...and the beat goes on...

[MrFadedGlory]

Hello everyone,

I don't usually do forums, but I figured I've got nothing to lose giving this a shot.

I'm a 30 year old guy who hasn't had a whole lot of luck in love, let alone life. I'm not trying to sound dramatic or self-centered, these are my experiences as I've experienced them.

I have been in a lot of relationships. Most of them have ended badly, including the one I'm in now that I've been in for roughly the past two years which is now fizzling out (or going down in flames depending how you look at it).

As I said above, I've been in a lot of relationships. Out of all those relationships, I was engaged once. It was one of the most psychologically damaging experiences when she cheated on me with a mutual (now former) friend and left me for him (which is another story altogether I don't know yet whether I want to get in to it here).

But that was six or seven years ago, now I'm still somewhat involved with someone (that, as I mentioned is fizzling out) who started off really really great. The family likes her and all and we had big plans for the future. Hindsight being 20/20, there were things in the beginning that I should have realized would have been trouble. There was always something of an awkwardness about her- she could never tell me what was on her mind without prying (I can't be the only person out there who has the following exchange on a daily basis "What's wrong honey?" "nothing" "bullcookies...what's wrong?" .... wash, rinse, repeat for days until it turns out she's angry at you for not parting your hair right or something).

I'm not a bad person, at least that's what I tell myself. I feel really bad about the way things turned out with this current relationship though. Between living an hour away from her, I have a ton of stress in my life thanks to work (I work full time and run my own company as well), and a couple health problems (three herniated disks in my back- I'm on pain management) I am completely drained of time as well as emotion. I tried very hard to be supportive when she had problems and such, but after ten years of shitty prior relationships and no time left to barely even sleep, I have a really hard time doing that- especially when I get no encouragement or support (the response to starting my own company was "That's nice", or when I have a rough day at work and need to vent I'm just "whining")

The real kicker is that our love life was never lacking, but when I had to go on pain management , the pain medications make getting things going very difficult (not to mention the clinical depression amplified by the pain drugs). That's when it really began to fizzle. I feel like she wants Superman (not just in the bedroom) and I just can't do it anymore.

I guess ultimately tired of every relationship I've ever been in requiring me to be Superman/Knight in Shining Armor/The Messiah. Maybe it's me, I don't know but that's how it always seems to end up. I can't deal with all these unrealistic standards, no support, all work, no sleep, and no fun.

I'm thinking its time to put away my toys and go home in terms of relationships because I don't know what I can do to make anyone happy.

This really did turn into a vent, sorry. I'll get off my soapbox now.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't focus on what you can do to make anyone happy, and focus on what makes you happy. That's probably a big chunk of why you feel so drained. Dump this girl, and focus on yourself and your business.

[MrFadedGlory]

You're probably right, BackUp. Now all I have to figure out is how I'm going to do this. Last time we broke up she decided to "investigate" our breakup by going behind my back and asking friends and family why I did it and basically not letting go.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't worry about how she handles it. Tell that she's selfish and and not supportive, and you're tired of doing all the work. Tell her not to contact you, as you've already broken up once, and getting back together didn't change anything, and now you want to try and find someone better for you. Yes, use the work 'better'. Cut her off completely and start spending time on yourself.

[couchpotato]

You deserve so much better than this!! Now it is time for yourself.You wont be able to count on her when things might get tough.Get yourself a better partner,not all women are like this, just the ungrateful and selfish ones.
If you need to vent,come over here,plenty of encouragement...sure you can aslo PM.
If I were you, I would hit the NEXT button.
I can go along with crazy ones but once I got clear no support I am out.
Think about yourself!
My heart goes to you for the pain management.Better times ahead, I promise you.

[MrFadedGlory]

I really appreciate the sentiments- thank you. Believe it or not this is the most encouragement I've had for months in any form. I really do hope better times are ahead because I don't know how I can keep up with the pace I'm at, especially with all this physical pain I have (plus I was just diagnosed yesterday with spinal arthritis so things just keep getting better and better) :-/

[couchpotato]

You dont need to go through this alone, and you can always PM me if you need to vent.
Spinal arthritis, pain management, selfish woman...come on, BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that should be your mind-set...always!).
Some years ago I went through some of the worse crap a man could possibly go through.Really filthy.I was laughing about it cause I knew I will be able to endure whatever comes along but death.
So yeah, BRING IT ON!!!! Is this, is that ? Let it come my way!! Is that all you got ? Cause I can handle more.
Heads up!

[Wakeup]

I guess ultimately tired of every relationship I've ever been in requiring me to be Superman/Knight in Shining Armor/The Messiah. Maybe it's me,

"Every" relationship this same thing happens to you? That would indicate that you're not paying attention and you're not very discerning in who you choose as a partner or; it is you ~ one or the other.

When you are married you vow to remain together in sickness and in health but when you've not vowed that to one another and when things get rough, it's just too easy to walk away or to nag for what you need to keep you happy. You have pain management to focus on and unfortunately the side effects of your drug of choice are causing negative consequences in your relationship. Do you do rehabilitation? Have you tried other non-medicinal techniques for pain that wouldn't affect your libido or have you looked in to positions that are best for your condition?

I agree that you don't need to go through this and you can break up with her if you think she's of no value to you. Just make it so you don't go back to her by blocking and deleting her from means of contact and advising your family and friends not to entertain her issues. You also need to stop being an enabler and learn to distance yourself from what you perceive to be 'takers' instead of continuing on with them.

I tried very hard to be supportive when she had problems and such, but after ten years of shitty prior relationships

You are what you eat, afterall. Why do ALL your relationships turn out "shitty?"

[vashti]

Pain management patient at age 30?

No offense, but I would be more worried about what SHE has been having to tolerate, and what HER life will look like in 10 years if she stays.

I think you should look for some non-narcotic remedies for your pain.