Please tell me, what is in love Vs loving your girlfriend

[Me Leigh]

HI! I am a new poster, I go to loveshack normally, but want even more opinions and more varied threads.
My question is: what is the difference between being IN love, and merely LOVING a women.

PLEASE, can you answer that above question FIRST, before taking the rest of my post into consideration. There was a guy I spoke with, on the other loveshack website, who told me that my boyfriend is NOT in love with me. It really uspet me, and now I need GUYS to give me their take, on what they know to be LOVE vs simply LOVING a girl.
Please make a clear list.

I have had different responses from people on this...

One girl simply said; loving someone, is loving them like family - in love is also wanting to be with them sexually too. Hmm - I think it is possible to like a girl romantically, and get very attached, and confuse it with love. It seams like it would b e easy, especially for people not very in tune with their emotions.
Another guy has convinced me that my own boyfriend, is NOT in love with me! My boyfriend and I, who have been together around 1.5 years, had a couple of 3 somes, the last one being about 6 months ago. We both made felt safe, and did not do anything the other was not comfortable with - it was mutual - I had always wanted to try a 3 some, as did he. We did not feel our love was lessened or minimized. He does not need to do it again, and is ready to settle down with the one girl - he simple enjoyed the sexual varity, away from the one girl he has been with constantly. It is something he enjoyed, but not NEEDED... the way some guys NEED another girl, in order to handle being in a long term relationship with their partner. My boyfriend could happily go without anymore 3 somes and could have gone without the other two. It was actually my suggestion.
The 3 some was between my partner and two other girls ( including me)
My boyfriend does not want other girls, and is very satisfied with our sex life, and the 3 somes were just random fun. He has very honest with me about his feelings - and swears it is not something he NEEDS from me, and was merely a fun thing.
It was a mutual thing, too - I have a fettish with watching my boyfriend with another girl - and my boyfriend and I are both people who can seperate emotions and sex.
Apparently - according to a very experienced man I talked with - it is not possible for a guy to be IN LOVE ( truly IN love) and be able to have a meaningless 3 some -
So, now you know about the 3 somes, I am a little uspet that this man I talked with, who has had a lot of experience with girls in relationships with him - swears that NO GUY can be in love with a girl, and EVER be able to have sex with another girl.
I agree with him to some extent - if a guy is in love, most guys will not enjoy sex from other girls for the rest o ftheir lives - fair enough - however, I do still think that some men, especially men in their 20's - ARE able to truly love a girl, and still enjoy the odd 3 some if their girlfrinds are cool with it.
I think a guy is capable of switching off, and having meaningless sex, while still truly IN LOVE with their partner. WHy is it then, that some guys are SO INSISTANT that they are RIGHT, and I AM WRONG.

I have felt extremely happy with my partner without even questioning the love before! It is just recent events have lead me question what TRUE love is, opposed to LOVING a girl.
Two guys have told me, that they have been IN LOVE, and also been able to have sex and 3 somes with other people. On the contrary, other men have sworn that a guy in love cannot do this. I personally think there are just different types of people!
I will re state: my boyfriend 100% thinks he is IN LOVE with me! Although I am his first long term girlfriend, and he is not the emotional type of guy who likes to talk about feelings - but does so for me when I need to.
We are very close, live together most of the time, he has one or two nights a week with his guy friends for a boys night, but spends most of his free time with me.
We are extremely close and attached, and love just being together. He says he does not want other women and it would feel wrong to be with women besides me. I guess our 3 some situation was comfortable to us both - but that does not mean he wants other girls in general. He just enjoyed the 3 some.
He says he does not miss the initial thing with a girl, whereby he is interested in discovering and pleasing them. In fact - he never liked giving ORAL SEX to girls before me!!!!!!!!
He went down on ONE girl before me, he was with her for abotu 3 months and only did it a couple of times - when she actually asked for it - he says he loved it, but it is not his thing in GENERAL - he HAS to be in love or feel REALLY strongly for the girl! With me, he does it and likes it - so he is not compelled by other girls to go down on them, or even please them. He just liked a new girl for sex. A new vagina, literally, so to speak.


So.... I am DYING to hear from men, how they feel about being IN LOVE with a girl, compared to merely loving the girl.... I want to see how it is for mroe people out there,I am nto satisfied with what I know about this topic....

[Me Leigh]

Come on guys! I am very happy in my relaitonship - we are mutually elated and thrilled at what we have together and find it to be stronger and mroe amazing than " other couples" hahah, typical of people in love..

It just REALLY got me, that this guy, who is actually extremely experienced with cheating in HIS previous relatinships - he SSWEARS my boyfriend, if he was IN LOVE with me, he would never be able to enjoy meaningless sex with another women.


