Virgin till marriage, what about in between?

[jcorntassel]

Okay so I come from a strong Christian family. Through my own choices and beliefs I've decided I want to save it until I am married (I won't go into my reasons).
But yeah for now the furthest I'll probably go is to just make out and stuff (boring I know). I have been feeling lately that I would appreciate having someone I can talk to and be affectionate with and so wouldn't mind having a girlfriend.

I have been thinking though, that most people these days want a bit more excitement than that, and that if I got into a relationship, the girl most likely wouldn't
share my ideals, and either of the following will happen:

• She gets bored, and we have an awkward break up within a few months/weeks
• She gets bored, says nothing, and starts screwing dudes behind my back
• Relationship simmers down into a friendship
• I cave and end up getting a sweet blowjob

So should I:

• Not bother with any girls until I'm ready to get married and then only worry about girls unless I'd consider them for that (this will be tough and boring, it
  would mean waiting until I finish my 5 year degree and have saved enough for a house)
• Try anyway but tell her my intentions (early on or when the time comes? Could result in humiliating breakup, or strain on relationship if she holds out for me)
• Just hang out with girls every couple weeks and keeping things playful (would look sleazy, wouldn't be able to connect or trust them enough to talk about
  anything serious with them, probably more expensive too)
• Not actively pursue any girls, and just see if any come to me (This is what I've been doing so far, I'm shy. Once again this is boring, might make girls hornier if I seem hard to get :\)
• Cave and end up getting a sweet blowjob (jks)

So yeah those are the options I've thought of. If I was in a relationship I'd want the girl to be a virgin too, but I wouldn't really care if I had no intentions of
getting serious. What do I do?

[surfhb]

I say go for the BJs!

Honestly though, you're opinions of women and relationships seems askew. Have you ever been in one? Go to church and bible study and date people who share your values. Why do you think somone who goes to church wouldn't share your values?

You're living in you're own world my friend. Time to break out of this bubble you live in because your ideas on how interpersonal relationships is out of whack

Seriously Bro.....you can't even get a date without the girl making the first move (see point #4). You aren't going to be getting any BJs with that attitude

[searock]

I don't think you should get in a relationship with a girl you aren't serious with. If you can't see yourself marrying her, don't get in a relationship with her. Casual dates are fine, I also suggest you look for girls who share your values and won't mind going without sex.

[jcorntassel]

I say go for the BJs!

Honestly though, you're opinions of women and relationships seems askew. Have you ever been in one? Go to church and bible study and date people who share your values. Why do you think somone who goes to church wouldn't share your values?

You're living in you're own world my friend. Time to break out of this bubble you live in because your ideas on how interpersonal relationships is out of whack

Seriously Bro.....you can't even get a date without the girl making the first move (see point #4). You aren't going to be getting any BJs with that attitude

I was saying the BJ thing as a joke. Yeah I could meet a girl at church, good point but not a viable option for me at this time. And no I havn't been in a relationship (i mentioned that in another thread). Could you clarify which ideas and opinions are askew for me?

[jcorntassel]

I don't think you should get in a relationship with a girl you aren't serious with. If you can't see yourself marrying her, don't get in a relationship with her. Casual dates are fine, I also suggest you look for girls who share your values and won't mind going without sex.

Right now I am on the same page, yeah I was thinking of like just casual dating or like starting a relationship without getting too emotionally invested, I guess kinda like having a
girl best-friend but I want the affection and intimacy too, if that makes any sense. Something like that could eventually grow into something serious, but I can't really see myself setting that up in the first place.

[smackie9]

You want a BJ that bad just pay for it, that is what prostitutes are for....no strings attached. Second, date Christian girls of like minded values. Springing the "I won't have sex til marriage, but you can give me blow jobs" is asinine.

Your best friend has you in the friend zone...there will be no dating her.

My advice: date casually, pay for a blow job every now and then, finish school, go to church and meet your future wife.

[surfhb]

I was saying the BJ thing as a joke.

I guess I dont get the joke since BJs and sex are an integral part of any healthy relationship

Yeah I could meet a girl at church, good point but not a viable option for me at this time

Why not? There are Christian churches everywhere

Could you clarify which ideas and opinions are askew for me?

