should i stay and trust in his love and forgive him....

[sugabell]

Hey there...,i dont really know how to start i never shared my problems feelings with other people than my family or friends but right now i am at a point where i cant talk to my family or i have alot of friends to talk to and i really do need some help,advice and comforting good words.


I just moved to the States i met my husband in Germany or lets say over a internet site while he was deployed.That time i met him he was still married but she left him while he was deployed but he was still hoping they will get back together.So me and Him started talking just as friends i was there for him to listen to him when he was upset cause of the situation he went through.I always liked him more but i respected that he was married and tryed to help him as good as i can.Well somewhere along thousands of phone calls talkin everyday and night i guess he started to think about me different than just a friend.

His wife didnt wanted to get back with him and he started to realize that his marriage was over.The day the troops came back from deployment i was there to welcome him and since then we have been together and now last month we got married(he came back in October and we got married in April)between all the time she realized her mistake and saw that without him life is much harder now she had to start working again gettin a own apartment and so on...and tryed to get him back...even wrote me bad messages talkin bout he just used me while he was deployed to have someone to talk to and that she is back now and gonna take over again.Well she didnt take over he stayed with me.

Now 3 weeks before we got married he wrote her a message about their divorce papers and in this message he did write her that he is still in love with her and that he cant get her outa his mind...i saw this message on Sunday...BAM!right in my face this just broke my heart right now i do not know what to do or to think im just so hurt.I understand that when u are with somebody and got married to that person u still have some love for them even when ur seperated and ur relationship or marriage didnt work out.But even if he did still have feelings for her i think he should have kept it to himself...

ofcourse i confronted him with the message and asked him whats goin on with this....he said it was just to make her feel bad and get her back for what she did to him...To me that is a bad excuse and makes no sense..she belived that he is still in love with her or was...now she found out he married again she send him a message talkin bout i dont regret we divorced and i knew u never really loved me..he said this was his intention to happen...

.i dont belive it...im questioning his love to me right now real bad...and i dont understand how he could do that to me...3 weeks before we got married....maybe it is the factor that we just havent been together that long for us to build a real strong love...they have been together for like 3 years...i think his love for her will fade away but will his love if he even really loves me grow with time???Does love grow with time?He tells me everyday how much he loves me and that he depends on me and that im the best that could ever happen to him and that he is really sorry for what he did and that his feelings for her are gone and that what he wrote was just half the truth...
Right now at this moment i dont know what to do im so heartbroken i feel like my trust for his love is gone i cry out my eyes everyday i also thought about goin back to Germany and leave him...what i really dont wanna do cause i love him with all my heart...

im sorry i wrote so much i hope i will get some helpfull advice of what to do and how to keep on goin i really apriceate all the help i can get...

much love Bella

[Lobsterpinch]

I'm not sure why you are getting married when he is still finalizing his divorce papers and you have only been together officially for 6 months (Oct-Apr). It's obvious to me that he still has feelings for her since he said he wanted "to make her feel bad". If he had no feelings left, he would be indifferent and would treat her like any other acquaintance. I think you should have an honest talk with him and find out:
1. What are his remaining feelings for his ex and how this will affect your relationship?
2. What are his feelings for you and if this is a good time to go and get married?

I don't think that he has cheated on you so you should give him the benefit of the doubt if you love him and work through your issues. Communication is key here because you don't want any secrets or lingering feelings from him once you are married.

[Jason2]

Now that you love him is brave and he together to you still have the feeling he

[Jolicoeur]

Hey Bella,


You are right that he could still have feelings for his ex. And it is kind of you to accept that. Whether he has or not, there is nothing he can do about it. And him admitting it would not make it easier, neither to you nor to himself.

What he can do, however, is stop talking to her. You can ask him to promise you that. Maybe he should send her a last email stating that he does not want to talk to her again and then act on it.

He tells you he loves you and he acts accordingly. He commits no faults here. Don't second guess him. Don't blame him for something he can't help. Give him the benefit of the doubt and live a happy life.


Mach's gut!

[Jason250]

If love him and his together