I feel Traited by my fiancee

[FB55]

Hi guys, I'll try to make it as short as possible, but sorry for the long read:

So you get a general picture:

I was an exchange student last year in Budapest (Hungary), and I met a great girl there, from America (lets call her J), and we instantly had an attraction. She was dating a guy (lets call him A), from Israel. When we met, he was slowly starting to move in with her. I knew she really didn't like him that much, because she is a sporty type, hard worker, and he was a lazy fat ass (with a lot lot of money).

We started to hang out (since we lived in the same building), and after a few months, she started to have an affair with me. When this was going on, we talked about moving to Spain next year, and we could both finish University in Madrid, she thought it was a fantastic idea. She was (IMO), really selfish, and didn't dump her boyfriend in the whole year, because she was scared of the consequences of dealing with those jewish people in Budapest, that apparently can be quite dangerous. I was very angry about this, but I held myself back, which I never have done before, and let this happen. My family knew about her, and I didn't tell them anything about this "A".

She kept her birthday party away from me. I knew I wouldn't be invited, but I was hurt that she kept is as a secret. I would have understood I couldn't have gone anyways, because it was quite obvious she was having an affair with me, but his boyfriend wasn't sure. Sadly, I found out accidently about this party and I was a bit sad that I noticed that she sometimes lied to me.

She invited me to spend easter (2011) with her, in cypress, but because her boyfriend wasn't going to easter at the end, a week or so before easter, she "cancelled" the plans. So I told her I wouldn't go home to Spain, and I would stay easter in Budapest with her. She insisted me in going back to Spain, but I refused to. Well she wanted me to go to Spain because she was invited to go to Turkey with her boyfriend for easter.

This time I was seriously hurt. But still I fought for this relationship, because I had faith, that once I took her to Spain, we would just be together, and all this BS would be over.

SUMMER
Then summer came, she dumped her boyfriend, and spent summer with me in Spain. We had a great time. And we were so happy everything was over. But when we tried to transfer university, there was some issues going on, and in October she had to go back to Budapest... This was devastating for both of us, but we agreed to get over it. She came 4 times to see me, between October and December, to Madrid, and I went once in December. Our relationship was really amazing. She really wanted to get engaged to me, I wanted also, but I wasn't in a hurry. I felt a bit pushed, and she gets really deppresed in Hungary, so I thought a ring would give her the strength she needed to cope with two more semester in Hungary.

I asked my dad for a fair amount of money, and he gave it to me. And I bought a ring that I thought was gorgeous. And when I went to see her in Budapest, we were having dinner together, in a fancy place, and we took a picture together, and I said, oh, lets send it to my dad through Whatsapp, and she said sure, send it. So I got her phone, went into Whatsap, and the last conversation was with "A" saying "I'll call you later".

I threw the phone on the table, and she panicked, and deleted the conversation. I asked her why she deleted the conversation if she had nothing to hide from me, and she said she didn't know, that she just panicked. All it was about is him saying he misses her and stuff like that. (Thats what she said). She also added it was because of some medicine books she left at his house last year, and needed to pick them up. So I made her call him, infront of me, and ask him about the books, I wanted to hear that conversation.

I told her I was going to make an effort to believe her.

CHRISTMAS

Christmas she came to Miami, where I was spending some time with my family there, and I engaged the 26th of December. I got a nice hotel room, at a great hotel, I prepared a lovely dinner in the room, I set up everything with candels, and music, and after the dinner I gave her the ring. I noticed after a while she didn't like the ring, which got me really sad, and I felt kind of dissapointed at myself, but my intentions couldn't have been better.

She flew back to Hungary, and I flew back to Spain, and she had a hard exam period. During this month, she would get angry at me for ANYTHING. And not just angry, REALLY angry, I never seen her with so much energy for something so negative... This was a really hard period for me, but I believed in the power of our relationship, and held the tempest hoping for the end of exam period and seeing each other regularly again.

After me going to see her, a couple days later a friend of her told her, that her ex had seen me party in a group of girls, and that I was very close to them. This guy is the biggest jackass I ever met. He is a huge loser, that was just trying to get her ex's attention. So he told her, this shit story, that has followed me ever since, and that pisses me off, because I can't even understand it.

