G/f pressuring me to get married

[bcgirl]

do you know how many men come on here because of divorce and they said that they felt "pressured in the first place to marry". If you aren't 110% ready for marriage with this woman....plain and simply DON'T marry her. It's your choice! It's your life! Marriage does not make a relationship better.
Yes, from a woman's perspective they want "security". She is 34 yrs old and she ain't that young anymore. At her age, society "expects" her to get married, settled down and start having kids. I think she see's that in you....someone safe and good that she can just settle down with....but i don't think she is totally in love with you or has total respect for you. I think she pretty much just "settled" due to her age. She has a laundry list of issues she has with you beginning with your job, your apartment, your eating habits. Wait until marriage....that laundry list will quadruple. If you give in to her demands of marriage.... you will forever be the one wrapped around her tiny finger. She'll be wearing the pants in this relationship. Thank goodness you broke it off with her, hopefully you won't get back with her. She's desperate, she'll find another boyfriend in no time who she will try to mold for marriage

[sadie_genie]

This is why women should get their shit together and get married before 30. That way she doesn't have to be in this situation when she is 35.

[sillybuttsam]

I want to once again thank everyone for their support in this forum

[sillybuttsam]

do you know how many men come on here because of divorce and they said that they felt "pressured in the first place to marry". If you aren't 110% ready for marriage with this woman....plain and simply DON'T marry her. It's your choice! It's your life! Marriage does not make a relationship better.
Yes, from a woman's perspective they want "security". She is 34 yrs old and she ain't that young anymore. At her age, society "expects" her to get married, settled down and start having kids. I think she see's that in you....someone safe and good that she can just settle down with....but i don't think she is totally in love with you or has total respect for you. I think she pretty much just "settled" due to her age. She has a laundry list of issues she has with you beginning with your job, your apartment, your eating habits. Wait until marriage....that laundry list will quadruple. If you give in to her demands of marriage.... you will forever be the one wrapped around her tiny finger. She'll be wearing the pants in this relationship. Thank goodness you broke it off with her, hopefully you won't get back with her. She's desperate, she'll find another boyfriend in no time who she will try to mold for marriage

^^^
All true, all happened.

Hate to post, but I feel like venting, not at this particular situation more so than the nature of myself and knowing that I've settled on women who weren't worth a crap, and that I know that in order to break this cycle I have to change. Like Einstein once said, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Again... I'll say thank you to everyone here. She got around my phone number block and blasted me with a bunch of angry texts this afternoon I'm assuming through a web-based SMS service (since it came in from one of those numbers that starts with 11) to "say her peace", throwing accusations at me, flipping emotionally from one extreme to another, has already found a new victim *ahem* excuse me boyfriend, hurled a ton of insults at me, told me a piece of her would always love me but I broke it off with her and she can't go back to me and blah blah blah.

My folly was to actually respond and try to justify myself, and get played into her crazy anger games that she put out there just so that she could feel better about herself. Can't blame myself forever that one, just another life lesson that when it's time to cut ties, cut ALL ties no matter what.

Anyone here had a familiar experience before?

Seems like every woman I date wants to cause a lot of hell in the mutual places we go, after all in this particular case, I was the one who brought her to the karaoke place (and now I'm not going to be going back there on account of the ensuing drama), and then wants to call me a week later to "talk" whether that's wanting to get back with me or whether it's in this case just trying to childishly attempt to make me feel butthurt for actually wanting to be happy in life with someone who loves and appreciates me for who I am. She very clearly could not accept me as is and encourage me in a positive way to make changes, it was always ultimatums and absolutes with her, and only a sith deals in absolutes lol.

Anyway I told her thanks for saving me from buying her a $4500 ring she'd run off with (she ran off with the $500 promise ring surprise surprise surprise), clearly she needs the money more than I do so I figure it's just another expensive lesson in my life, and to please go and be someone else's problem.

I'm usually such a calm and passive guy but if I'm dealing with an extremely angry crazy person yeah it escalates my anger. Like you all said, this chick is desperate and has already in another something like two weeks has a new "boyfriend" that she's "cooking for" (which is something she told me she only does for people who are special to her)... she expects me to be jealous over this all but the only thing resonating in my head is "poor guy, she's your problem now"... especially since she obviously has had all this resentment built up enough over two weeks to text me when she should have already moved on the road to happiness with this new guy (actually what SMART people do is take some time before jumping right into the next relationship but I suppose that's my opinion on the matter).

For myself, was I a bit unhappy with how things turned out? Sure, I wanted things to work out but she just couldn't get a hold on her continual void of unhappiness and demands. Had the thought crossed my head of angrily letting her know all of my feelings about the relationship? Sure. Did I act on it though? No. Thankfully for me I've got parents who've been together 40 years who've said things like just let it go, there's no need to justify myself here, just let it go, then today happens, and what do I do? Defend myself when attacked, instead of just letting go.