Allof them. Because you believe most girls wouldnt share your ideals and then you gave a long list of possible outcomes (see below)

She gets bored, and we have an awkward break up within a few months/weeks
She gets bored, says nothing, and starts screwing dudes behind my back
Relationship simmers down into a friendship
I cave and end up getting a sweet blowjob

And then you go on and state:

Not bother with any girls until I'm ready to get married and then only worry about girls unless I'd consider them for that (this will be tough and boring, it
would mean waiting until I finish my 5 year degree and have saved enough for a house)

Why not? Girls are fun and you dont require a house or a 5 year degree to have one

Try anyway but tell her my intentions (early on or when the time comes? Could result in humiliating breakup, or strain on relationship if she holds out for me)

So? Break ups are a part of life and you will (or should) have several in your life. Youre human

Just hang out with girls every couple weeks and keeping things playful (would look sleazy, wouldn't be able to connect or trust them enough to talk about
anything serious with them, probably more expensive too)

How do you possibly think hanging out with a girl every so often is sleazy? No connection? Trust? Dude! What are you talking about?! Jeesh!

Not actively pursue any girls, and just see if any come to me (This is what I've been doing so far, I'm shy. Once again this is boring, might make girls hornier if I seem hard to get

Women dont come to you. You have balls, right? Then be a man and ask that girl you like out for a date

[Dakini1]

I think you should start dating around. If you find someone that irresistible you can get married. Plenty of people get married without a house or degree. Some people never have them.
There is one possibility you haven't mentioned. Think about how old you will be when you Finnish your degree and how long it will be to get started on dating given that you have no experience at it. Then how long it will be to even find these virgins and then to find one who likes you / loves you enough to marry you. As you get older your options will be more and more limited. There will be less and less virgins around in your age group. I really fear that you will be lonely, very lonely for a very long time. How hard is it going to be to find a 40 year old virgin, ( and one who is amazing and not afraid of men). I am exaggerating but you get the idea.
Don't sit on the sidelines waiting for your life to start. You're life is now. If things don't go according to your pre ordained schedule then that's ok, that's life. If you get hurt, then that unfortunately is life too. But don't give up the richness and fullness of life, and love because of this. It's too much to give up.....it's too much of a waste.

[sadie_genie]

Speaking of BJs, I want to give a sweet BJ.

[jcorntassel]

You want a BJ that bad just pay for it, that is what prostitutes are for....no strings attached. Second, date Christian girls of like minded values. Springing the "I won't have sex til marriage, but you can give me blow jobs" is asinine.

Your best friend has you in the friend zone...there will be no dating her.

My advice: date casually, pay for a blow job every now and then, finish school, go to church and meet your future wife.

Yeah like i said to the other poster, I was kidding about the BJ thing.

[jcorntassel]

"I guess I dont get the joke since BJs and sex are an integral part of any healthy relationship"

- Well for me they aren't an option. I was
making light of the fact that they are something everybody would want, yet I've decided I will have to wait for the time being.

"Why not? There are Christian churches everywhere"

- Well i go to the same church with my family every sunday, and I really enjoy it there.
But at the moment I'm not interested in anyone there.

"Allof them. Because you believe most girls wouldnt share your ideals and then you gave a long list of possible outcomes (see below)

- That's because these particular values are old-fashioned, and not very common these days. Even among Christians you still find lots of people doing it before they're
married, but yeah i wasn't specifically talking about exclusively dating Christians in the first post.

The possible outcomes are ones that I saw as likely if the girl didn't share my values. I honestly don't get what's so askew about them. Sure they may be
pessimistic, but I don't really see things turning out any other way.

"Why not? Girls are fun and you dont require a house or a 5 year degree to have one"

- I was basically saying should I wait until I am ready
for very serious relationships, because I find that a relationship can only last so long without either progressing or simmering down. So If I ended up with a girl
now, chances are things would be over by the time I am ready to settle down. Also this would be easier for us to wait if we know there will be a definite time in the future where we won't have to wait anymore.

"So? Break ups are a part of life and you will (or should) have several in your life. Youre human"

- Yeah true, but it's not only how bad it will
make me feel initially, but it could also damage how others think of me and impact my social life and chances with other girls.

"How do you possibly think hanging out with a girl every so often is sleazy? No connection? Trust? Dude! What are you talking about?! Jeesh!"

- I was talking about like casual dating different girls every other week. If other girls see me kissing/flirting with a different girl every time they see me, they will make assumptions.