Around this period, my fiance was getting really close to a group of friend (all girls). And since this happened, our relationship started to diminish. I felt she was calling me less, and sometimes she just didn't want to talk much. Also that I could never call her in the afternoons, or if I did, the phone would be off. She would call me when she hoped into taxis.

She came to Spain, and we used her laptop to pass some pictures of her week here into it. When iPhoto opened, I saw an album dated 22FEB2012, with a picture of her ex... Mr A. We were fighting for the laptop, and I told her she wasn't going to leave my house without showing me those pictures. She quickly opened the laptop (it looked like she was making sure I didn't see anything else), and opened the album. It had 4 pictures of her and him, at his place, and they had made dinner. He wasn't wearing a shirt.

I told her she better give me a good explanation. She said her mum has cancer, and she told her to help him make dinner for her. Also she felt sorry for him, because he has nobody to talk to. And to the T-shirt thing, she said hes just like a rude lowlife guy, that is always like that at home.

I was furious, I shouting, I slammed doors. I felt really stupid. She cried, and said we are done. And I suspect it waas just to scare the shit out of me. I had to talk to her slowly, and said I was going to make an effort in believing her, but that my trust had seriously been affected.

That week after, when she was in Budapest, I booked tickets for San Francisco, to visit her in Easter (2012), and her family. That same day, we had a skype conversation, in which I was talking about how affected I was about those pictures, and she was saying that she was just doing a nice thing. She came up to a point in which she said I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE, and menaced me with suiciding. She started to herself infront of the camera, and screamed so loud, I think the computer just couldn't load the conection. I have never been more scared in my life.

I was devastated, but at the same time, suspicious that she used this as a weapon against me, to stop an argument whenever she wanted to. So I took the next plane to Budapest, from Wednesday to Friday. I suspected Friday she was doing a birthday party again that I wasn't invited to. I asked her several times, and she insisted that all her friends would be out of town by friday, so she was kind of "bumbed" about not being able to do anything. I didn't believe her, because I saw her write an email to a Limo company, but she said it was just to ask the prices. (She is quite wealthy, I never seen her ask prices of anything ever in her life). So thats why I booked my plane until Friday, because I didn't want to look like I was spying on her.

When I landed in Budapest I went to her house, without telling her, and she opened the door. She kind of freaked out when she saw me, and was a bit scared. She said she was still angry at me. I was just there to make things clear. She asked me, when are you leaving, Friday or Saturday?
I said: "I don't know". She was like "Of course you know, show me your ticket right now!". I didn't want to, to see how much she would insist. I finally showed her the ticket, to avoid a huge problem... I knew because of this, she was doing a party or something.

Things were much better when I left, and again, she said there had been no party. I was in Madrid, and calling her from 10pm, and her phone was off suspiciously. And later that night, she called me to say that she was a bit bummed that her few friends in the city hadn't prepared anything for her...

I went to see her in California, and we had a great time. And when I got back, I was really angry and worried because she would NEVER answer my phone. She would just talk to me on skype, when she was "available". She was always with her friends.

Basically, I just found out for sure that she did a party, because she sent me a picture, I don't know if accidently or on purpose of her in a limo with her friends, and I knew it was that day. So I asked her, when was this? And she said, "my birthday". - "So... You did get the limo". "Actuallly, my brother did, it was very nice of him".

I told her, nicely, that she can't lie to me like this anymore. I waited until next day, because she had just landed from Dubai with her friends.
I told her its enough, and that we have a very serious conversation to be talked. Yesterday and today, things have gotten much better, basically because she said she is "starting to see" that there is no room for girly-groups when you are engaged.

I hope she really gets it, because I have been the best boyfriend I could, and have always priorized her above EVERYTHING. Including my family.



SORRY For the HUUUGE post. But I had to get this out of me. If nobody reads it, I'm still fine, because writing it made me feel so much better....

I think I should also post why we love each other so much, and how similar we are in many things. But I don't want to make the post any longer.

What do you guys think?

