Could this be considered harmless?

[flynhayn]

Just curious for some opinions. I'm already looking at this as a fatal red flag, but down for some outside input:

I've been dating this girl for appx. 6 months now, taking it very slow and have not put a label on our "relationship" yet. However, we have recently been getting close to a point where we are sleeping over each other's homes almost every night, inviting each other to a lot more activities, and been regularly having sex. She has sometimes been asking me about the status of our relationship together, but after some discussion, still don't decide on labeling ourselves as "together". However, she has made it a point to remind me that she really likes me and does not want to talk to anyone else.

About a week ago, we both had a night out to ourselves... she went out with her friends, and I went out with mine. Later that night, I picked her up to take her home as she was way too drunk to be out anymore. The next day, she sleeps off most of the time to recover from her hangover, while her phone starts constantly going off with text notifications and missed calls from a number that is not saved in her phone. Irritated with this, I tell her to handle it by responding to them or blocking the notifications. Still out of it, she opens the texts while I am right there.... and they have all been sent from a random guy from the night before that she gave her number to who is wanting to see her again. She quickly reacts by deleting everything. But knowing her, she does not casually give out her phone number to just anyone, which tells me that they must have been chatting, drinking, dancing, etc. for a quite while before she decided to keep in contact.

To be clear, I am NOT mad. We are not officially together so this isn't really out of bounds, but seeing as how close we've been getting recently I am just very confused. I have not made a pursuit towards anyone else, nor have I exchanged numbers with anyone, and she knows this. She kept saying that she has only been interested in me and is not the cheating or lying type because of traumatic experiences in the past (I know this event doesn't count as cheating), but I can't help but think otherwise now. People do come along in your life that you never planned on meeting, good or bad. I also NEVER accept the "oh I was just way too drunk" excuse.

As stated earlier, I have pretty much accepted that she may be looking at other options instead of progressing with us. I am simply wondering if anyone has a different opinion on this matter.

Thoughts?

[pisces25]

To be honest after 6 months of dating I'd be pretty keen to put a label on whatever it is, for that very reason. It causes confusion without it. If you guys have not explicitly stated what the boundaries are then she probably feels like she hasn't violated them. And you are confused because you don't know what the boundaries are either.

If it was me and I was interested in progressing into an exclusive relationship with someone after 6 months I would say so, in order for those 'boundaries' to become more clear. Just talk to her. See how she sees things. It can't hurt.

[haxan]

Ya, at this point it either needs to be exclusive, or it will degenerate into a mess. That was mess #1. Imo, you two need to decide what you want to do; either commit, or make it clear that other people will be seen, romantically.

[jules82]

Honestly....you can't get mad. You never labeled the relationship, and for the most part - girls usually always wait for the guy to ask her out after a while of dating. If she's still keeping her options open and talking to other guys, you really should consider your approach to the situation a little better. I actually had a similar situation myself a few years back - I dated a guy for 6 months....and waited for him to ask me out. Unfortunately it never happened, after months of mind games....therefore I just left my options opened and talked to who I wanted - even though I liked him alot. You can't waste your time waiting on someone to WANT to be with you....if you don't want to make a commitment with her, don't hate the fact that she's talking to who she wants and keeping herself open to newer opportunities to other guys who just might want to make a commitment to her....

[flynhayn]

You're all right... I know we need to make a decision on this.... I guess I forgot to mention the key factor that is making it hard to do that. It is very possible that my career will be making me move away for a few years. Not for good, but for about 3 years or so. If that does happen, I will be out of here at the end of the year. Still a while to go before that, but neither of us want to do long distance if it happens. Its pretty much the main thing holding us back.

It's honestly looking like this may have to end. You guys made a good point.... we've been dating for too long to keep it casual now. I don't know if we should make it official and stay together until I leave, or if I need to just bite the bullet and save more trouble by cutting things off now. Just sucks cause we really like each other.

[steviej]

If you have that attitude throughout life you won't ever do anything!

Make it official, enjoy the next 8 months...who knows where you'll both end up!
Honestly, what a lame reason to not commit, i could understand if it was 2 weeks away, but 8 months!

[smackie9]

No point in making it official. Just keep having sex with her and maybe suggest keeping it as FWB.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I would say just ride it out as is, until you know more certainly if you'll be moving or not. Now that you know how she's playing this whole thing, start chasing other women. You already have your sex fix, so it will be a lot easier to get other girls. With the way she's behaved, she has given you the green light to do whatever you want.

But if you really like her, then I say give her a chance and ask her to make it official, and if she doesn't want to then don't make a big deal out of it. Just start chasing other girls too.

[Cerby]

I'd cut her loose, you don't want the labeled relationship, she is within her bounds to talk to (or do whatever) with anyone else. If you don't see it going past the end of the year, let her find someone who will commit to a relationship with her.