Feeling lost - who am I?

[bluesky1985]

Hi there

Wondering if anyone feels the same as me?

I've just come out out of a seven year relationship and am feeling lost - don't know who I am (as a single person), where I want to be (staying in the same city as ex is not appealing), what I want to do (job is under threat of redundancy and don't like it anyway) and whether I am putting too much pressure on myself to have the answers?!

I have started cognitive behaviour therapy to try and change my thinking and deal with my emotions in a better way but still wallowing in self doubt, pity etc

I'm pretty scared of the future, my friends and family say I should embrace it, which I know is true but it seems so daunting!

[dunnowhy]

Hi,
your friends and family are absolutely right.I'm currently in a relationship but still wonder-who am i?(My boyfriend is a super talented guy and i feel like I'm living under his shadow)
My suggestion to you is, take this self realization slow.Don't overwhelm yourself and panic.Rediscover yourself by spending time doing your favorite hobbies,see if you like something new.It will give you the courage and motivation you need.It will make you more comfortable with yourself,opens your mind and relieves you(this might sound like from some philosophy book,but it really does help)Art and books work for me,you could try that too.
And stay away from romantic movies!
good luck bluesky

[bluesky1985]

Thanks for the advice dunnowhy

You're right, I can't rush this process and I am keen to do some new creative hobbies. I normally love to read and haven't picked up a book in six months and have always wanted to try something more creative, I attended a sewing workshop a few months ago and I enjoyed that so think I should branch out a bit!

Will definitely stay away from romantic movies - The Notebook is locked away!

[haxan]

You're still very young, and sound like a really nice girl. You don't have anything or anyone tying you down, you can make what you want of your life.

Meeting a great guy who impresses you won't be any problem. (Sorry, just want to make you smile, and it's not too romantic of a movie)

[bluesky1985]

haha thanks haxan, that did make me smile I guess I'm just afraid of making mistakes, but that's what life is about and I can't be fearful forever

Also makes me think of Napoleon Dynamite - Girls like guys with skills, that's SO true.

[Adisa]

I am going to give you some advice that may seem pretty cliche, and it will definitely feel like one of those "easier said than done" types of situations. But here goes...

1) Who/what do you want to be in life?
2) What steps do you need to take to fulfill that vision?
3) Write out those steps and focus on them unwaiveringly. Commit to them, one at a time, if need be. Don't allow your feelings or anyone else's opinion to get in the way.

The difference between dreaming greatness and living it is action. ACT to get what you want out of life. No doubt. No fear. Begin today

Good luck!

Adisa

Hi there

Wondering if anyone feels the same as me?

I've just come out out of a seven year relationship and am feeling lost - don't know who I am (as a single person), where I want to be (staying in the same city as ex is not appealing), what I want to do (job is under threat of redundancy and don't like it anyway) and whether I am putting too much pressure on myself to have the answers?!

I have started cognitive behaviour therapy to try and change my thinking and deal with my emotions in a better way but still wallowing in self doubt, pity etc

I'm pretty scared of the future, my friends and family say I should embrace it, which I know is true but it seems so daunting!

[Jason2]

Thanks for your post

[bluesky1985]

Thanks Adisa - I've found that if I tackle things one at a time and break them down them I'm not too overwhelmed.

I think that by writing out a list and looking at things realistically will definitely help, great advice

I am going to give you some advice that may seem pretty cliche, and it will definitely feel like one of those "easier said than done" types of situations. But here goes...

1) Who/what do you want to be in life?
2) What steps do you need to take to fulfill that vision?
3) Write out those steps and focus on them unwaiveringly. Commit to them, one at a time, if need be. Don't allow your feelings or anyone else's opinion to get in the way.

The difference between dreaming greatness and living it is action. ACT to get what you want out of life. No doubt. No fear. Begin today

Good luck!

Adisa

[haxan]

It takes time to wriggle out of the shell of a 7 yr relationship. Just keep moving forward day by day. It sounds like you're doing well :-)

[bluesky1985]

Cheers H, I am trying - it's really hard, but one day at a time

[prettygirl]

Oh dear you sound so miserable.

[cheekxs]

i think if you have to ask yourself that after a relationship. it wasnt a healthy one for shore.

and maybe u have to give it time. start little by little.

try to remember how you was before the relationship and how you was as a teen /kid.
what did you like and wanted to be.etc.? what did make you happy ?
your family can help you also. cause they know you and what you liked always.

Start finding back and do the one thing u like to do in your free time.
is it:music, singing, reading, fishing, art? etc.
Thats the most fun and relaxing way to start finding yourself.

And start planning your days, with useful stuff, dont sit all day looking around or think about your ex.

[imless]

It is not easy really to get over for seven year relationship, but in your case, you don't who you are and what you wan to do. Maybe it's a critical effect of the break up. You're not over I guess. Maybe I suggest you to divert your attention to other fields, have fun!