Shy girl won't express her feelings

[loss4words]

Hi everybody,

I am a dating a very shy Chinese girl for about a month and I really like her. She is ok looking, but has an amazing to me personality and we share a lot in common. She knows that I really like her but won't open up or be honest with me about her feelings and this makes me so depressed. She also told me that she wants to take it slow in our relationship and we haven't done anything physical together other than me kissing her on a cheek at the end of the date, holding her hand, etc. I can't stop thinking about her and I miss her all the time, but I'm not sure if it's just a crush or something more. Can you guys give me any advice? I have trouble concentrating at work because she's always on my mind..actually typing this at work

Thanks!

[smackie9]

She is how she is. You may have some things in common but not on the curcial things like physical affection and expression of feelings. You are getting to way ahead of her with your expectations, now it's having it's affect and the relationship is out of balance.

You can do one of two things, end the relationship or have a lot of patience and wait till she catches up.

[smackie9]

To add you must be careful of your daydreams of her. Poeple who daydream tend to add fantasy to the person they admire and make them into something they are not.


And something else...when soomeone makes them less available, they become more desirable...this could be you issue as well. Keep busy with other things and don't let her become your whole world....that will spell disaster.

[loss4words]

Thank you, smackie9. This is a good advice.

We didn't go out this past week because she had a lot of exams to study for, and this week she's busy with something else so we won't go out this weekend as well. She said she'd be free to go out next week. If I don't ask her out next week and wait until the last week of May would that make me more desirable in her eyes or will I just make it worst?

Sorry if this is a stupid question

[loss4words]

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that I'm not sure if she actually likes me and wants to get to know me better, or if she just wants to be friends/using me until someone better comes along.

[Jason2]

much appreciated

[smackie9]

Well I don't know her and the only way to actually gauge this is look at what her past relationships were like or if she had any, her background, strict up bringing etc.

Sometimes parents don't like their children dating outside their race, so this could be the reason for being reserved.

What about your experience? You have any long term relationships? Physical ones?

[Malind1]

support

[loss4words]

Well I don't know her and the only way to actually gauge this is look at what her past relationships were like or if she had any, her background, strict up bringing etc.

Sometimes parents don't like their children dating outside their race, so this could be the reason for being reserved.

What about your experience? You have any long term relationships? Physical ones?

Hi smackie9,

I don't think she has been in a relationship before or if she has than not many. I have never been in a serious relationship either. I think this is new for both of us but she seems to have a better handle on how a relationship works, and keeps a lot of things to herself while I just say what's on my mind and feel that I tell her too much. After our second date, which I thought went really well and we both had a lot of fun, I tried to kiss her on the lips but she turned her cheek instead and I couldn't make out what that means. On our third date I just kissed her on the cheek.

She was raised in China but recently came to US and plans to stay here. She explained to me that in China a girl can see (date) multiple guys at the same time but once she chooses the one who she likes the most she would stay with him until the end (or at least that's how she was brought up).

[smackie9]

OK now listen to what she has said to you. She is just dating and it is not serious. You want serious, then you have a decision to make. Put up with just being someone she is casually dating, take your chances and be unhappy, or try to meet someone new that will be on the same page.

[mwahahaha]

In china, if you have more than 2 children, they chop off your left bollock. Proceed with caution is my advice.

[loss4words]

OK now listen to what she has said to you. She is just dating and it is not serious. You want serious, then you have a decision to make. Put up with just being someone she is casually dating, take your chances and be unhappy, or try to meet someone new that will be on the same page.

Thank you. I didn't think of it this way and just thought she needs time to get used to me/be more comfortable with me. I also don't think she's seeing anyone else right now. To me she's totally worth waiting for and I really enjoy her company, so I think I should take my chances and try to patient for as long as possible.