I slept with my best friend and I don't want it to be awkward!

[broken-hearted]

A little background info, sorry if the post gets long.

We've been friends for about 3 years or so, but only really hanging out a lot for the past year and a half or so.
I've kind of always liked him, but I never made a move. He didn't seem interested and I'd rather keep a friendship then possibly screw things up.

The other night we both got really drunk and he asked some guy if he could hook him up and he's like
'you've got a girl here' and he's like no, maybe before but now she's like a sister to me, you wouldn't want anything anyway, would you?
I didn't say anything as I felt weird being in that position.
So later on again he was saying things like 'you wouldn't, would you?' 'you know, you're my friend and I don't ask my friends, it's weird...' but I really want a bj'

So anyway I ended up drunkenly off with him.
I knew what I was getting into, and went with it anyway cause I don't even know why.
I'm so ashamed of myself now, I've never had a one night stand before, or let alone sex out of a relationship. It's so unlike me.
And I can't remember the last time I was drunk, I never do that.
So we kinda got it on, and then left and he said not to tell anyone as no one knows about that side of him.
and the next day he said something like he didn't remember much of what happened last night, but lets keep it between us and never bring it up again.

I feel so horrible but I kind of don't at the same time.
And I finally got to know what it's like with him, but I hate myself for it. And I can't face him now cause I feel weird about it.
We decided (drunkenly) that we'd act like nothing happened.


Well I'll act like nothing happened, or at least try to. I sure hope he can do the same.
He's coming round today to take something before he goes out, I'll see how it goes.

Oh and to complicate things more, a while back some people spread 'rumors' that I liked him.
Well I never told anyone, so they stayed rumors and I told him that they were false (not admitting if I do or don't though) but last night he asked if I liked him all along.
Meaning he was questioning the rumors.
Oh and he did what he could back then to make it clear I'm in the friend zone as he talked about other girls and hooking up to put me off
(he even said that's why he did it)

Advice? What should I do to stop it being awkward, and guys, how is he feeling now?

[Wakeup]

Well, you can't put the toothpaste back into the tube so i suggest that you just don't bring it up and you leave it for him to contact you again. If he never does then you know what kind of "friend" he was. If he does and he asks you for another blow job I suggest you ask him if he'd like to make it official because you're not in the habit of blowing your friends just because you can.

Why did you think your vagina and/or mouth would make things all peachy keen, loving and copacetic with this guy? Now, because you did think that, you find yourself The go to person when he wants to get sucked off. Hopefully, he'll "never speak of it again" or, if he does, you'll be smart enough not to settle to being a **** buddy when you have feelings that require reciprocation in more ways then the ole in-n-out.

Did you learn anything from this or is this just the way it will be with you and your friends you are attracted to who haven't told you that they want a romantic relationship with you but they'll let you blow them though? Hopefully he won't brag about what took place amongst your other friends.

> BTW: He's no "friend" if he'd talk to you that way and then do what he did knowing that you want more then what you just gave. <

[broken-hearted]

Well, you can't put the toothpaste back into the tube so i suggest that you just don't bring it up and you leave it for him to contact you again. If he never does then you know what kind of "friend" he was. If he does and he asks you for another blow job I suggest you ask him if he'd like to make it official because you're not in the habit of blowing your friends just because you can.

<

Well I knew he would, even last night he said we'll talk tomorrow and asked to hang and today he said, if you read my post, just to not talk about it again. Oh and I saw him today briefly, he came by to take something before going out, I gave it to him, he acted normal and cause he couldn't stay he said something like 'you know I have to go cause...' to make it clear he wasn't avoiding me just he had plans and couldn't stick around

Why did you think your vagina and/or mouth would make things all peachy keen, loving and copacetic with this guy? Now, because you did think that, you find yourself The go to person when he wants to get sucked off. Hopefully, he'll "never speak of it again" or, if he does, you'll be smart enough not to settle to being a **** buddy when you have feelings that require reciprocation in more ways then the ole in-n-out.

