Not sure how to go foreward

[halfstepsunflow]

Hello everyone =) Please bear with me I am long winded. To give you some SHORT background, I just ended a 5 year relationship less than 1 month ago because it wasn't going anywhere. We are still friends, it was a kind parting.

I was happy to be single. I am very ambitious and had lots of plans for my single-dom. I am still fulfilling those plans but a man seems to be snatching me up.

I tried to resist dating him but we are so compatible and he is so romantic/amazing/kind/interesting/etc that I ended up falling into a whirlwind kind of a fling with him within 1 WEEK of my breakup. At this point we have already had sex a few times and have found that we have great chemistry here.

We also just have great chemistry in general. Our cars (including the contents inside, make, model, time of year, missing side view mirror, etc) are the same, we have the same veracious reading habits, we even constantly (coincidentally) start whistling or humming at the same time, say the same things at the same time, etc.. It's pretty weird.

That being said there is one aspect of this that I cannot read him on.

I told him I don't want a relationship. He is totally fine with that and said I have complete freedom and that he hopes I date around. He makes sure to remind me that I have freedom and says more general statements like, "Freedom is the operative word here for us" I always thank him from the heart and make sure he knows that means a lot to me that he is ok with that. I also tell him he can do the same with NO JEALOUSY from me, no resentment/judgement/etc. and I stress that I am laid back and anything goes. I tell him I just want to have fun but that I appreciate him as a person and feel glad to have some one to drink tea with and read, etc. with and tell him it feels really good to be with him.

HOWEVER at the same time... he says he isn't interested in dating other women. He said he is a one woman kind of guy. I personally cannot kiss two men at once and didn't even really want one in the first place let alone another one... I don't really explain this to him but I did once say it to him because it was the second time he had pointed out to me he didn't want to see other women (right after reminding me I have no obligation to him, no commitment, that he just is glad to see me when I want to see him). AT THE SAME TIME he has a very hard time going a whole week not seeing me.

Another interesting thing he has reiterated is, "You are in charge of the course of this relationship".

I asked him one time (I am 25 but very mature- I mother men my own age- and he is a very handsome and healthy 40) if this was the biggest age difference he had ever been with. He said no, that he had a fun fling a few years back with a girl he knew would be leaving town with this age difference. He then kind of restated. He said, "Well, but I didn't see any relationship potential with her so it is different and I guess doesn't really count." Then he backtracked again and said, "What I mean by that is she didn't really stay the night and we didn't sit around the house and read, etc" Which didn't help him backtrack really because WE sit around the house and read, etc.

He also mentioned that he had been planning to go see his X now that she was single and visit her for a while (it seemed like he meant it in more of a friendly way but I think he still wishes she were a better fit for him, or would at least like little nibblits of romance from her when she is single), but that for such and so reasons he wasn't going to now.. This was in context of something else about her, and he also mentioned I would like her. Her and I actually have many of the same friends and I am sure I would love her. Anyhow I tried to be very encouraging of him going to go see her, whether or not it was for something romantic. I think even if he and I became exclusive and he wanted to go visit her in the next 6 months I would tell him anything goes and give him his freedom. I don't ever want to stand in the way because I know they had a good relationship, although from the sounds of it they aren't going to end up back together (but you never know!).

Anyway I am not sure what I am in. Is this a friends with benefits situation? Is this just a casual sex/dating NOT RELATIONSHIP? Does this sound like it will become exclusive? Does this sound like it will get complicated? Will some one get hurt?

I'm not possessive or jealous. I am not ready to be committed long term right now but this man is exactly the kind of man I would marry and want to have babies with from what I can tell. We have all the same friends so I actually know a lot about him from gossip.

I don't think I mentioned but he has apparently liked me for at least a year, and it seems pretty intensely although he hides his intensity as best he can.

Also, we don't just get together and have sex and flirt... some times we just read and go to sleep. We go hiking, do yard work, listen to music, go on really really fun dates, concerts, etc. We have been packing a lot into the 8-10 total days we have seen each other since our first night together.


I am starting to feel not possessive but committed... If he doesn't want a commitment ever then I don't want to scare him off while we could still be having a lot of fun this summer. I also think maybe some of his signals are saying he is more of a commitment kind of guy but just trying to respect me and give me freedom considering my circumstances.