Follow head or heart?

[malteser]

I'm totally in love with a guy who says he has very strong feelings for me and that he wants to be with me. If there is such a thing as 'the one' then I feel like he is it. The problem is it's very complicated and to any outsider looking in they don't think he is sincere and they think he should make more effort and that he doesn't treat me right. There are many reasons why I agree with them in some respect but nobody apart from me knows how it feels when we're together and how I feel about him and how terrible the thought of not having him is. I would marry him and have his babies it feels that right with him. I've known him for nearly a year.

My head tells me that it will never work for the reasons all my family/friends say about how he treats me etc, and that I'm going to end up hurt and should end it and cut all contact to try to forget about him. I keep turning down other guys who I think would be good for me because I want the other guy so much even though I think that deep down I know I deserve better.

I really don't know what to do! Follow my heart against the wishes of everyone I know, or follow my head. I'm interested to know what others would do in my position.

[cast no shadow]

I didn't really understand what is the problem your friends and family have with him.

Only you know if he his good for you or not,
but do keep in mind that sometimes it's really easy to get blinded but only being in a relationship
and having someone who cares for you.

[malteser]

I didn't really understand what is the problem your friends and family have with him.

Only you know if he his good for you or not,
but do keep in mind that sometimes it's really easy to get blinded but only being in a relationship
and having someone who cares for you.

It's complicated; it's long distance and they don't think he puts the effort in and they see me getting upset when he doesn't contact me when he should and they don't like seeing me like that. Trouble is they don't see how happy I am when we are together, they've never met him, and the reason I get upset is not because he is horrible to me but because I love him and miss him so much which is why I act like I do when I don't hear from him. I'm not saying he's not to blame but I blame myself for being abit of a bunny bolier too but they only have my side of the story.

True about being blinded about being in a relationship but I've passed on many opportunities to be in a relationship with guys that live in my area for this guy even though I don't get to see him as often as I would like so I know it's him that I am consumed with and not the idea of the relationship.

[cast no shadow]

Bring him for a weekend in your hometown and such,
so they can meet him and so on..

[smackie9]

Relationships over the internet are 20% reality and 80% fantasy. You are obsessing and making him into something he is probably not. It's too easy to let the imagination to take over, and blind you even further from making proper judgement. Get you head out of your ass and follow your "gut instinct". It is there to protect you.
You quoted "My head tells me that it will never work" and the fact your family confirms it is a warning that should not ignore. A year over the net is not enough time to know someone....you are in the honeymoon stage of a relationship where all logical thinking is out the window....but you are reaching the end of it and things are starting to look a little clear in what is involved here.

Dating locally is your best bet. You just wasted a whole year on an image of what is on the other end of cyber space.

[malteser]

Relationships over the internet are 20% reality and 80% fantasy. You are obsessing and making him into something he is probably not. It's too easy to let the imagination to take over, and blind you even further from making proper judgement. Get you head out of your ass and follow your "gut instinct". It is there to protect you.
You quoted "My head tells me that it will never work" and the fact your family confirms it is a warning that should not ignore. A year over the net is not enough time to know someone....you are in the honeymoon stage of a relationship where all logical thinking is out the window....but you are reaching the end of it and things are starting to look a little clear in what is involved here.

Dating locally is your best bet. You just wasted a whole year on an image of what is on the other end of cyber space.

Nowhere in my post do I make any suggestion that the relationship is online. Infact he is somebody that I use to work with and then he quit his job and moved away. Before that happened we saw each other daily and I know him very well, we don't ever communicate online we talk on the telephone for hours and see eachother when we can it's just it always seems to be me that makes the most effort. My gut instinct tells me that he is the one. Other peoples observations tell me that he is not right for me. I have dated loads of people locally and never found anybody like him.

[JaimeRose5]

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS follow your heart. Most of the time when we follow our head and it involves love we find ourselves alone and sad. Follow your heart and it will lead you to where you belong.

Jaime

[smackie9]

OK my mistake. Then just pack your sh it up and leave town. Move away from your family so you don't have to listen to then anymore and make your BF take care of you instead. Sound like a plan? If things don't work out, make sure you have money stashed so you can buy a plane ticket home.

You are an adult, you can make your own decisions, why are you even listening to them anyways?

[malteser]

Thanks for the replies. I think I am right to follow my heart and I shouldn't be so concerned with what other people say/think.

[marie86]

I would always say follow your head though you don't really say why this lad may not be right for you. Relationships can work when one is more keen that the other. Does he seem to want to be with you? Following your heart can lead to upsets as I've relised a few times. 1 years back I stayed with a bf now my ex even when he was saying he wasn't ready for relationship then he was then wasn't and made excuses not to see me. I should of ended it but I loved him so put up with it so he ended up finishing me. I wished I'd ende3d it before he had the chance. Now I've been with my current bf over a year and until recently I wasn't sure I really wanted to be with him. He always makes more effort (not saying I don't make an effort) he's more keen on me than I am him. But I've stayed with him because my head told me to as there was no reason for me not to want to be with him and over the last month or so I have started feeling more for him. Only yesterday I was with him and he was a bit down over having to be back at work today and I really felt sorry for him.