THanks

[VincenzoG91]

When a relationship starts with cheating, it will probably end with cheating. She sounds young, selfish, and dishonest. Even if she is actually perfect, the important part is that you don't trust her anymore. Without trust, there can't be love, and without love, why bother getting married? Also, there are some really long distances involved in this relationship that make it really easy for her to cheat on you and for you to get paranoid. You should seriously consider breaking up and moving on.

[thiudiskr]

I wouldn't invest any more in this relationship. It's not going to go anywhere.

[FB55]

thank you for the answers. I re-read my Initial post and I kind of feel bad because I just wrote a list of lies that have happened between us. I haven't explain many great things about our relationship.

Distance has not been my ally, but we believe that from June, when she is done in Hungary, we will be together forever.
We have never had a problem when we have been together.

I really think she is badly influenced by her stupid friends...

She IS good hearted. Thats a fact, and she is strong determined. But she is also weak, lacks decision capabilities, and is selfish.

Because she is a good person, I extremely doubt she has EVER cheated on me, because we know the level of commitment we have. But for me respect, and honesty is EXTREMELY important, and no lies are welcome, not even the smallest lies.

I hate to say this, but I would have even understood I wasn't invited to her birthday this year, because I do suspect that not many people in that city know we are together (because of her past with the other guy), so she wants to avoid drama, of her EX (A), finding out she DID cheat on him with me.

So if she would have been honest saying she was going to do a party, and told me about this. As much as that ****ing sucks (and I would never do that), I would agree. Because of honesty. What is unecctable is what happened.

I still believe, that in June, when she comes, everything will change. I'm just really, really, really angry that she can be so cold at some points.
I'd love to see a couple more replies...

thanks guys

[smackie9]

Wow you are one big push over! Seriously are you that pus sy whipped? This girl has you wrapped around her little finger. She is a cheating skank. She lied to you my friend....she is a good story teller, has an answer for everything......she knows how to pacify you at every turn. She didn't stay with (A) because she "lived in fear" (you kidding me? I saw through it) And what makes you think she doesn't have a few more shleps like you waiting in the wings.

She knows how to manipulate men....run away as fast as you can.

[smackie9]

I still believe, that in June, when she comes, everything will change.

You are delusional.

[FB55]

Even if shes been to my family house several times, her phone, laptop and everything is full of pictures of me, she presented me her parents 2 weeks ago in California for first time, she is transfering university to Spain in June, and is looking for a flat around here?

Is it possiblle someone that I think is good, could do all that, and also what you guys mentioned above?

I'm not a pussy my dear. This is a very serious thing, and if I were to cut it, it cut it completely, and there is no way back. There is family involved, future plans, I can't take this decision this fast.

[smackie9]

Even if shes been to my family house several times, her phone, laptop and everything is full of pictures of me, she presented me her parents 2 weeks ago in California for first time, she is transfering university to Spain in June, and is looking for a flat around here?

Is it possiblle someone that I think is good, could do all that, and also what you guys mentioned above?

I'm not a pussy my dear. This is a very serious thing, and if I were to cut it, it cut it completely, and there is no way back. There is family involved, future plans, I can't take this decision this fast.

If it's looking so good and you don't like what we are saying....then why are you here?

[surfhb]

I'm not a pussy my dear.

lol.....yeah you are!

[seanni]

oh,good luck

[thiudiskr]

I can't wait until June, when I can post, "I told you so."

[Boisdevie]

An excellent post from the OP just like so many other slow motion train wrecks - yup, ask us for our advice and then ignore us. I also can't wait for June.

[steviej]

She played you for the first year, she then cheated on you with her ex (tables turned!) For the 2nd year and now she only bothers with you when she's not having fun with her friends.

This will not end well.

[VincenzoG91]

On one of the early episodes of Married With Children, Al Bundy briefly summarized his marriage while talking to his next-door neighbor Steve. The relationship was no good, so we got married. The marriage was no good, so we had a kid. The kid was no good, so we had another kid. Finally, we got a dog.

[HARVEY23]

I think she is not honest with you from the very beginning.
Your so sincere with her and for me, she is not deserving for your love.