<

Like I said earlier, if you even read my post, I was not expecting things to be loving. I knew what he wanted and knew full well what I was getting into and at that moment, didn't seem to mind as I didn't care how I had him. Obviously if I was sober, I would have acted differently. Like the last time he was drunk and contacted me, the next day while sober he realized what things he said to me and regretted them and said he was embarrassed of himself.
And no, he's not making me the get-go person, he's too embarrassed of what happened, I'm like a sister to him and he can't believe it happened. That's why he said to never speak of it again because it's beyond him why it happened.

Did you learn anything from this or is this just the way it will be with you and your friends you are attracted to who haven't told you that they want a romantic relationship with you but they'll let you blow them though? Hopefully he won't brag about what took place amongst your other friends.
<

No, it wont be like this with other people as I've never been attracted to someone the way I was with him, it came to a point that I wanted him so much that I didn't care how (sadly, and I don't like admitting this, I don't know why he makes me feel that way, I don't want to be that way, but I can't help how he makes me feel)
and no, he wont brag, he's to embarrassed and he told me not to tell anyone, and no one even knows about him and other girls, I'm the only one he tells things to cause we're best friends. And I know it's true cause one of his buddies asked me once while out with him and his friend with benefits, if they were together or what (I guess the way they talked and acted hinted) and I realized he didn't know about it.

> BTW: He's no "friend" if he'd talk to you that way and then do what he did knowing that you want more then what you just gave. <

He didn't know I wanted more, well not for certain anyway, he just asked last night when I said I don't know if I'd want anything, then he realized I did but didn't want to say it and then was like, did you like me all along but I didn't say anything. So it doesn't mean anything, at least I hope not. He was too drunk to remember much of what happened anyway. Besides, he said he only wanted a hook up, he made it clear and since I went for it...


I feel really disgusted now talking about this. I can't talk to my other friends, for one, I don't want to say what happened. And secondly most of my friends are totally cool with things like that so they wouldn't understand how I feel. The only person that knows is my (other) best friend, but that's cause I tell him everything. And he was like, why should you feel bad, you wanted him didn't you? And if guys get to brag about girls they've been with and treat them like trophies, then so should you. Don't you believe in equality?

[Wakeup]

Well I knew he would, even last night he said we'll talk tomorrow and asked to hang and today he said, if you read my post, just to not talk about it again. Oh and I saw him today briefly, he came by to take something before going out, I gave it to him, he acted normal and cause he couldn't stay he said something like 'you know I have to go cause...' to make it clear he wasn't avoiding me just he had plans and couldn't stick around


Like I said earlier, if you even read my post, I was not expecting things to be loving. I knew what he wanted and knew full well what I was getting into and at that moment, didn't seem to mind as I didn't care how I had him. Obviously if I was sober, I would have acted differently. Like the last time he was drunk and contacted me, the next day while sober he realized what things he said to me and regretted them and said he was embarrassed of himself.
And no, he's not making me the get-go person, he's too embarrassed of what happened, I'm like a sister to him and he can't believe it happened. That's why he said to never speak of it again because it's beyond him why it happened.

No, it wont be like this with other people as I've never been attracted to someone the way I was with him, it came to a point that I wanted him so much that I didn't care how (sadly, and I don't like admitting this, I don't know why he makes me feel that way, I don't want to be that way, but I can't help how he makes me feel)
and no, he wont brag, he's to embarrassed and he told me not to tell anyone, and no one even knows about him and other girls, I'm the only one he tells things to cause we're best friends. And I know it's true cause one of his buddies asked me once while out with him and his friend with benefits, if they were together or what (I guess the way they talked and acted hinted) and I realized he didn't know about it.




He didn't know I wanted more, well not for certain anyway, he just asked last night when I said I don't know if I'd want anything, then he realized I did but didn't want to say it and then was like, did you like me all along but I didn't say anything. So it doesn't mean anything, at least I hope not. He was too drunk to remember much of what happened anyway. Besides, he said he only wanted a hook up, he made it clear and since I went for it...


I feel really disgusted now talking about this. I can't talk to my other friends, for one, I don't want to say what happened. And secondly most of my friends are totally cool with things like that so they wouldn't understand how I feel. The only person that knows is my (other) best friend, but that's cause I tell him everything. And he was like, why should you feel bad, you wanted him didn't you? And if guys get to brag about girls they've been with and treat them like trophies, then so should you. Don't you believe in equality?

