Is it stress or no spark? PLEASE HELP!

[Martha23]

I met this guy a few months ago, we both came out of previous relationships, that were very similar (both ex partners suffered from depression). Anyway we instantly got on and had a great time together. During this time things we stressed on his side he was starting a new job, moving house and his ex was acting crazy!!

Throughout it all i never got invovled i let him deal with it but did support him as much as i could. A month in he asked me to be his girlfirend, although i was a little aprehensive considering we both were only out of long relationships for 4/5 months. However i did really like him and was comforted that he felt that , thats what he wanted.

Things changed slightly as he got a new promotion, i understood that work was very very stressful for him, again i never interfered and just provided whatever support i could. I noticed he did not have as much time during the day to keep in contact but he was still calling me everynight, then suddenly within one week it all changed.

On the Monday he texted me to say he was looking forward to seeing me, could not wait to cuddle me blah blah so he came over for dinner the next day and everything seemed perfectly fine! i could tell he was soo tired from working but as far as i could see all was good.

We had made plans to go out on saturday for lunch and he said it was a lovely idea and was really looking forward to it. Over the next few days i did not hear much from him and just texted to make sure everything was ok. He called me and said there had been a major crisis at work and that he had been working since 12:30 at night, he told me not to worry and that he would still like to do something on saturday.

So saturday arrives and suddenly he has this panic attack in the middle of the street and starts crying, i manage to calm him down (throughout which he was telling me how i was such a calming influence on him) he asked me to go back to his and just have some dinner there. I could tell the guy was on edge. I asked him how he was doing and he said he felt "empty" and that he "just wants to be alone", he said that he has felt that he needs to be alone and that the feelings he thought he had are not there and that there was no spark! he then went on to say he is not sure if thats got to do with everything that has been going on, the move, the ex etc.

i was a little perplexed, however i remained calm told him i understood and left the flat (i did leave abruptly but i felt i had no choice) afterwhich he text to say he needs to delete me off facebook as he finds it hard to look at my page when "his head is this way"

i am now so confused , is it that there is just no spark? can a guy really change his mind so quickly or is he just lashing out due to stress?

[Bonkers2012]

He's a jerk!! plain and simple

He's a control freak!

He wanted you, he got you, the excitement was the chase....THE CHASE.

I'd advise don't contact him, let him come to you. You go after him and you'll be harrassing him in his eyes.

This is a true story from personal experience. Don't make the mistakes I did by chasing this guy that's where it all goes really really wrong!

[oneandonly]

Whatever the 'real' reason is, it's pretty obvious that he's got some major issue to deal with. I mean, he started crying in the middle of the street?! Let him be and go find someone who is happy (and dare I say 'normal'!)

[Martha23]

ha! both responses made me laugh! we had to organise some money after which i wished him well and hope everything gets sorted! he did not even say the same back! i have no desire to contact him at the moment, i had to breifly there to make sure money had transfered into his account ok.

I dont get if it was down to there being no spark why make such a song and dance about it and delete me from facebook!!!

[Jeff12]

I actually feel, this already very perfect.

[Martha23]

This is a true story from personal experience. Don't make the mistakes I did by chasing this guy that's where it all goes really really wrong!

What was it that happened to you Bonkers? Did you eventually hear from the guy?

i dont want to text him, the urge is just not there! i hope that does change!!

Do guys like this normally get back in contact?

[Martha23]

sorry does not change!

[Bonkers2012]

What was it that happened to you Bonkers? Did you eventually hear from the guy?

i dont want to text him, the urge is just not there! i hope that does change!!

Do guys like this normally get back in contact?

He did come back to break my heart, I was steadfast that I would have nothing to do with him. Then he came back and I got sucked in.
He came back made me fall in love with him and then dumps me out of the blue, haven't heard anything since.
He dumped me by e-mail!
Sad thing for me, I want so much for him to contact me I'm still attracted to him.
He proabably will in the future once I've forgotten about him, come back to taunt me, I think he will as he's a controlling person.

I wish I never met him TBH! He turned out to be a right douchebag, made me bonkers lol

[Bonkers2012]

oh yeah, I was fine with the not wanting to contact him for a few months, and then for some reason all these feelings come flooding back, it's not easy!!

[Wakeup]

What was it that happened to you Bonkers? Did you eventually hear from the guy?

i dont want to text him, the urge is just not there! i hope that does change!!

Do guys like this normally get back in contact?

Bonkers had an online affair with the dude and when she became too demanding he cut it off. Both she and he were in relationships during this affair... that's what happened to her.

I think that is what is happened to you as well, Op. Your situation however was not pre-meditated like bonker's was.

I don't think your guy was "divorced" at all. Or if he was, he certainaly wasn't completely finished with her. In future if a fairly new date tells you that his ex is acting crazy then that is your first red flag that he has not finished with his last relationship yet and is likely still very much emotionally embroiled in that drama. You are likely to regret going forward with someone who hasn't finished one relationship before starting another (as Bonkers now is) ... So, don't do it. Heed that red flag and distance yourself from those with unfinished business.

Better luck next time.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Bonkers had an online affair with the dude and when she became too demanding he cut it off. Both she and he were in relationships during this affair... that's what happened to her.

I think that is what is happened to you as well, Op. Your situation however was not pre-meditated like bonker's was.