This has all been a big wake-up call to me to not concern myself so much with dating right now in my life. The truth is, I've been getting along just fine for 32 almost 33 years without ever having been married. Is another woman what I really need? Every woman I date tries to establish themselves that I "need" them for something but that need is only superficial at best, it's not a specific need of survival per say, it's kind of sad now that I think about it. Sure, there are some things I could do better. I'm already hiring a maid to come once every two weeks to do all the menial chores at my place so I can spend more time on my creative pursuits. I've saved myself some money by going out to eat some nights with my folks and give them some company. I've become more dedicated to my career path. All in all I see positive lessons gained from this relationship. I can take the good and the bad from relationships, it troubles me though when others can't, but I guess I realize I can't control how others think no matter how irrational they may seem.

My rational side tells me that this is not the last I've seen of her. Well, hopefully it is, but we'll just have to see. It's going to take me some more willpower just to ignore her and not try to get the last word, therein lies my ultimate weakness in just being able to truly let go even when attacked. I have a feeling when she's done with this current "boyfriend" she'll either come around for another round of complaining or she'll move on like any typical chick with what's apparent to me as a clear case of histrionic personality disorder would do. Perhaps she may have been seeing or talking to this guy while we were still dating, which would again be a clear reason for me to be thankful that I didn't get roped into a marriage with her.

Your thoughts? Words of encourage to reiterate that I've been dealing with a crazy situation help. Through education perhaps I'll learn the signs better upfront to get far the hell away from relationships like this before they get too intense. Perhaps it may not even be my place to date and this is God's way of telling me to fulfill my destiny in my creative pursuits and that a relationship will only hold me back in the end from achieving all that I want to achieve in life as so many people do.

After all, if I want to be in a relationship with someone, it's because I WANT to be in a relationship with them, rather than need to. It's too bad more people don't have this view, I blame sociological and biological norms for that one.

It's like they say.....

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

Your thoughts?

[IndiReloaded]

Hey Sam - Here's a word of advice for the future: normal women do not demand "promise rings". In fact, promise rings are a relic of 1950s high school, and at 34, she should have been far too grown up for such childish things.

You only knew her a few months, and you are not obligated to marry ANYONE because their biological clock is ticking, and you are absolutely correct about needing to be financially secure and emotionally grounded before marrying.

Find yourself a grown woman, and don't be bullied into buying or doing ridiculous things.

Dammit! We need the THX button! Can someone give her rep for this? I've apparently not been whoring my rep points around enough.

[sillybuttsam]

Dammit! We need the THX button! Can someone give her rep for this? I've apparently not been whoring my rep points around enough.

How do I give rep points? I'll gladly give some.

[thiudiskr]

I had an experience like yours before. You did the right thing - avoid contact at all costs. Don't bother responding to her confrontations.

[IndiReloaded]

How do I give rep points? I'll gladly give some.

Its in the lower left grey bar of a post. Looks like a sunburst.

[sillybuttsam]

Its in the lower left grey bar of a post. Looks like a sunburst.

The love has been spread lol

[misombra]

I had a similar situation with a guy i dated a long time ago. He threw a manor cow when i broke up with him. I tried talking to him rationally but it wasnt happening. Its much easier that way i think. Its harder when theyre to break up with someone who is nice and didnt do anything wrong.

You did the right thing. Move on and choose wisely. Good love is hard to find.

[misombra]

Btw its an iphone keyboard that makes me seem illiterate.

[vashti]

Btw its an iphone keyboard that makes me seem illiterate.

I was noticing that the first letter of all your sentences are capitalized, but I just figured Mikey hacked you. Now I know it's the phone!

[sillybuttsam]

I had a similar situation with a guy i dated a long time ago. He threw a manor cow when i broke up with him. I tried talking to him rationally but it wasnt happening. Its much easier that way i think. Its harder when theyre to break up with someone who is nice and didnt do anything wrong.

You did the right thing. Move on and choose wisely. Good love is hard to find.

Damn straight it is. You just can't be with someone who is always on the attack and expect things to work.

[misombra]

I was noticing that the first letter of all your sentences are capitalized, but I just figured Mikey hacked you. Now I know it's the phone!

I hate this phone. Im dumping it ASAP.

[IndiReloaded]

Btw its an iphone keyboard that makes me seem illiterate.

They're terrible. I never text and that's part of the reason. I can barely use the keyboard on my iPad and its almost the same size as a regular keyboard. Something about the lack of tactile feedback from the glass that doesn't work for me.

And before anyone says, yes I also have a BT keyboard. But its a pain to take in addition to the iPad, I can barely keep track of that.