Have you ever heard of a thing called a "Double Standard" well, if you havent' I suggest you google it and educate yourself about so called sexual equality. So far, it doesn't exist in the minds of most men out there. Oh, they'll do you, no problem but then they will never look at you again with the same respect. They think if you'd do it with them, without strings then you'd do it with anyone. That of course, doesn't make them feel very special if you give out at the drop of the offer of giving someone a blow job.

It's water under the bridge so try and forget about it because the awkwardness will just blow out of purportion if you let it. I'd say that you've forever changed the dynamic of your relationship though because that pink elephant is always going to be in the room with you two. You'll both be getting drunk on purpose just so you'l have another excuse to shag, using your drunkeness as an excuse to lose your own self respect. This isn't about equality. You don't believe in sexual equality anymore then most guys do.. If you did, this post wouldn't exist and you'ld not feel the least bit awkward about what you did.

Learn from this so that you don't keep doing it and your sense of what is right and wrong doesn't get blurred and then eventually forgotten andyou find yourself in a perpetual fk buddy dynamic even when you know you want more than just that.

[broken-hearted]

Umm, I'm not the one who said there should be equality, my other friend did. I have no intentions of drinking again, I did not want this situation, and I don't want it again. And I'm sure he knows I wouldn't do just anyone, we've been friends for a while and he's seen guys hit on me all the time and he knows I've been turning down guys cause I'm not interested and I'm not that type of girl, I just hope how he doesn't have second thoughts about that.

[Wakeup]

Umm, I'm not the one who said there should be equality, my other friend did. I have no intentions of drinking again, I did not want this situation, and I don't want it again. And I'm sure he knows I wouldn't do just anyone, we've been friends for a while and he's seen guys hit on me all the time and he knows I've been turning down guys cause I'm not interested and I'm not that type of girl, I just hope how he doesn't have second thoughts about that.

Uhm.. well you must have given it some credence or else you wouldn't have mentioned it. I'd say it gives you an "out" from your guilt... BtW.. I doubt a female friend would just tell you to forget it, that if men can do that sort of thing then so should you be able to without guilt. Perhaps you should learn to trust your female friends as much as you do your male ones so that you can get a female perspective once in a while. Men and women think differently and you're getting a lot of view points from men.. that's bound to confuse someone who is inexperienced, naive or vulnerable.

Once again opposite sex friendship running amok.

Forgive yourself and as I said, learn from this. If you truly are "best" friends then you'll not feel awkward. If you mean what you say then you'll not get possessive/jealous when he is sexual with other women either... you agreed to no strings the minute you did him without commitment or mutual loving feelings.

Tell us, what will you tell Him if he proposes you do this again?

[broken-hearted]

Uhm.. well you must have given it some credence or else you wouldn't have mentioned it. I'd say it gives you an "out" from your guilt... BtW.. I doubt a female friend would just tell you to forget it, that if men can do that sort of thing then so should you be able to without guilt. Perhaps you should learn to trust your female friends as much as you do your male ones so that you can get a female perspective once in a while. Men and women think differently and you're getting a lot of view points from men.. that's bound to confuse someone who is inexperienced, naive or vulnerable.

Once again opposite sex friendship running amok.

Forgive yourself and as I said, learn from this. If you truly are "best" friends then you'll not feel awkward. If you mean what you say then you'll not get possessive/jealous when he is sexual with other women either... you agreed to no strings the minute you did him without commitment or mutual loving feelings.

Tell us, what will you tell Him if he proposes you do this again?

I suppose that's how I feel, making excuses and giving myself outs from my guilt.
And my friend was male. I don't really have a lot of female friends, I find it hard to connect with the girls here. I've been friends with him for 6 years now, nothing funny.
But wasn't into him and neither was he into me, so that's at least one good thing.
And no, I wont get jealous, he can do whatever he wants, I really don't care. If you truly like someone and want to see them happy, doesn't that include in other relationships too?
So yeah, if that's what makes him happy, then great!

