Marriage Vs. Career

[chica]

Hello everyone Sorry if there is already a post about this.

I wanted to ask you ladies out there: how do you manage having a family and having a career?

I'm glad that woman are getting an education nowadays, but this has impacted the 'traditional' roles of family that existed a while ago. People got married at a younger age, and men had the responsibility to be the breadwinner and women had the responsibility to do domestic work. Part of me is relieved that these gender roles have been changed, but I think it also creates confusion for women in particular. We want it all, but how do we get it?

I am very focused in school and I thought that I would meet a guy to date there. But despite the number of guys at college, I never really met someone that I 'clicked' with. Everyone commuted to school so there was little campus life. And it seemed like the guys that I talked to that were single were too focused on school to really want a relationship!

I plan on going to graduate school for a Masters Degree because my profession requires it. I'm only 21 now, but by the time I graduate with a Masters, I will be 26.And I would like to get married around age 27 at latest, but then I would have to meet the guy around age 25 or 24. I don't know how to balance schoolwork with dating, to be completely honest.

Do some career-focused women use dating sites to find a husband? I think if I'm 25 and still haven't met anyone, I'll subscribe to one

I just wonder if any of you women out there feel pressured to find a husband AND a career. I had no idea that it would take me so long to finish my Education, and I think it would be difficult to get married while still in college/ grad school.

[vashti]

I think it's possible to "have it all", just not all at once. Doing too many things at once will spread you too thin. I don't know why you need to be married by 27... why the hurry? Even if you don't get married until you are 30, you will still have time to have babies.

[Boisdevie]

I plan on going to graduate school for a Masters Degree because my profession requires it. I'm only 21 now, but by the time I graduate with a Masters, I will be 26.And I would like to get married around age 27 at latest, but then I would have to meet the guy around age 25 or 24. I don't know how to balance schoolwork with dating, to be completely honest.

This doesn't exactly answer your questions but you seem to be planning an awful lot and life quite often does not go to plan. You can't just assume I'll do A then B then C. Are you dating now?

[chica]

I'm not...I had some pretty bad relationship experiences so I think right now I just need a break!

Maybe I'm just getting a little freaked out because one of my friends (20 years old) is getting married next month. And I already have one friend who got married when she was 19. But you're totally right about planning out life too much; I tend to do that even though I know that you can't PLAN to meet your 'soul mate'. I guess I'm just worried about trying to fit everything into my life lol. And I think I feel a little despondent about relationships in general because I've had several devastating break-ups.

My mom also had me when she was about 36 and had an extremely difficult pregnancy, and I just don't want to be in the same situation she was in.

[vashti]

You will thank yourself for having the good sense not to get married at 19 or 20 when your friends start getting divorced. (I am NOT kidding.)

I think you are worrying prematurely about the pregnancies. I had a difficult pregnancy at 27. There are no guarantees.

[IndiReloaded]

I had a dead easy pregnancy at almost 30. So everyone is different. And yes Vash is right: 20 is far too young to get married. Even 25 these days is too young, IMO. Get settled in a career, get some stability (house, some retirement $) then consider marriage and children. 30 - 35 is ideal, I think.

[haxan]

30 - 35 is ideal, I think.

I definitely agree with Vashti and Indi. Just food for thought though OP, that leaves you about a 10 year window to either find Mr Right, settle for someone that you'll end up despising and want to divorce after 5 years, or end up being a cat collector.

The good news is that your selection process will be much better in your 30's and your odds of finding someone compatible for the long term are much, much better.

[Purple&Yellow]

Always career ...

[JasonHJJ]

Thanks for your post.

[BlueberryCookie]

I am 33 years old and still not married. I did a PhD and my boyfriend waited for me. If you're with the right guy, he will wait for you and respect your wishes.