"Women dont come to you. You have balls, right? Then be a man and ask that girl you like out for a date"

- Yeah I have balls, and they
actually have came to me a few times. Like I said, I'm shy and overcautious, so it's easier for me to wait for more obvious signs and just play things by ear
before making any obvious moves. Especially since any of the girls I usually like, I havn't met before.

So yeah, hope that gives you a better picture of what I meant.

[Boisdevie]

Since you are religious and believe in god why not ask your god for some advice. After all, he's all seeing, all knowing isn't he? Or perhaps the big sky fairy is just made up bullshit. My advice - stay a virgin, stay frustrated - or join the real world where people have sex.

[jcorntassel]

I think you should start dating around. If you find someone that irresistible you can get married. Plenty of people get married without a house or degree. Some people never have them.
There is one possibility you haven't mentioned. Think about how old you will be when you Finnish your degree and how long it will be to get started on dating given that you have no experience at it. Then how long it will be to even find these virgins and then to find one who likes you / loves you enough to marry you. As you get older your options will be more and more limited. There will be less and less virgins around in your age group. I really fear that you will be lonely, very lonely for a very long time. How hard is it going to be to find a 40 year old virgin, ( and one who is amazing and not afraid of men). I am exaggerating but you get the idea.
Don't sit on the sidelines waiting for your life to start. You're life is now. If things don't go according to your pre ordained schedule then that's ok, that's life. If you get hurt, then that unfortunately is life too. But don't give up the richness and fullness of life, and love because of this. It's too much to give up.....it's too much of a waste.

Cheers for the response. Just to clarify, I will be 23 years old by the time I finish my degree, and so will probably be prepared to marry by around 25/26 if things go smoothly.
This isn't too old as far as I'm concerned, but I see what you're saying about it being hard to date/find virgins. In that scenario I am basically relying on 'fate' or God to make
things work out, and I will probably end up with someone from church, a work/uni colleague or something a bit more natural than approaching strangers at the bus stop .

But yeah I am mainly concerned about the time between now and then, whether I should get into a relationship with no plan of it going anywhere, or casual dating, or just not trying a great deal and see what happens.

[jcorntassel]

Since you are religious and believe in god why not ask your god for some advice. After all, he's all seeing, all knowing isn't he? Or perhaps the big sky fairy is just made up bullshit. My advice - stay a virgin, stay frustrated - or join the real world where people have sex.

No thanks for the sarcasm/cynicism. Your post is really just antagonising and not really providing any useful advice to the thread. And I have asked God about this, but as of yet he hasn't revealed anything to me, or I just havn't noticed/listened.

[surfhb]

- Well i go to the same church with my family every sunday, and I really enjoy it there.
But at the moment I'm not interested in anyone there.

Time to find another church

- That's because these particular values are old-fashioned, and not very common these days.

Thats the point of dating alot of girls (which you seem to think is wrong).....to find the one who really shares your values

- I was basically saying should I wait until I am ready
for very serious relationships, because I find that a relationship can only last so long without either progressing or simmering down. So If I ended up with a girl
now, chances are things would be over by the time I am ready to settle down. Also this would be easier for us to wait if we know there will be a definite time in the future where we won't have to wait anymore.

Wait wait wait......wait for what? Settle down!?!? Dude youre 22 years old for Fucck sakes!!!

I will be 23 years old by the time I finish my degree, and so will probably be prepared to marry by around 25/26 if things go smoothly.
This isn't too old as far as I'm concerned

Seriously! Marriage? You have no idea what you are talking about

- Yeah true, but it's not only how bad it will
make me feel initially, but it could also damage how others think of me and impact my social life and chances with other girls.

How do you possibly come to the conclusion that a break up would make you look bad to other girls??

- I was talking about like casual dating different girls every other week. If other girls see me kissing/flirting with a different girl every time they see me, they will make assumptions.

Then let em make assumptions....what do you care? Youre a good guy so Fuuck em if they say shit behind your back

- Yeah I have balls, and they
actually have came to me a few times. Like I said, I'm shy and overcautious, so it's easier for me to wait for more obvious signs and just play things by ear
before making any obvious moves. Especially since any of the girls I usually like, I havn't met before.

That attitude will not get you women

So whether you want to call it pessimistic or askew or whatever.... youre attitude kinds of sucks when it comes to how relationships are built. Dont over think everythng and gain a little confidence in yourself. People will take notice when you do. Find a fun church in your area and start new.....meet new people at bible study, ect, ect Good Luck!!