Stick or Twist? Dating A Single Social Mum! OPINIONS PLEASE!

[joe_bloggs]

First post, sorry if this is long winded but this is mighty important and anyone commenting needs to know the facts.

The Get Together: Meet SARAH (7 years ago) at work, when she arrived I was in a relationship with another work colleague, that relationship lasted 8 years then I decided enough was enough, the girl had become a Work Wife & I never saw her outside of those 4 walls. It ended.
SARAH and the other girls in the office we supportive and we spoke frequently of the why's, when's & who's etc.
Was single for 6 months when SARAH (a single mum to a 6 year old girl) decided to leave the company and on her last day I asked her out, she said she'd been wanting to ask me for ages but was too scared. RESULT!

The Situation: We went on a couple of dates that went well (at least she said they did?), I meet her Daughter, and we started to see each other once a week, going for meals or meeting at her house. She was hurt before and asked to take things slow so we did, we got to know each other more and time passed.
I've always had issues with the frequency at which I get to see her, she's always 'busy' but for saying the daughter is in bed by 8pm every week night that not possible but hey I really like this girl so went with it, let her set the pace.
I meet her mum, our old work colleagues (I left not long after felt getting the EX out of the way would help this new relationship flurish) found out and were chuffed for us both, all wondering what took so long clearly they'd seen something previously I had not.
We each had birthdays, got through Christmas and Valentines but still it didn't sit right only spending a couple of hours a week with her, and 'I promise' you she's wasn't using me for gifts or anything physical. Getting Physical is kind of a problem when you've only got 1 hour after Coronation Street, and usually theres a headache, although we've had food poisoning, strained wrist, colds, daughter playing up etc etc, she's always tired and she gotta be up early next morning for work and school run (you're getting the picture)

I only get her to myself for a couple of hours one night a week and as my fondness turned to something more after 6 months I expressed my frustration with the situation (Mistake? time will tell).
So one night we sat and I talked she listened, i explained (and it might sound corny to you guys) I was looking for my happily ever after, that she and her daughter both made me very happy (and I' sure she feels the same from the look in her eyes when we talk),
that she was everything I wanted and more, I understood and accepted daughter is number 1, but if this was going anywhere I need more of her.
She expressed that she didn't think she could give me what I wanted. She was just too busy seeing Friends & Family to make more time for me, and if we lived together would I expect her to be there all the while waiting for me. Well clearly at that I felt really special, I don't expect her to be there, I'd like her to want to be there sometimes etc, but I wasn't going down without a fight, I told her you can make time if you want you maybe just need to be a little creative, I left and invited her to my place for Sunday lunch.
Since that conversation we've only missed dinner on a Sunday twice, an improvement for sure, but this is 'family type time' not 'couple time'. BUT everytime I say lets hang out Saturday night she's busy and says lets do lunch, on our mid-week meeting last Bank Holiday I suggested hanging out on either Sat or Sun night with a bottle of wine and a DVD, even text her on the Saturday asked to see her one night (as no early morning school run etc) in the text it even said 'lets see if we can get up to some mischieve', take that as you want I'm not going to force anything, instead I got Sunday lunch at a pub, Sat night (she played online games) Sun night (she watched TV with mum), really busy!

SO IN SUMMARY (coming upto 10 months now):
60% of time spent is dinner dates
40% of time spent is TV Soap Night Dates (I hate soaps)
85% of time includes the Daughter
4 nights out in total WITHOUT Child (2 in the first week of dating)
When she gets a Babysitter she goes out with Friends
Friday & Saturday Nights appears to be Mother/Daughter Nights
NO chance of anything more than a Kiss, Cuddle and the occassional wandering hand

AM I BEING USED?
Crossed my mind once or twice, you know gets her family and friends off her back for not dating, maybe if/when this ends it buys her a few more years of silence.
BUT honestly shhe doesn't strike me as that type of person, I feel bad that it even crossed my mind, but hey when you think about someone 24/7 and see them for about 6hours a week, the minds gonna do some strange things.

Is she scared to let me in? for fear of getting hurt
Why let me get involved with the Daughter? if it ends surely she'll get hurt too!

I'll put it out there I am nuts about this girl and truthfully have been for a long time, I only have to think of her smile and it brightens the darkest day, but worse than that I've taken to her daughter, we laugh, joke, play games etc etc, I really could imaginea future there, it really is perfect, there's just not enough of it!

I'm 30 now and times a ticking for me, I always wanted the white picket fence and 2.4 children etc. I'm kinda on the clock.

Do I 'Stick' or 'Twist'?
All comments appreciated postive and negative, after all everyones entitled to their own opinion

[Boisdevie]

10 months and no sex? This is a relationship with big problems because you're not exactly lilywhite virgins are you. So why no sex? My ex GF had two kids aged 8 and 4 when we met. We had sex pretty quick because we were grown ups and we WANTED to have sex. Sounds like your GF isn't remotely bothered about sex. Time to find the door marked 'Exit'

[Wakeup]

You're her girlfriend with dangly bits. I'm a woman and your relationship with this women sounds no different then the relationship I have with my best female friends.

It's interesting that you've found yourself so hung up on a girl that appears so indifferent to you (or that's how you've painted it IMO). Is this like a "treat him mean and keep him keen" kinda thing? I suppose if she was all over you like white on rice you'd be trying to run away from her.

For the life of me I don't know how she can go that long without wanting to rip off your clothes and have her way with you??? Bottomline you're not happy with the status quo so why not sit down with her and tell her what you'd like to see happening and can she deliver. If she doesn't think she can, well then you have a decision to make. I think you're with a woman that doesn't like sex much or, she does but just not all that much with you.

[joe_bloggs]

You're her girlfriend with dangly bits.
Is this like a "treat him mean and keep him keen" kinda thing? I suppose if she was all over you like white on rice you'd be trying to run away from her.
Why not sit down with her and tell her what you'd like to see happening and can she deliver. If she doesn't think she can, well then you have a decision to make.

Cheers for that, its interesting to get other peoples opinions, everyone I know has just told me to stick it out she's worth it, she moved to this town with her childs father to start a family etc and while pregnant he cheated on her, left & has never been seen since.
I've kinda let things be as everyone says its a trust thing, shes been on her own a long while etc.
As you know neither of us there is no bias in your comments and I think this is what I really need to hear & more so from a female perspective. We've had a talk about putting in time, but as at that point I really didn't want to be seen to be demanding much more, but to be fair I think your right, spell out my position and then she what her response is

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Well, my first inclination after reading this is that you're gay. Who the **** has TV soap night dates?

Invite her to your house for dinner, and don't agree to any other dates except that. If she doesn't agree to a dinner date, and doesn't give it up, stop talking to her altogether..unless you really are gay and just want to put up a front.

[Jason250]

much appreciated

[pandapete]

agree with backup, dont take no for an answer. if she wanted to spend quality time with you mate, she'd compromise and make that time. right now there's no compromise on her part. you've been patient long enough.

[Wakeup]

Cheers for that, its interesting to get other peoples opinions, everyone I know has just told me to stick it out she's worth it, she moved to this town with her childs father to start a family etc and while pregnant he cheated on her, left & has never been seen since.
I've kinda let things be as everyone says its a trust thing, shes been on her own a long while etc.
As you know neither of us there is no bias in your comments and I think this is what I really need to hear & more so from a female perspective. We've had a talk about putting in time, but as at that point I really didn't want to be seen to be demanding much more, but to be fair I think your right, spell out my position and then she what her response is

Let us know how it goes, Joe. I'm interested in what she has to say.

[Jason250]

Let us know how it goes, Joe. I'm interested in what she has to say.