I don't think your guy was "divorced" at all. Or if he was, he certainaly wasn't completely finished with her. In future if a fairly new date tells you that his ex is acting crazy then that is your first red flag that he has not finished with his last relationship yet and is likely still very much emotionally embroiled in that dram. You are likely to regret going forward with someone who hasn't finished one relationship before starting another... So, don't.

What she said.

[Bonkers2012]

Bonkers had an online affair with the dude and when she became too demanding he cut it off. Both she and he were in relationships during this affair... that's what happened to her.

I think that is what is happened to you as well, Op. Your situation however was not pre-meditated like bonker's was.

I don't think your guy was "divorced" at all. Or if he was, he certainaly wasn't completely finished with her. In future if a fairly new date tells you that his ex is acting crazy then that is your first red flag that he has not finished with his last relationship yet and is likely still very much emotionally embroiled in that drama. You are likely to regret going forward with someone who hasn't finished one relationship before starting another (as Bonkers now is) ... So, don't do it. Heed that red flag and distance yourself from those with unfinished business.

Better luck next time.

Funny how I put myself down in my description/story and not say so much about how the dude acted. I was never demanding in anyway acutally!!!; Quite the opposite. What I got, was wear this, wear that, meet me at such a time, ring me @ blah oclock, I never asked one thing of him NEVER!
However an email once a week to say HI HOWYA DOING BABE, led him to say I was a stalker, that's all. He's a control freak, wanted sex once every 6-8 weeks with NO contact in between. Now I just did not understand this. I thought one or 2 emails a week was normal enough, particularly considering that when it all started I was bombarded and stalked!!.
FUNNY THING. He's the one stalking me; but accussing me of stalking. So there you go, Mister judgemental, thinking you know all about me from a few words on a page. I tend to put myself down and say all I've done wrong, THE TRUE STORY. This guy is the creep out of the 2 of us!! I suppose, I only told half the story, not all the stuff he's done on me!
Yip I did wrong, but there's a WHOLE lot more to it. MY problem is that despite all this, I'm the fool that still loves him.

[Wakeup]

Funny how I put myself down in my description/story and not say so much about how the dude acted. I was never demanding in anyway acutally!!!; Quite the opposite. What I got, was wear this, wear that, meet me at such a time, ring me @ blah oclock, I never asked one thing of him NEVER!
However an email once a week to say HI HOWYA DOING BABE, led him to say I was a stalker, that's all. He's a control freak, wanted sex once every 6-8 weeks with NO contact in between. Now I just did not understand this. I thought one or 2 emails a week was normal enough, particularly considering that when it all started I was bombarded and stalked!!.
FUNNY THING. He's the one stalking me; but accussing me of stalking. So there you go, Mister judgemental, thinking you know all about me from a few words on a page. I tend to put myself down and say all I've done wrong, THE TRUE STORY. This guy is the creep out of the 2 of us!! I suppose, I only told half the story, not all the stuff he's done on me!
Yip I did wrong, but there's a WHOLE lot more to it. MY problem is that despite all this, I'm the fool that still loves him.

You were a fk buddy. Did you expect to get preferencial treatment over his SIGNIFICANT other? Forget about who stalked who. That isn't the issue. The issue is you allowed yourself to be a piece on the side while you cheated on your own SO. Whats missing in you that you'd not leave the one you're with and therefore be open to finding someone who wants you for more than a warm wet place to masturbate once every 6 to 8 weeks.

Forget about him. He's a sociopathic who gets his validation by the number of women he can conquer and he likely has a wife that goes along with it and does the same thing with stranger men from the internet. Work on yourself and ask yourself why you would settle for his crumbs and then miss them when he snatched them away.

Start by knowing the difference between Lust and Love.

[Martha23]

Yeah I mean I can see that its better not to be involved with it. But I guess I can't get my head round it. It was always him drving it forward , was he just using me? And why is he saying he finds it hard seeing me, is it guilt?

I know I walked away from.it with dignity I didn't get upset , go crazy or bombard him with text I sorted out a few financial things as he had booked us for a weekend away! So why is he saying he finds it so hard to be reminded of me.

I guess I'm.just taking it a bit personally because it was always him that pushed things forward , while I was a bit more relaxed yet I feel like the reject he does not fancy anymore!!

[Wakeup]

Repeated:

Martha:///I don't think your guy was "divorced" at all. Or if he was, he certainaly wasn't completely finished with her. In future if a fairly new date tells you that his ex is acting crazy then that is your first red flag that he has not finished with his last relationship yet and is likely still very much emotionally embroiled in that drama. You are likely to regret going forward with someone who hasn't finished one relationship before starting another (as Bonkers now is) ... So, don't do it. Heed that red flag and distance yourself from those with unfinished business.////

>Stop worrying about the why and the wherefores.. that type of circular thinking will just whittle away at your self worth and it will do nothing to help you get to a stage of indifference to this troubled man that you've only known a very short while. Let him deal with his issues without you.

Instead, thank your higher power that you dodged a bullet and he showed you who he really is early on instead of dragging it out, you bonding even more with him.

I guess I'm.just taking it a bit personally because it was always him that pushed things forward , while I was a bit more relaxed yet I feel like the reject he does not fancy anymore!!

DO NOT let your ego convince you that this was something about you. Surely you can't blame you when he's so accurately shown you that he's a blithering idiot?

Now, go thank who ever you believe is looking after your better interests because they've done you a favour here, for sure.