I don't get it

[roygbv]

Ok so I don't have a question about females although I have never had a gf and I'm 25, but that's another issue, although probably closely related.

Anyway, so I'm getting referees organised for job, I called them up to ask them before sending off their details to the employer and they both agreed that they wouldn't mind being my referees. A week has gone by and since the day that I sent off their details and within that time, the employer has contacted them and asked them to fill out some forms I believe however neither of them have completed them and I was called today and was notified of this. I called one of the referees up, and he said, I'll call you back in 10 minutes and he never did, have been waiting by the phone for hours now. I didn't call the other person because I feel like I would be disturbing them and annoying them if I did. I haven't had very much work experience, so in terms of work, these are my only two people who I have actually worked with. So apart from them, I have no idea who else to contact and ask to be my referees. I asked a lecturer once but he said that he only becomes a referee for people who average distinctions. I don't know if that's what he tells all the people and I wouldn't have a way of finding this out, but I'm just frustrated with constantly being asked to do stuff and then running out and doing these things immediately for people whereas when I ask for something as simple as for someone to be my referee, they stand me up. Sure I'm a doormat in my life, I always try to please, always do things to make sure that everyone around me is happy, and people always end up taking advantage of me and people who I thought I could rely upon, with whom I didn't even have any friendly type relationship i.e. purely professional and I thought I worked well enough for them to have no problems with talking about how I was as an employee, and bam, now I don't know what to do. I literally have no one to go to, and I don't even know why these two people haven't carried out their promises. Like seriously, I sometimes think that I'm autistic or something so I can't tell what people think about me. Just pisses me off, I get called up by people to help them with pissy uni assignments because they want to get good marks, but at the same time, I have never got any help from anyone with my assignments, everyone always just pretty much reacted... do it yourself type thing... the fact that people ask me for help indicates to me that people do ask for help sometimes, but whenever I ask for help, I get nothing... no one ever carries out their promises and I don't have the guts or the knowhow to test people around me to find out who I can actually rely on and when.

I know I take a lot of things very literally and I probably ignore the subtle ques too much which indicated how people truly feel, as I said... sometimes I feel like I have autism or something, or maybe I just have such seriously low self esteem that I don't trust my own judgements about people, or I just don't know. I find it really hard to tell how people feel about me, They tell me their opinions verbally, I just usually take that to face value and a lot of the time I am surprised/disappointed with their reactions down the track when I ask for their help sometimes.

I don't get it... am I autistic? Am I just an idiot? Has anyone gone through this kind of thing before and figured it out? I always feel like I'm alone and I feel like I work well enough in groups, but as soon as the activity is over, I have no further interest to interact with people because I don't trust anyone. It's always surprising to me when people call me and ask me to go places with them, sure it doesn't happen very frequently, but when it does, I'm surprised and always suspicious and at each stage of the interaction, I am always running through my head, are they trying to trick me? Are they just going to leave me here by myself any minute? Are they here to embarrass me somehow? At no point do I genuinely enjoy the social interaction, at no point do I relax and at no point do I feel comfortable in knowing what the person is thinking at any given moment about me.

I'm just sick of being alone both without a gf but also without a sense of having friends or people around me who I can rely on... everyone to me seems like they just stand you up on a consistent basis. Just pisses me off and I'm sick of this.

[smackie9]

You say you are going to uni? They do provide free counseling for students. Seeking out a therapist to make a proper diagnosis would be good a start.

[roygbv]

Completed uni a while back.

[smackie9]

You are right you could possibly have a mild form of autism but that should be diagnosed by a doctor before you jump to any conclusions. There's also social anxiety, OCD, aspergers, or even food alergies that can alter your state of mind.....

I'm not a therapist, and it seems you are stuck and confused, so maybe seeking out a professional might be the best option for you for now so you can get to the bottom of this. We can make guesses, but I feel that will only aggervate your situation rather than being helpful.