Imaginary Love Affair

[jenniferx]

I like someone who I barely know (Lets call him Blank). Through mutual friends and word of mouth, I know we are, at least, physically attracted to each other, though I think maybe something more exists. Unfortunately, getting to know blank person more wouldn't work out due to my fearful/shy personality and some practical differences. I feel like I'm over analyzing an experience; we are strangers. Despite this, Blank's actions seemed more genuine than any guy who is just looking for just physical intimacy, which consists of most men--no offense, I'm young and deal with many guys looking for just sex, cool if you're into that, sucks when you want something more. That, or socially awkward men/ drug addicts-no thank you!

Why does life throw one guy you connected with at you and then let desperately available douche bags prevail :/

Dear Life,
you suck.

Love always,
Nostalgic for something that never existed.

[surfhb]

Unfortunately, getting to know blank person more wouldn't work out due to my fearful/shy personality and some practical differences.

Pfffstt! Huh??!!

Then why the **** are you on this site?

[jenniferx]

hahaha what?? I'm shy so I write my insecurities on the internet masked by a false identity, duh.

[Boisdevie]

hahaha what?? I'm shy so I write my insecurities on the internet masked by a false identity, duh.

Confront your insecurities because otherwise your chances of having meaningful relationships won't be very high.

[Wakeup]

hahaha what?? I'm shy so I write my insecurities on the internet masked by a false identity, duh.

Nice tude! I think it will be far more a negative influence on your relationships then your shyness ever will be.

Get over your crush through practicle self-reflection about the impracticality of it or be productive in getting what you want. Two choices, pick one. Is he shy to and that's why he doesn't just ask you out or, is it just that he's not interested?

[jenniferx]

:/ I know he is interested (at least physically, though I felt something more) but like I said practical reasons.

I also I know those are my options, I'm not waiting for a magic wand to fix my problems. I guess I'm just ruminating over it, which I'm aware isn't healthy. It is just very disheartening dating guys that are all wrong for you. I'm not perfect by any means but I consider myself 'datable' enough, though I'll admit I can be very introverted. I actually do get asked out by random guys a lot (I guess I'm approachable/amiable.. I've had guys on the street/at school hand me their number or stop me to chat, so in a sense I really am lucky and should't be complaining because I know some girls have don't get approached at all). I've given up going out with these random guys, though. While I like to maintain an open-mind, this is not only is it not really safe, I've noticed that guys who tend to do that are desperate---not trying to judge, this is based off bad experiences, like I said I've run into drug-addicts you who seemed clean-cut, and others who are just socially awkward. It just makes me sad and lonely cause I get asked "How are you not in a relationship yet" sometimes, and I don't know the answer. It's probably because my guy friends I hang out with are either not straight or not my type--Again, I'm being picky, but you can't fake attraction-- and the random dates I've been on don't end up well. The ONE time I think I connected with someone, it won't work out.

So I apologize for the attitude, I was just kidding. I just get frustrated. I do tend to romanticize stuff so maybe I'm doing that with Blank. I'm not looking for advice really because I know what my options are, like I said I'm just disappointed. I'm aware of my faults; when I do really like a guy, I get extremely shy, whereas I'm usually not one to care what others think. I truly don't think that I'm being overly picky, everyone should have reasonable standards in regards to dating. It's just times like these that I realize you should feel a certain way when you're with someone and settling for someone who makes you feel like an object or is overly critical sucks.

Sorry for the rant :/ Like I said, not looking for advice really, just a place to vent.

[IndiReloaded]

Seems you've set yourself up in an impossible situation. Maybe you just like the *idea* of dating him more than actually dating him.

When you get lonely enough, you'll decide to do something. Come back when you're ready.

[haxan]

You must still be a teenager, I'm guessing.

[jenniferx]

Nah, I'm in my early 20s

@IndiReloaded: How do you differentiate between the wanting the idea versus the person?

[Esther52]

great
it is amazing!

[CAM]

Indi's right.

You are setting up barriers because you are insecure. If he's a nice guy, be approachable. Or approach him. It is that easy. If you want to make it difficult, you will. If you want to be with him, you can be. Here's the deal...men are easily led into a relationship if they are attracted to you and if you lay out some breadcrumbs for them. Too many women seem to think that the best way to make that work is to have sex with the guy (hence, the number of total asshole guys out there). That's the easy way...the path doesn't need breadcrumbs because the lego genitalia we were given...P fits in slot V...etc. But, if you want to get a guy from an emotional level, then you have to line the path with a few emotional breadcrumbs and if he can follow the path, then you are in good shape and so is he

[jenniferx]

Indi's right.

You are setting up barriers because you are insecure. If he's a nice guy, be approachable. Or approach him. It is that easy. If you want to make it difficult, you will. If you want to be with him, you can be. Here's the deal...men are easily led into a relationship if they are attracted to you and if you lay out some breadcrumbs for them. Too many women seem to think that the best way to make that work is to have sex with the guy (hence, the number of total asshole guys out there). That's the easy way...the path doesn't need breadcrumbs because the lego genitalia we were given...P fits in slot V...etc. But, if you want to get a guy from an emotional level, then you have to line the path with a few emotional breadcrumbs and if he can follow the path, then you are in good shape and so is he

That's helpful, thank you. I want to clarify I do NOT sleep with guys to gain their attention. 9/10 times sex outside of a relationship is a bad idea. But it is obvious when a guy just wants to sleep with you and doesn't care about getting to know you whether or not sex ends up happening. I think one of the main reasons Blank was important is he didn't even try to sleep with me in a situation where most guys would have.

[CAM]

That's helpful, thank you. I want to clarify I do NOT sleep with guys to gain their attention. 9/10 times sex outside of a relationship is a bad idea. But it is obvious when a guy just wants to sleep with you and doesn't care about getting to know you whether or not sex ends up happening. I think one of the main reasons Blank was important is he didn't even try to sleep with me in a situation where most guys would have.

You are welcome Sounds like he is a nice guy. I agree with your view about sex.

[haxan]

Don't get so wrapped up in men being douches at your age, Jennifer. Most guys in their early 20's are experimenting with life and having fun, figuring it all out before they find the right one and take on a career, mortgage, wife, children, etc...nothing more. Ya, nsa sex is a big part of that, always has been, always will.

To want something different in your early 20's, yes, you're going to have to do a lot of filtering.

BTW, how does your introverted nature and practical difference spell doom for Mr Wonderful?

[jenniferx]

Well..I live in a different city, so we probably will never see each other again and even if we did, it wouldn't make sense to pursue anything-an ideal ruin for my careful/sensitive personality (i.e.: we won't be put in situations where we are forced to interact such as would be the case if we went to school together or had a closer proximal connection).