How Long?

[CAM]

Okay, a totally amicable break in a loving 1.5 year relationship. The gf initiated it, indicated that she needs to get her life straightened out before we (if we) proceeed in a relationship. Based on odds alone, I'd said that we're talking 6 months to a year before we (if we) reunite and there's only a 20-60 percent chance that she's permanently okay.

I miss her a lot, but I also need to use this time to see what else is out there, wouldn't you agree? So, what's a decent interval before I start dating again? The terrible thing is that everyone thinks that the ex-gf and I are still a couple because we were so good together. I don't want to start broadcasting the news because it is personal; on the other hand, I don't want someone telling her that that they saw Cameron with another woman...might make her think that I really didn't love her, which isn't the case (I really did love her and still do, but need to separate myself mentally or I'll go crazy waiting...and life is a one-time event).

Very emotionally confusing. At the same time, not putting up with her personal issues has reduced my stress level tremendously.

[surfhb]

I don't want someone telling her that that they saw Cameron with another woman...might make her think that I really didn't love her, which isn't the case (I really did love her and still do, but need to separate myself mentally or I'll go crazy waiting...and life is a one-time event).

I dont get it...why not? She dumped you and now its time to move on to another girl who will be your true love. This girl doesnt want you so why deny yourself happiness because of her? You need to be a man here

The ONLY reason people end relationship is because THEY ARENT GOOD. Not because she need to find herself or whatever BS she fed you. She was being nice and its your job to get the hint.

Weve all been in break ups Bro....its just a part of life. How well you pick yourself up and move on determines how happy, in this life, you will be.....got it?

[VincenzoG91]

Don't wait for her, just move on. If she really saw a future together, she would want to stay with you while sorting her problems out, because couples that want to be together stay together even when there are problems. Whatever her problems are, she isn't willing to face them as part of a couple, so she doesn't the two of you as a long-term item. The maybe someday stuff is just part of letting you down easy, because if she really wanted to be with you, she wouldn't be dumping you now.

[oneandonly]

..........might make her think that I really didn't love her, which isn't the case (I really did love her and still do...

Although you are saying that, I think it's more about you not wanting to 'kill' whatever chance you think you may still have with her than anything else.

life is a one-time event

It's true that life is a one-time event. I truly wish I had developed this attitude / mentality early in my days. Things would have been so much different... for better and for more personal growth in so many ways.

Sorry to hear that it didn't work out. A break up is unbearably painful but ah well, we all know we will come out of it eventually and realise that we've only removed one who was not really compatible with us. Time to look forward to next encounter, eh?

So, what's a decent interval before I start dating again?

When you are ready! Who cares what she thinks!

Don't make anyone a rebound in your hasty though.

[CAM]

Alll good thoughts. Thanks! Frankly, there was a two-day mourning period, but now I'm totally fine. Seriously. In the last few months, our time together was so "hit and miss" that my daily routine remains consistent, nothing has changed. As I thought about it yesterday: she hasn't been a large part of my life for some time.

Again, thanks! I'm already scheduling myself into some community events to get back out there and meet people.

[misombra]

well at least she didn't string you along much longer, you know? i say move on. you had a great time and that's that. girls her age in general aren't sure what they want and won't realize how valuable a good guy is for a long time. you could seriously be in a nursing home by then.

[CAM]

well at least she didn't string you along much longer, you know? i say move on. you had a great time and that's that. girls her age in general aren't sure what they want and won't realize how valuable a good guy is for a long time. you could seriously be in a nursing home by then.

I agree. I probably would be in a nursing home by the time she came around. Physical maturity is happening at younger ages, while emotionally and intellectual maturity seems to not occur until 30s or even 40s (in some cases, never).

Anyway, thanks for the compliment above

[CAM]

So, 10 days later...it looks as if I have a coffee date with someone new who seems pretty squared away, equal education level as me, a direction in life, and what sounds like a very interesting background. Same faith, too.

Not going to rebound--just having a nice time. I doubt she knows my ex, but she does work in the same large office complex.

Oh, she's only 12 years younger than me. Very attractive, too.

I will always wonder wtf ex-gf was thinking, but I think I was more than patient and giving...to the point of emotional exhaustion. Mis is right...at least she ended it.

So, Cameron moves on.

[Joshua1]

thumbs up

[CAM]

thumbs up

Thanks. Yes, it was a good move to go out on a lunch date today.

The new person...ended up talking and laughing for 2 hours. She shows up "dressed to the nines" with hair nicely combed. We'll go to lunch or dinner this week. Even if nothing comes of it, what a HUGE difference from the ex-gf. Sometimes, seeing a contrast is very helpful--soothing to the mind and emotions.

Two hours very well spent!

[CAM]

So, resurrecting old shit...

After three weeks...guess who shows up at my workplace? The ex-gf. She want to talk. The eyes are searching to see where I am emotionally. Neither of us say, "I've missed you." She was very calm, none of the stress of the weeks before is in her voice. Totally relaxed. She suggested that we ought to get together to play tennis or go for a bike ride. I was non-commital, I said, "Yeah, that would be a good idea." She asked what I've been doing and I report everyday stuff, "Not much, really." I ask how her sibling is doing, etc. Everyday chit chat.

So, she'll be working in the same office building for the next ten weeks and we'll see each other several times a week.

Meanwhile: This Friday, I have a second date with new woman I'm seeing. Not to say the new one will go anywhere, but I'm glad that I've moved on. The ex-gf was a nice period of my life and I do care, but I care enough to know that she is still not emotionally healthy, she has more work to improve herself and her life.

A colleague of mine, who knows both of us, had dinner with me the other day and said cryptically, "I hope you continue to have an open mind about who is right for you, etc." I wonder if this person has an inside scoop on things....hmmm.

Thoughts? I need some feedback. Thanks in advance.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm probably not in the best state of mind atm, but my advice is to keep dating. Little to lose, at worst make some new friends, at best find someone you are much more aligned with. Your ex sounds like she will make a terrific adult... someday.

[misombra]

I say keep dating too. You're learning as you go along. This girl was not right for you, and thats that. Having support from a partners family is important. Now you know.

[CAM]

Thanks, Indi and Mis It confirms things for me.

BTW: she looked very bony and sinewy. She says that she has be exercising a lot, but I think it is the effect of her condition. For a person so young, she looks old. She has aged significantly in the one year I've known her. Not healthy. She might make a good adult one day, if she her illness doesn't cut her life short. Very sad.

[maria178]

Very emotional confusion. At the same time, and her personal problems, not put my stress level is greatly reduced.