As for what I'll tell him? Well if he talks to me drunk again and asks for favors, I'll make it clear that I have respect for my body and have learned to have boundaries and that I don't want our friendship to go in that direction.
I'd also tell him that the only reason it happened was cause I was drunk and well... horny (gah) and that I didn't mean for it to happen.
And I know he'll regret anything the next day if it were to happen again.
And I'd be sure that if it wasn't in a message, to send him one about boundaries so when he wakes up and doesn't remember what happened, he'll realize that he tried something again and I told him no cause I'm not like that.

[broken-hearted]

In case anyone's curious, we talked about it and he asked why *I* let it happen. Me? Well I told him I was as drunk as he was (though I think that's slightly off from the truth) but anyway...

We talked a bit, he said he felt disturbed, and he can't believe he did something like that as he'd never see me in that way and he's so confused. And was even more shocked when I was telling him the things he was saying to me that night.

And then being a typical guy that he is, asked if it was at least good. God, men and their egos!!! hahaha

We talked, it's out of the way and now things are (hopefully) back to normal.

[vashti]

I think you should get some girl friends and quit pretending all these guys are your buddies. Unless you are so unattractive you should be wearing a bag on your head, they ALL want to have sex with you, so this scenario (or something equivalent) is likely to occur again.

[broken-hearted]

First off, the guy has been friends with me for 3 years, we hang every weekend and talk every day, we tell each other our shit so I do feel like it means something to him. Our friendship that is.
My other friend, we've been friends for 6 years, and we're even closer, we live together, but nothing ever happened.

I'm not unattractive, I can get guys if I like, I just don't like any of the guys that like me and I'm not interested in anything right now, would rather pursue my studies over guys.

I do have few girls as friends, but they're not nearly as fun as guys, they're not into video games, sports, outdoors activities, (you get where I'm going...) all they want to do is talk about hair/makeup/guys and sit in coffee shops. With my guy friends on the other hand I have stuff in common with them and can have intelligent conversation with as they're not consumed by such things, and I like to goof around sometimes and be silly with them. You might think it's childish, but it's fun for me once in a while.

[Wakeup]

Well then I guess your friends will even **** a girl that is considered "one of the guys." No offence by that but there's been a couple of threads going around in here about whether or not opposite sex friends are actually equally platonic. Personally I think that just because a guy friend hasn't done you, it doesn't mean he wouldn't and he certainly doesn't have to be feeling ya to go there.. ya know? I also think that women don't "think" like that about the male "platonic" friends but they do get liking them when the guy likes to confess his life foibles with them and share what he normally would with a romantic partner. Go figure.

[vashti]

I do have few girls as friends, but they're not nearly as fun as guys, they're not into video games, sports, outdoors activities, (you get where I'm going...) all they want to do is talk about hair/makeup/guys and sit in coffee shops.

THis is such a cliche. I know tons of women who are nothing at all like this. You must not be looking very hard, and probably because you LIKE the attention you are getting from the boys..

[searock]

THis is such a cliche. I know tons of women who are nothing at all like this.

I agree, it's definitely a cliché. OP, you aren't as unique and strange as you think :-).

[cast no shadow]

Well, there are many girls who find guy-friends much easier, so do I.
I do have many girl-friends, much more than guys, but it's really easier to talk to guys.
And no, non of my guy-friends wants to sleep with me, the "every guy who is your friends want to sleep with you" is nonsense.

About the original post - Well, stuff do happen once your drunk, but usually stuff that you wanted but had "boundaries" that prevented you to do so
(think about people who can only dance when they're drunk). So, of course, you wanted it, but so did he. It might be that he wanted sex for a long
time and just was scared to ruined your friendship, but maybe he wanted more and is now just scared to say.

[vashti]

Well, there are many girls who find guy-friends much easier, so do I.
I do have many girl-friends, much more than guys, but it's really easier to talk to guys.

Of course they are easier! That's because you can always fall back on your sexuality/flirting when your personality is lacking.

And no, non of my guy-friends wants to sleep with me, the "every guy who is your friends want to sleep with you" is nonsense.

yes, they do, or you are indescribably ugly.