Sexting while drunk "to feel wanted"

[totallyconfued]

I am looking for some advice.

I have been with my partner for 5 years in total. He has been my only serious relationship since I was 17. We were together for 3yr and broke up as he cheated on me and wasn't ready for a long term relationship. Almost 2 yrs ago (after a 2 year break) we got back together again. I was extremely weary and thought for a long time before getting back together. He broke my heart the first time we broke up and it took me a long time to get over him. He made all these promises to me about never hurting me again and how much he was ready and wanted a serious relationship with me. He told me he'd realised what he wanted and had grown up.

So, 2 years on, we live together and are (what I thought) happy. We are to re-locate abroad with his work in the next week and I'm now in the dilema of what to do as I have found out he has sent messages to other girls. I found about 4 months ago on his social networking site messages to a girl calling her "my baby". I confronted him about this and he told me he has never met the girl and he's spoken to her for yrs on the site (she also has a bf). They chat on the site through "chat" but nothing has ever come of it. When I confronted him he deleted her and said he was sorry but I had nothing to worry about. I then found on his phone messages from he when he was drunk saying he'd like to meet her. I confronted him again and he said he had no desire to meet her and only did it while drunk "to feel wanted". Again, he appologised and made all the excuses under the sun....he was drunk, he has never met her, he wants to feel like he can still have someone (even if he's in a long term relationship) etc etc... I forgave him and carried on.....

Now, 1 week before we are to leave, I check his page on the social networking site to find that a girl he'd been seeing before he got back together with me had been speaking with him. He initiated the conversation and its light chat...until he asks why she never replied to his text the previous friday. Her response is that he had had the chance to meet up with her before he left (to go abroad) and he turned it down - he cant send her naughty texts and expect her to reply - she has a bf now. He also asks her if she still has the picture he sent her and she says no as she wouldnt want her boyfriend finding it.

I call and confront my partner and he says he was drunk. He doesnt know why he does that when he is drunk he doesnt mean what he says - he likes to feel wanted. He says when he's drunk he seems to think he can have anyone and his social networking site is there..."i could be typing it to anyone, its irrelevent who as i dont mean it, i only want the feeling of being wanted" ....He loves me...he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me but he is scared etc etc....

I know I should leave him. I know what he has done is unacceptable. I guess i'm on here to ask for advice is im too embarrassed to speak to my friends or family as after the 1st break up they are weary of him. I dont want to speak to them as i know if i do they would never forgive him and our breakup would have to be final. I have a lot of emotion tied up with my partner - i've lost both my parents through death and I feel like i really need him. He's been there through all the hard times (my dad dieing last year) and has supported me. But now im lost.....

I have to move in 1 weeks time - i have nothing here. I've quit my job, packed up all my belongings (at his parents house) and am living at our flat until i leave next week. If i dont go then we are totally finished. If i do, will he do this again? Can i ever trust him? Does he really love me?

Please help!!!

[dem862]

Drinking causes poor judgment. He hurts you when he drinks. If he wants to stop hurting you, he should stop drinking. Or is his drinking more important than his relationship with you? He doesn't sound like a great catch to me. He sounds like a man who drinks too much and then flirts with other women. Is this what you really want in a long term relationship?

You say you know you should leave him and what he has done is unacceptable. Yet, you do not leave him, and you are accepting what he has done. Do you realize when you move, you will be even more dependent on this guy? This will give him even more room to play because he knows you will not leave him. You are co-dependent, my dear. That means you are willing to suffer pain to make someone else happy. Your life will not be easy if you don't change your ways.

[Wakeup]

Never mind the inappropriate chatting behind your back, the lies and the deceit. Your boyfriend is DRUNK all the fking time. Get rid of him before you find yourself 20 years from now, old and down trodden from the years of abuse and lies and neglect you've taken because you've accepted his excuse that "he was drunk." Do you ever wonder what he does when he's out and about and drunk and a real live girl "makes him feel wanted?"

You want to leave, you're just too afraid to. Well don't be, you'll be far better off without him then you ever would with him. Go to Al-anon, they will help you with your obvious codependency issues.

Do the mental visualization of you and he in 10 years from now... what do you see?

[smackie9]

Never mind the inappropriate chatting behind your back, the lies and the deceit. Your boyfriend is DRUNK all the fking time. Get rid of him before you find yourself 20 years from now, old and down trodden from the years of abuse and lies and neglect you've taken because you've accepted his excuse that "he was drunk." Do you ever wonder what he does when he's out and about and drunk and a real live girl "makes him feel wanted?"

You want to leave, you're just too afraid to. Well don't be, you'll be far better off without him then you ever would with him. Go to Al-anon, they will help you with your obvious codependency issues.

Do the mental visualization of you and he in 10 years from now... what do you see?

Agreed!!!!!

[JasonHJJ]

it is amazing!

[KristenElaine]

Simply put...you said you know you should leave him. That says everything right there. Leave him.

[zaccarus]

Have to agree with the other messages. Leave him and dont look back, please don't go with him as you will regret it in time.