Making female friends. I wanna be in the friend zone.

[inflorescence]

Ok, that's your half of it. I can guarantee the guys you had no attraction to, who were actually there for you as a friend, had an attraction to you. I'm not saying men and women can't be friends, but in a hetero environment, there's always one half that would jump at the chance if the pants came off, and that's the majority of the reason they're hanging around as a friend.

I could not agree more.... I have even had a GAY guy friend admit that he would go straight for me if I ever was attracted to him... he was VERY drunk and I think he was full of crap, well at least I hope so (I have only ever known him to date men).... maybe he's bisexual. hahaha...?

[searock]

Bringing more examples that are in accord with the "rule" won't eliminate the fact that there are counter-examples to it (in this case, my situation and that of a couple friends of mine). It just doesn't work as a general rule :-).

[IndiReloaded]

I'm not saying men and women can't be friends, but in a hetero environment, there's always one half that would jump at the chance if the pants came off, and that's the majority of the reason they're hanging around as a friend.

I agree. I didn't used to think it was true when I was young, but now I know better.

I 3rd this. My experience also. Of course, as adults one controls the attraction but I think with close friends there's always that something 'extra'. Guys don't tend to share close emotional stuff w/women friends they don't admire.

So Searock, guess it depends what you mean by close friends. If you have guy friends who will take a call from you at midnight or fly to you if there was an emergency, then they are certainly more than *just* friends.

[searock]

So Searock, guess it depends what you mean by close friends. If you have guy friends who will take a call from you at midnight or fly to you if there was an emergency, then they are certainly more than *just* friends.

I agree. What I mean by close friends is being able to talk about anything, including close emotional stuff, with someone. I have at least 2 close guy friends whom I share that type of friendship with, and I know for a fact that they aren't attracted to me. A great part of the emotional stuff we talk about is related to their (and my) love life. Actually, I'm also pretty sure that in case I were in a real emergency situation, and I couldn't contact my family or my boyfriend, they would try to help me - it's just what friends would do. But I would find it weird to call them before my family/boyfriend, and so would they. Same about calling at midnight, stuff like that indicates "more than friendship".

For example, the guy I was friends with and who developed a strong crush on me used to email me until 4 am in the morning, staying awake just for that. I knew he had feelings from way before he confessed them to me.

[Mish]

there's always one half that would jump at the chance if the pants came off, and that's the majority of the reason they're hanging around as a friend.

I think it's a pretty narrow minded observation of men and women. For every one person who would jump at the opportunity if his/her friend's pants came off there are dozens who wouldn't.

[haxan]

So Searock, guess it depends what you mean by close friends. If you have guy friends who will take a call from you at midnight or fly to you if there was an emergency, then they are certainly more than *just* friends.

Excellent point. Most people tend to mix up friendly acquaintances with true friends and just lump them together as 'friends'. The male/female friends issue is one of natures cruel tricks unfortunately.

[haxan]

For every one person who would jump at the opportunity if his/her friend's pants came off there are dozens who wouldn't.

In Utopia, 'maybe'.

[searock]

I think it's a pretty narrow minded observation of men and women. For every one person who would jump at the opportunity if his/her friend's pants came off there are dozens who wouldn't.

This, at least when we consider *true friends*. If we consider friendly acquaintances, the ratio would be about 1-1, IMO.

True friends are those who are there for you when you truly needed them. Those with whom you can share deep, close conversations with. If a guy is *always* there for you, more than a female close friend would be, then he clearly has feelings for you that are beyond "just" friendship.

What can I say: my situation proves that the "rule" according to which *all* males that are friends with females would jump at the opportunity of getting in their pants (and vice-versa) is NOT valid. It may be so in the majority of cases (I personally don't believe it is), but it surely isn't so in ALL cases.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree. What I mean by close friends is being able to talk about anything, including close emotional stuff, with someone. I have at least 2 close guy friends whom I share that type of friendship with, and I know for a fact that they aren't attracted to me. A great part of the emotional stuff we talk about is related to their (and my) love life. Actually, I'm also pretty sure that in case I were in a real emergency situation, and I couldn't contact my family or my boyfriend, they would try to help me - it's just what friends would do. But I would find it weird to call them before my family/boyfriend, and so would they. Same about calling at midnight, stuff like that indicates "more than friendship".