So, I want lists of the in love things guys do, opposed to the things you do when you only LOVE a girl.... ANd also, your opinions on " can a guy in love have meaningless sex, as a ony of occurance"

[searock]

I haven't read the rest of your post, I'm just answering the question: you need to look at the way he looks at you. Does he have those dreamy eyes as if he were seeing the most beautiful and amazing thing on earth? It doesn't matter that he *always* looks at you like that (although it matters if you're still in the honeymoon phase), but at least sometimes. For example soon after you made love, or when you get him a small present, or he gets you one, or when you don't see each other for some time and then you meet again. It's all in his eyes really. If he seems distracted when talking with you, isn't careful about your feelings and prefers doing something else rather than seeing you *most of the times*, then he likely isn't in love with you. When you're in love you would do anything for the person you're in love with to be happy, and you can't stand it when they're sad. You make silly thoughts like "s/he is *the one*, I want to spend my life with him/her, s/he makes my life complete, etc".

When you love someone, you care for them and their happiness, but if they're sad it's not like you feel miserable as well (unless it's because of you, in which case you might feel guilty but that's another thing). You don't give them your total attention when they enter a room or when you're talking with them. The idea of spending your life with them actually makes you feel oppressed and you really don't want to. You see your relationship as a good but temporary experience. You consider sleeping with other persons without the thought *always* ending in "whatever, I'm happy with him/her, I don't care about sleeping with someone else :-)". Obviously if you actually start talking to other people in an intimate way (be it physically intimate or emotionally intimate), then you are likely not in love with your partner. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend and confident, as well as the person that you most enjoy, and are most comfortable, having sex with (at least that should be what you believe).

Now I'm reading the rest of your post.

You were included in the threesome. So as long as you two had emotional connection and intimacy during the act, and the other girl was excluded from this, it was basically you two plus a human sex toy. Nothing to be worried about.

[Me Leigh]

THANKS. Yes, the girl in the 3 some was a human sex toy. He enjoyed the notion of another vagina/ another hot naked chick, rather than the standard monogomus thing, whereby guys can entertain thoughts about other girls, but never get to touch one ever again. He would never speak dirty to a girl, tell them how much he wants them, or how turned on his is by them.... It is just a human sex toy. Really. He saves dirty talk for me, and he is really adverse to having emotions for other girls - he wants to safeguard what we have.


Hmm. Well, in my case, he:
- considers me a best friend, and says he is so comfortable around me, and can act in ways/do things/say things, he could not just do around others
- he has started to copy my hand gestures, which are quirky and very " me". lol. He noticed he was doing it and was like " haha, I do not want to turn INTO you, I want to eep my unique individuality! ( which makes me want to try to get him to copy something else - I like f*cking with him haha. Pranks and getting each other and having some fun is what we are all about)
- he wants to spend most of his time with me, albiet one or two days a week with his " male" friends.... just to drink beer and be a typical guy.. hje is not into talking about feelings and in turn, does not have many female mates he associates with on a regular, one on one basis; he prefers guys things, like beer, footy ( although ther are chicks who are into that, I realize).
- we feel together, always, even when we are apart.
- he is not the needy or jealous type, yet he texts me when he is out with his guys, telling me he misses me, at least once that night.
- we can live together and be together all the time, and still have fun and enjoy being around each other, and love each other more and more.
- he cares about my feelings and puts me before his friends if I need him
- he says he hopes we work out forever, although we are both not naive enough to assume everythins goes to plan

Here are the things I was/am unsure about

- he does not always or often have that raging sexual chemistry towards me, as in " ripping my clothes off". I have body umage issues, though, and and he is accustomed to me not letting him rip my clothes off though! He says this impacts his ability TO rip my clothes off.
- I am horny and ask and talk a lot about sex, so we do it before he has a chance to ask for it, making me feel like he never initiates. Although I know other horny girls like this and they are in love and happy.

He said he is who he is, and he has never been MORE sexually into other girls, than he is into me... That he did not more intense of wanting them sexually, in a manner he is not like with me as often...... He is just more laid back, and although he is very horny, he prefers to work on our friendship and spend a lot of time together, and leaves sex for every 2 - 4 days, he prefers quality over qualtity.

I just thought he was not that into me, sexually because I did not get that sense of " wanting to rip my clothes off, totally into a girl" sort of thing... But he has pulled my pants down to give me oral a couple of times, and fingered me when out danving at a club, after more a year together he still sometimes does it to me.... ANd he has given me oral without my asking a few times -- mostly though, I ASK him when I feel like it, because we simply do nto always want sex at rthe same time, or to DO certain sexual things at the same time. Therefore, I have taken to asking him to go down on me mostly. He always enjoys it, even when he is not in the mood.

*sigh* I guess I question things far too much and look into things far too much!@ you know - I just had this idea that if a guy was totally into a girl, he would just rip her clothes off, go down on her, and do it often! I guess some guys have differnt sexual styles.

He should know that he wants me badly, and I should trust him. We are very happy, I guess everyone has their own opinion, and I should just ensure we are both happy, and treat each other well.

