Girlfriend wants to break up...maybe??? Urgent advice needed!

[Cbul]

I've been dating this girl for a couple of months. We started rocky; we were just lovers, but I ended up wanting something deeper. She didn't at first, and this rocked us for a couple of weeks. Then we go on a trip with a group, and she has some sort of wake-up moment and comes back as my girlfriend.

Now we've "official" for about a month, and today she hits me with the breakup talk, right before we're about to have a two-day mini vacation together (I have to house sit for my parents and they were going to pay for us to have fun in Atlanta while we are there). I became very sad and asked her several times for a reason, though I can at least say I was dignified enough not to beg her to keep me. I just wanted to know why, and she couldn't give me anything.

I went through the list; did she think I was physically attractive, did she like my personality, my ambitions, my intelligence, and did she enjoy spending time with me? Her answer to all of these was yes, so I really wanted to know what the problem was, and I mentioned that I couldn't believe she decided to do this within hours of our trip.

She then insisted that she go with me anyway, and since I don't want to be in my parents' creepy house in the middle of the woods alone with alcohol, I agreed. Then she decided she wants to give us a couple more weeks because she's not ready to lose my companionship.

I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS and in fact I asked several times if she was sure she wanted to do that. I told her that if we date for a couple more weeks to see where things go I expect her to be my girlfriend (e.g. holding hands, kissing in public, and even having sex). She agreed to all of this, and even seemed happy about the intimacy, which threw me off because if she's over me why would she be looking forward to PDA and sex?

I've decided I would like her company for this trip, but should I allow this 2-week grace period to happen? I don't see how I could be much better to her, I treat her like a princess. It seems like she's trying to make this work (how over me could she be if she's not only willing but seemingly eager to have sex with me?), but I don't know what if anything would change her attitude. Sometimes I think that she's just absolutely terrified of commitment; her last boyfriend only came to see her for one weekend each month. She sees me pretty much every day.

Of course nothing would make me happier than to have her realize that she's making a huge mistake, but I don't know what would trigger that. Maybe showing her a great time over the next couple of days?

If you guys have advice, I would really appreciate it.

-A

[TeeJay19]

This all seems pretty ridiculous. If you've been as a good a guy as you claim to have been then I don't think there's any way you can win her back during these two weeks. If anything it's just going to make it harder when she inevitably dumps you. Wouldn't you'd rather be with someone who's as crazy about you as you are about her, not someone who's on the fence and basically gibing you a trial run? Do yourself a favour and end it now, no reason to prolong the inevitable.

[Jason2]

well down

[kim_winky]

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Kimmy

[Adisa]

Cbul, what you are describing seems to be a situation between two people based on convenience, rather than a relationship with any foundation of mutual respect which is based on or which could lead to true love. Of course, the big thing that is missing from this scenario is the other party's point of view. However, from what you have written, you provide some clues as to how she might be feeling in this situation: like a tool to make you happy. From what you have described, your perspective is that this breakup is all about you. Even the "relationship" is about you and making you happy.

You sound pretty young, sweetheart. My recommendation would be that you let this one go and learn from the situation. Women need to be treated like partners in a relationship. Women contribute. Women have needs and desires. I am not hearing from you that your girlfriend was considered in any way other than the manner in which she could be used to make you happy. BUT. Let's say that I am wrong. Let's say that the limitations of the internet have gotten in the way and you just were not able to express yourself fully. Then, these would be my recommendations:

1) Approach your girlfriend in an emotionally balanced state. Begging can often be seen as a manipulative tactic. Be a man and be strong enough to own your emotions and to communicate them to her.
2) Tell your girlfriend how you feel about her - NOT what you want from her or how she owes you anything, etc. No blame games. No demands or expectations. Simply tell her how you feel about her. If you do not know, then stop here and walk away.
3) Express to your girlfriend that you want the relationship to work. Ask her what she thinks it would take to make the relationship to work and whether or not she is interested in working on it with you.
4) If you are willing and able to contribute to the relationship in the way that she desires, then communicate that. If not, you should be walking away.
5) She should then be willing to listen as you explain what you feel it would take to make the relationship work. Note: It is early in the relationship. If sex is any sort of demand or expectation in such a new and troubled relationship, I would recommend that you both walk away now.

The main issues are that 1) There is not enough communication and 2) The needs of both parties need to be met in relationships. Some things that you wrote really stand out to me as troubling. You sound like a good guy, but I do question your maturity. Real love takes time and openness. You need to be willing and able to communicate your feelings and to listen to your partner.

I hope these things help...

Adisa