couples have ups and downs in their marriages and divorce doesn't always turn out to be the easy answer. Before you give up, I'd encourage you to seek some counseling - even if your husband isn't interested in this (yet?), it might be helpful for you to just talk to someone yourself. If you're not sure where to start, I know of counselors at Focus on the Family who will talk to you for free over the phone and could possibly give you a referral to a counselor in your area – just call 855-771-HELP (4357). In working with this organization, I've found many good marriage resources - you might find it helpful check out the marriage category on the website(focusonthefamily.com) Just some thoughts… Take care, ok?