[searock]

It sounds like he is very much into you, you have great communication and intimacy. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Also, I don't think that a "if a guy was totally into a girl, he would just rip her clothes off, go down on her, and do it often". I mean, one thing is to be in love, another is to be always turned on to the point of not controlling yourself whenever you're close to that person. That's ok during the first period of a relationship, but it generally wears off in time, it's normal.

I get what you mean about you always taking the initiative though. My boyfriend is kind of similar: because of past experiences, he rarely takes the initiative, unless I make it extra clear to him that I want to have sex (which basically means that I initiate). It's because his ex girlfriend would turn him down *every time* (he went for months with no sex) and now he's conditioned by that. Maybe something analogue happened to your bf?

[smackie9]

When people first get together, the hormones are raging and the sex intensifies (animal sex). As time goes on and they fall in love the sex changes to more intimate, and deeply caring, which is the norm. If you wish to have different types of sex like animal sex, role playing, outdoor sex, watch porn or see strippers together or whatever....you have to communicate that to him as to what you want. This is what couples do when they have been together for while. You have to change or spice things up, but you can't do that unless you tell him what you expect. It's just the way it is.

[HeartIsAching]

So.... I am DYING to hear from men, how they feel about being IN LOVE with a girl, compared to merely loving the girl.... I want to see how it is for mroe people out there,I am nto satisfied with what I know about this topic....

There is nothing "mere" about loving someone. That feeling of being "in love" is mostly attraction and lust. That rush or butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling, is all the same thing... raging hormones. THAT'S mere.

Loving someone isn't about you, it's about them. Love is selfless. For example if someone you're involved with tells you that they can't be with you anymore, if you truly love them, you'll let them go. If they can't be happy with you, you won't want to force them.

[JasonSA]

Thanks for your post

[Me Leigh]

Thanks for your help guys!

I broke it off any ways - for now. Nothing permanant, I just have personal problems to work through. It is unfair to put a person I love through my personal issues, but we will remain close - there is no danger of us going off and hooking up with other people ANY time soon, we are still very much together in every way, in our hearts and minds, and have not accepted we will never be together again, and the break up is indeed FINAL.

We were livng together, together all day every day at one stage when we were not working..... Signs like: he is genuinely miserable when I am sad : he likes to go down onm me, where as he never liked it with women he did nto feel strongly enough about : he often would say " goodnight gorgeous girl" or " my percious girl" or " my beautiful girl" when he is NOT the type of guy who EVER uses those lovey dovey terms with people. Only when the time and the person strongly compelles him to.

Lastly, we seamed to naturally do everything together and got such joy from just being around one another, more than any other person we have perviously met.
He met one great girl before me, but she lived on the other side of the world, so he never got to this stage with her. So, 2 girls in hs life he has felt strongly about.
And he never called her beautiful ( even though she was far more attractive than I am) or any of that sort of thing.


My own insecurity within myself, in addition to what another person told me, just made me question things... but the posters here, and just my own feelings, made me realize what we had was real. I obvously have too many issues personally,. to be able to know and feel true love.. I mustnt think I am worthy enough, and in turn, do not always feel his love.
I HAVE sometimes, though - felt that we were just overcome with such a force together, that it was not questionable, our love.

What to do. I have no friends or work in my town currently. My boyfriend s my best friend ( still by far!) so.... It will be a little lonley, socially speaking, until I get out and meet people. I have yet o really break down and cry yet, but I did wake up today and yesterday and cry - because I alway sspend my days with him, just .. sticking about together .....
the first few days are hard I guess.... you wake up alone.

I do not feel as though it is final, or I would break down.

I think we had something special,. but I need to work on myself first. I have many personal issues, and it is unfair to subject a peson I love, to the rollercoaster of emotions I have. I will not go into my personal problems, but lets justs ay, if you do not totallyl ove yourself and feel worthy of love, it isHARD for another person to love you - I find it hard to feel hs love, and question wheather or not is is true love.


Thanks for your help. I wish it was as easy as " if it were true love, u would KNOW"..... because I DID know, but then I was uncertain, but due to my OWN personal, internal conflict. HOw I feel about myself, I am certain it can hinder me from even feeling true love propely....

[Esther20]

Thanks for your post

[Me Leigh]

So - I am not happy with who I am ( no job right now, no friends in my new town) therefore I take my anger out on him at times, by yelling over stupid things. This, in turn, makes us less close, and he is less interested in getting imtimate, among other symptoms that we are not as close.

our relationship is fine - it is just me. So I will just take time to improve myself, and see him less often whilst I go about it.. so as to not risk yelling at him for no reason.


He acts into me, I just was unsure of what true love felt like and how you know for sure. In general. I know we have felt it before though. It is just weaker now.

[loveagain]

To me, loving someone is how you love a family member, your best friend, your dog or cat.

Being in love is harder to define, but I hate when people try to tell me I'm confusing love and lust. When I am in love with someone I want to be with them. Yes, sexually, but I also just want to spend time with them. They are the first thing on my mind when I go to sleep and when I wake up. I want them to be happy, and their happiness makes me happy (can get little co-dependent at times).