totally confused

[Superfantastich]

As some people on here may know two years ago I met the 'perfect man' (I am currently almost 20 he is in his late twenties) and yes besides much drama and disconnection with my family we have been pretty solid as a couple, I would easily say that he is my best friend and put our sex life down as very good. A little over a month ago we moved in together for convenience reasons for university and of course as a couple it was very exciting. We had some small bumps in the road in the beginning (less attention as well as me starting to go out, I have invited him of course but he doesn't seem interested) and I guess things have turned into more of a contentment between us, which I thought was fine we are both super busy with university and anyone will tell you that will happen if you are living together.

Back to the going out thing, the main source of the problem, for the past two years I have literally gone from a girl who is barely 18 and just finishing school to this, Im not complaining my man was always enough the thought of seeing him on the weekend and at uni was always butterfly enduing, but yes the fun times out with girlfriends and going out clubbing has pretty much been non existent and these past few weeks I have and been absolutely loving it!. He doesn't really like when I drink, as he feels I become another person so it has caused some tension but he has never stopped me.

Overall I have been thinking life is pretty good and have been having the best of both worlds but then last Monday I met this guy who is in his early 20s, great job, attractive and we have tonnes in common we talked over a coffee and kept in contact and over the past week but it was what I considered just very friendly and never thought twice about it. On Thursday night a group of friends and myself (inducing this guy) went out clubbing and we had a great time, I was quite tipsy and we kissed and I really liked it, and him...but I still love my boyfriend so incredibly much!! Last night I called my boyfriend up and told him and we are going to try and sort it out today, everyone family member for friend I have talked to in the past 48 hours have said for me this is probably the end of what him and myself have bu I can't bear that thought, I was just wondering what some outsiders thought about this situation...

[Wakeup]

I think you crossed a relationship boundary and he'll now have lost trust in you and in what you have together. I think you are having an emotional affair with your new friend and I think your friends may be right.

I wonder: If you can't bear the thought of what you have ending... then why oh why would you let down your relationship boundaries and allow yourself to become vunlnerable to another man? What is missing in YOU that would let you do that to yourself?

You're very young and to go from highschool to living together and to managing to maintain your relationship so that it is happy and functioning is a hard task in this day and age of having little to no relationship and personal boundaries in place. Why did he not want to accompany you out to have some fun? Not that that is an excuse for you to let down your boundaries, but it is a symptom of why you did (I'd say).

Hopefully you two can work past this but I don't think it is going to be an easy task. If he does forgive you.. make sure you don't accept being chastised and punished indefinately for your mistake. He can't have it both ways. He either forgives you and you work towards the future or he doesn't and you get on with your lives separately.

You CAN get past this if you BOTH want to badly enough. You've learned a lesson and if you don't take one another for granted any longer.

[HeartIsAching]

never thought twice about it.

You should have.

I called my boyfriend up and told him

Why? What were you hoping to accomplish with this?

I think it's time for both of you to move on.

[smackie9]

This is quite normal. You have gone from teenager to an adult where you now have gotten a taste of what freedom has to offer. So why be stuck in a committed relationship when you have your whole youth still in front of you to enjoy different experiences. Relationships will come and go in your life. It's not a sin to just want to move onto a new chapter in your life. If you miss out on this opportunity, you will regret it. I always warn adult men who insist on dating teenage girls....there will be a day when that caged bird will want to fly away and be free.

[pisces25]

Yep I agree with Smackie. I was in the same position as you at that age, as many of us are. Totally broke the guys heart but at the time I felt a desperate need to find out who I was and experience life. It's hard to bear the thought your relationship is over as it's familiar and comfortable to you. But IMO it will be difficult for you guys to overcome this simply coz you are at two different points in life. It's normal and part of life. Just don't cheat on him again, do the right thing and call it off first.

[Superfantastich]

we are currently 'back to normal' and it shocked me how easy he could do it, and I thought this was the best option. Currently I feel slightly depressed considering he is acting totally normal and think you guys may be right... it's just so hard to suddenly say goodbye to your first love who you stupidly planned life around (I moved in about 6 weeks ago).

[pisces25]

It wasn't stupid it was a learning experience. We learn massive lessons from all relationships that fail (and even ones that don't). Just means we know what to do / what not to do next time.

As for him forgiving you perhaps he knows underneath you are young and need to experience these things but loves you too much to let you go completely? OR he has built his life around you too and feels too attached and/or dependent on that now.

Bottom line is keep in touch with how you REALLY feel about things and be completely honest and open with him about what you are feeling, no matter what it is.

[haxan]

It's the beginning or actually pretty close to the end, of the end of this relationship. You'll have a couple more loves that you can't live without before you settle down, I'd guess. Try not to drag it on too long with your current one, it will just make it that more debilitating in the end.

[bulrush]

You are too young to get married, settle down, or even move in together. Your higher reasoning does not develop until about age 25. Please read this article about higher brain function, because it directly affects bad decisions regarding relationships.

"Brain develops until age 25" [url]http://www.hhs.gov/opa/familylife/tech_assistance/etraining/adolescent_brain/Development/prefrontal_cortex/index.html[/url]

Also, the younger you get married, the higher the divorce rate. I believe this is directly related to the higher brain functions being immature before age 25.