Is he still mad at me?

[amazinglyshik]

Hi,

This is complicated but will try and keep it as brief as possible.

I am yearning and hurting for a man who I had known for some time. He was my ex-landlord called Andy and I had always kept things professional between us so that things didn't get complicated. We did a lot of flirting that almost took on a more intimate nature before I left the property I rented. I owed him some rent of a few months as was struggling and could not tell him this as was mortally embarrassed by it and didn't want to appear more vulnerable than I already felt.

However, matters were complicated between us because there was a burning attraction on both parts, and he actively pursued me for an intimate kind of relationship during the time I lived at the rented house towards the last few months before I left. (he didn't directly) tell me how he felt, just followed me in his van, tried to get his male friends to initiate interest in me because he was too scared/shy himself. We had a great rapport as friends because we had known each other a good while and so it wasn't the case that he was just my landlord (it was a lot more complex) yet not sexual as I was too fearful of responding or making any moves on him even though he was giving me the signals to do so. I don't suffer fools gladly as they say, and very choosy about men - I wanted him to know that by
not getting involved romantically, I was letting him know that I have a strong dignity and moral values.

We had a very unique and strong bond over time, my feelings for him were not revealed until after I had left his property. He was married with kids, yet has had women in and out of his life and so not settled as a man, and possibly seeking commitment with someone he could 'click' - I got the impression that he had been forced into many relationships in his past because he was and is a magnet for women and felt that he had to live up to that reputation?

I didn't allow myself or him to initiate a sexual/intimate relationship because I wanted him to know I wasn't an easy catch - It takes a lot for a man to prove his commitment to me before I give myself.

Anyway, when I suddenly walked out without him knowing, he was enraged that I had not paid him his rent (obviously) yet he had often left me with no hot water, faulty electricity and
dodgy increases in rent without explanation in the past. It was out of character for me, as I was always being nice and compliant, so the shock of my leaving was also the other issue for him.
I agreed to meet with him to give some of him the rent after I left, he did not tun up and did not answer my texts/calls to try and resolve it. He told me that I broke his trust at the time - this
did not sound as if he was just mad about the rent.

I wrote and sent him a letter to his business address and layed my cards on the table about how I really felt about him. He didn't have my address so couldn't respond.

It is now a good six years since all this happened! - Time does heal things or so they say?

To continue:

I bumped into him in my local super-market two years ago and he gave me a terrible stare (almost evil) and it hit me hard as I still had feelings for him. Now I am seeing him virtually all the time I leave my flat and he seems to be hanging around the area even though he lives a few villages away from me.

The last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago and we past each other on the street. I smiled at him because I still care for him and still very attracted to him, he beamed back but looking at the ground whilst doing it. He then turned back on himself to go in my direction as if wanting to catch up with me, but got in his car. I quickly tuned a corner waiting for him to go away as did not want him to think I was going to make any first moves to talk to him in case I was wrong about his intentions. Then a week later, I saw him by the same spot and I felt someone looking in my direction - it was him and he was looking at me but quickly turned away as soon as he noticed me doing it.

One of his male friends has also suddenly been making an appearance in the village - I knew him well as he was my previous landlord before the one above, but got on well as friends. He has tried saying hi to me, but because I don't know what his intentions are, confuses the entire situation for me and have ignored/buffed him - he is not happy about this as his expression says it all.

Now:

I had long had feelings about Andy before the rent situation six years ago, I think about him tirelessly and because things had ended so abruptly, kills me inside that he might still hold things against me, despite what feelings he ever had. I don't know how feels about me now? - I would like to know so that I can get past this and draw closure, yet his presence tells me that he is definitely wanting something from me (whether past owed money) or consolidation of his attraction towards me that also ended abruptdly?

There is definitely a pull between us whatever it is, but I think he is afraid of his feelings for me (if they do still exist). I wouldn't think it would be in his interests after a good six years to pursue me for the old rent, as he could have met with me back then and he didn't. I am positive that he has moved on from this, but has realised that our past connection/bond and strong and unique attraction has never left him either.

I need some help deciphering this situation - I don't know what I should do or if I should do anything at all?. It is not your everday typical heart-break scenario and what I had/have with Andy is quite difficult to de-code. I love him for reasons even I don't know, yet I don't think he had ever been rejected by a woman before me because he is a very hot man - very good looking and also a popular woman's man - This is the longest attraction he has ever had to live with and not do anything about - if it is the case he is making his presence known to me?

Thanks for reading this and greatly appreciate your insights.