lying

[Tug]

Why does a woman keep lying to you about her friendship with other men than turn around and tell you how much she loves you? She swears she's never crossed the line but seeing how friendly she was toward her male friends on FB and how she treated me so badly has me confused. She told me this morning she loved me and didn't want me to leave but because she's lied so much in the past I can't stay here any longer not knowing what she's doing at work. I just don't understand why it was necessary to not necessarily lie to me but not tell me she was talking to her ex so much on the phone when there is clearly no reason for them to talk at all (no kids or business related matters) or why she was being so nice and friendly to her male friends on Facebook but would go for days without talking to me and wouldn't tell me why she was so mad at me.

[KristenElaine]

Get out of it. If ever a woman lies to you about another guy, especially an ex. She is hiding something. You are making excuses for her and not facing the truth. I know it sucks!!! But a persons actions speak louder than words.

[Tug]

Kristen, thanks for the reply. Please understand Im not trying to defend her but will try to explain things better. When I found out what was going on i packed my things and was headed out the door. I told her the only way I would stay is if we were on the same cell phone account so I could see who she's calling/texting, she give me her passwords to both her email accounts, we see a therapist, text her ex and tell him to cease contact and she deactivate her Facebook account and she agree to every one of my demands. She's a very strong Christian woman who was a deaconess at her church so for 5 years and actually pulled out her bible and swore she has never touched another man in an emotional manner in anyway shape or form since we started dating. She was married to her ex for 10 years and during those 10 years there wasn't a weekend that didn't go by that he wasn't drunk.From what she said he wasn't mean or abusive its just that come Friday evening to Sunday afternoon her was drinking (usually beer). She told him she wanted a divorce several times but he always said he would stop but never did. After 10 years she finally had enough and left him.

He bought a house thats about 5 miles away from where we live, she told me that if she wanted him back all she would have to do is tell him and he'd come back to her but thats not what she wants. She had 10 years of his drinking and he had plenty of chances to change but didn't so she moved on with her life.

Yesterday I was getting ready to leave and when she called me on her break I told her I was leaving and couldn't talk and pack at the same time. She actually left work and came home. She told me she was sorry for hurting me, reiterated she hasn't been unfaithful to me and asked me not to leave. While we were talking she called the therapist and made another appointment for us to see him today.

Im old enough to know that if a woman wants to be with another man she'll find a way to do it, you cant watch her 24/7 but why would she do everything I've asked her to do in terms of the cell phone, passwords, text her ex and tell him to stop contacting her and give up Facebook and still continue to lie about what she's doing? She's an attractive woman whose friendly and easy to talk to she could replace me in a minute but is willing to do what i ask to make the relationship work. Thats what makes it all so confusing.