For example, the guy I was friends with and who developed a strong crush on me used to email me until 4 am in the morning, staying awake just for that. I knew he had feelings from way before he confessed them to me.

You seem to be contradicting yourself in this post. My point is that *men who emotionally share with women* tend to have 'more than friends' feelings for them, for the reasons I said. Many women, on the other hand, have no problem e-venting to guys they aren't attracted to. That's not a criticism of women, just a difference in the sexes.

There are always exceptions. But the world operates on generalities. Haxan's point, which I agree with, is that men who tend to share with women in this way very usually do have an attraction for that woman. Which leads me to Mish's comment: certainly many men wouldn't 'jump at the chance' to have sex with a woman friend. But that is different from wanting to. I'm sure there are men who know they love a woman friend but (perhaps b/c she's committed elsewhere) would never have sex with her. Even if given the chance. But the praises of these upstanding guys are rarely sung, b/c they don't create the noisy drama that other men with less integrity create.

To all those men out there, tho, we ladies salute you. You are appreciated and admired. You know who you are. :-)

[searock]

Well, all I can say is that I share close emotional conversations on a regular basis with at least 2 guy friends of mine who aren't attracted to me. It's just the way it is.

I've also had guy friends fall for me, and I've fallen for guy friends of mine (which has taught me to stay well away from friendships with guys I'm attracted to), so I know that it happens and how it happens... it just isn't the case with those 2 guys. An exception to the rule perhaps :-).

[IndiReloaded]

Everyone always wants to believe they are the exception. If you say so Searock. The fact you have *two* on a string makes me think you are in denial about it.

[searock]

They are both in happy relationships... they really aren't attracted to me, I can tell when a guy is. Also, they both have another close female friend (other than myself), whom they aren't attracted to either. Personally, I don't believe that my case is an exception, precisely for the fact that I know about other analogue cases. Maybe it's a cultural thing?

[IndiReloaded]

If they are in happy relationships, why are they emotionally sharing with you? Men don't (again, I'm generalizing here) feel the need to vent to multiple people. Their MO is to find a close, trusted confidant (a woman partner they can trust their vulnerability with) for this kind of thing. Even venting to their male buddies is different; there is a 'pecking order' there that usually prevents too much show of weakness.

What culture are you that you think that might be the reason for the difference? I can't think of any caucasian cultures where this isn't the rule and asian cultures are even more reserved. In fact, that is the reason some men take mistresses (where the wife can't/won't provide this kind of emotional haven).

How old are you, Searock? It could be you just haven't seen enough of this kind of thing to realize what is really happening. BTW, I'm not being proscriptive: these guys feelings are theirs to deal with. Just making sure you aren't blinding yourself to what is likely the real dynamic of your relationship with these 'friends'. IMO there is nothing wrong with having opposite sex friends provided everyone understands the 'rules' of engagement, so to speak.

Here. Pay close attention to 2:10

[Mish]

In Utopia, 'maybe'.

In the real world

I don't know which planet YOU live on

[Mish]

There are always exceptions. But the world operates on generalities. Haxan's point, which I agree with, is that men who tend to share with women in this way very usually do have an attraction for that woman. Which leads me to Mish's comment: certainly many men wouldn't 'jump at the chance' to have sex with a woman friend. But that is different from wanting to. I'm sure there are men who know they love a woman friend but (perhaps b/c she's committed elsewhere) would never have sex with her. Even if given the chance. But the praises of these upstanding guys are rarely sung, b/c they don't create the noisy drama that other men with less integrity create.

I agree with Indi. From my observation in general men have a lot of friends who are women and women have a lot of friends who are men and nothing would ever happen between them simply because they are not attracted to each other. It is possible that at some point in time there may be members of the opposite sex who become attracted to each other and may hook up at some stage, but in comparison to the vast majority of friendships between men and women these are rare events, not the norm. To suggest that every friendship between a man and a woman is only moments away from a sexual encounter is pure nonsense.