Is my man empathetic?

[Marie1753]

This is an exchange from my guy and I... Please read and let me know what it means to you...

I sent this text to him today

Its been really hard for me for the past couple of months & what I'm going through, I really needed you to be there for me. I needed you to be the shoulder I needed to cry on, someone to say we are going to fix the problems, but you haven't. I know you have your business & work & I feel like you will never have time for me... I can't do this any more... I feel like I'm last in your life & it shouldn't be that way...




This is what he said

If I say that I understand you, then i'll be lying. I don't think you realize that you are your biggest problem. The reason I say that is because we all know that the body ALWAYS follow the mind, and if the mind is always in a negative state then the body also will always be in a negative state. The biggest advice I can offer you is this:
Change your mindset and your life will change.

I tell you all the time that you always take things in a negative way (even when the situation doesn't call for it), and I try to encourage you whenever I can but you call yourself a "worry-wart" and it ends there.
You see, I do try to encourage you but you dont see it because of your mindset. Therefore, as much as you would like to think that i'm not there for you, I am, you just dont see it.

You expect me to be under you all the time because you once told me that maybe it's because you're spoiled since you and your ex did everything together. Well, I have a dream and I don't have time to sit under anyone. It seems that you have a big problem understanding that because we go through this same discussion almost every week.

The first thing you'll say is that you're not telling me not to do this or that, but you actually are in your expectations.

I have my own issues too but you can't tell because I believe that attitude is everything. I choose to fight my problems with a smile on my face.

[dem862]

You told him you needed his emotional support. He perceived it as you have a problem that can only be solved by changing your attitude. You two are not speaking the same language. You have poor communication. He is trying to help you, but doesn't understand what you really want. A relationship counselor would have you do active listening and repeat back to each other what you mean, until you get it right. This is the type of feedback you need from each other. As a rule, men are not empathetic, but I wouldn't blame your communication problems all on him. That would only make him defensive.

[MaidenMinx]

What don't you understand? He is tired of your negativity and neediness. How old are you both and how long have you been together?

[Marie1753]

Let me tell you a little more about our relationship.... I have been with him for about 1 1/2 and the 1st couple of months was okay. It usally is, right? We met at work and during the relationship, he would pick me up and bring me home from work. That would be the only time we would see each other besides a date on the weekend. I told him back then that I wanted to spend more time with him, not all of his time, some. He is currently working on his goal which is his business and that takes up most of his time. He doesn't spend the night at my house, nor do I spend the night at his... I never met any of his family or friends, but he met mine. I have been patient with him, but it's to the point now that I can't take it any more. I'm tired of "being a so called relationship" and waiting. It's summer time and I will see him once a week.

So, I sent him the text today to let him know how I was feeling... Is that wrong?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You knew what he was like beforehand, so you shouldn't expect him to change. It does sound like he's right. You sound very whiny, and he's probably sick of your bitching.

That said, if you're not getting your needs met from the relationship, quit bitching, and end it.

[MaidenMinx]

Texting emotions is a bad idea. You need as many areas of communication open as possible. Voice infliction and body language are missing from text and leaves your words way too open to incorrect interpretation.

If you are unhappy with how little time he has for you, it's upto you to decide if you can accept it or move on.

[JasonSA]

Thanks for your post

[Esther20]

Thanks for your post

[haxan]

What are you going through? The only thing you've said is that he doesn't have enough time for you. You want to know if he has empathy for you, because you don't see him enough? I don't get it.

[searock]

I think what she meant by lack of empathy is not the fact that he doesn't spend enough time with her, it's the fact that he doesn't even try to see things from her point of view. He does sound impassible to your feelings OP, and that is because he doesn't understand them. It's like you are speaking two different languages. He has probably never felt the way you are feeling right now, which is insecure and needy. That's why he can't empathize, he has no idea of what you're feeling and he considers those feelings to be a weak person's feelings.

[Esther20]

Thanks for your post.

[pisces25]

Sounds like he is married.. you have never met his family or friends and he doesn't stay over and says he is always busy with the business. Sounds suss to me.

[Marie1753]

Thanks everyone... Talked to him last night and we are not on the same page. He broke up with me...

[Cerby]

Thanks everyone... Talked to him last night and we are not on the same page. He broke up with me...

Yep, sounds like there is FAR more to this story than you posted. Your text to him was a troll, you told him you couldn't take it any more but didn't end it, it was almost a threat in a way. He did a great job responding to it imo, he sounds like a guy with conviction and balls.

You need to find someone else like you, a bit needy and clingy so you can both lean on each other. When someone needy leans on someone who isn't leaning back, it puts a lot of weight on the person being leaned on. He will learn from this and find someone a little more independent. It's the best thing for both of you.

[IndiReloaded]

Voice infliction

This made me LOL. It^ certainly is with some partners. Sorry Minx; I'm laughing w/you not at you.