The end of my first relationship

[St Force]

Hello everyone. My name is Jack, I’m from the UK and I am 18 years old.

I have broken up with my first ever girlfriend. It hurts so much. I can’t stop thinking about her or what we did. It’s a really long story so let me explain.

We met on Skype when I was having a rant about how lonely I was and how I feared no girls would ever like me. I did not have many friends as a child so I made my own. I spent most of my childhood writing stories. (I have two published online and counting) She saw the rant I made and felt sorry for me. We started to talk. A few weeks in I was speaking to her when I had a phone call that my gran had gone into hospitable for an operation on her eye. I cried on camera but quickly turned it off. She saw me and sent a text saying she really liked me. Things were awkward for the next three days between us. When mum was out we were talking on camera and we talked about kissing and what I thought it was like and what she said it was like. (she has done it before) I started to get upset because I felt really uncomfortable. She then said…

“Oh Jack… I think I love you.”

I spent the next hour and a half jumping around the house screaming “Oh my god!” It was the best day of my life.

You might have noticed the problem here already. We have only spoken on Skype and face book. The reason? She lived in the middle of France. I live in London. This is the reason no one apart from family know about my relationship with her. They wouldn't understand or take us seriously. Her family brought and moved into Summerset which is perfect because I have to go through summerset to visit my dad who lives in Cornwall. I spoke to her mum and we all agreed I could go to their new house when they were settled in. Next problem. I was 18 and she was 16. I did not pressure her into doing anything she did not want too. She said what she wanted and did not want and I only did what we were both comfortable with.

Months came and went. A date was set and we had all parent’s permission. Our relationship developed and we started sexting. (sending pictures of yourself naked) I’m not going into detail here but I never felt this confident before and neither did she. We did some other naughty stuff too but again you don’t need details. I’ll try and keep this clean. Then the day came. I took the train from my dad’s to hers for the first meet up. When I saw her in the waiting room she looked right through me and almost fainted. The drive back to her house and the first meal alone was awkward (Her dad owns a takeaway) We were left to chat and watch a DVD together in the front room.

We had talked about kissing before. I was really nervous about it because it was my first kiss and I didn’t want to do it wrong. She said all the right things, it is natural and will just happen. She was so shy but I felt really good until I noticed how bad she felt. Then I said don’t do it if you don’t want too. We sat down and watched the DVD she got me for Valentine ’s Day. We held hands. Then we snuggled. Then we kissed.

She kissed me and I was too stunned to kiss her back. I started shaking. She kissed me again. She said she had been dreaming of the moment for a long time. We did some other stuff that we had always talked about doing. It lasted hours two DVD’s worth of time. Then she gave me a quick tour around the town and then we had dinner and went back to the station. We kissed goodbye on the station platform as the train drew in. I waved goodbye with tears in my eyes. It was the last time we ever met.

Shortly afterwards I arrived home in London she sent me a text saying she was breaking up with me. I cried on the phone and she said sorry at once. Our relationship was strained after that. It was clear she had fallen out of love but I was still head over hills for her. She broke up with me via text. Now, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. She is an amazing girl and has her whole life ahead of her as do I. We knew it was going to happen and it was never going to last. I don’t want to bog her down. She is a fantastic woman and should live her life to the full. It still hurts though about 2 months afterwards. We were together for about 5 or 6…

She had another boy that worked down the road from her. He was there for her when I couldn’t be. Then she fancied another boy that worked in the stables where her horses lived. (she has horses, mega cool right?) Then she got back together with her ex boy friend from France. They have the relationship we used to have on Skype. I wouldn’t pretend I’m not heartbroken and jealous. I am. Getting back with her is impossible and it would only end with more pain. What I want to know is how I can stop thinking about our kiss and what we did. I keep thinking about it, I’m haunted by the memory. Its bitter sweet. I want to move on but at the same time I don’t because I still love her. I need to move on but I can’t.

I have my exams for my A levels coming up but I can’t focus. I need to stop thinking about her but I can’t! They say time heals all wounds… how true is this? How can I move on? please keep in mind this is my first ever relationship and I am a very emotional person. I understand that it is a bad idea to talk after a breakup. We have only texted a couple of times. We skyped for half an hour as well but nothing happened.

Thank you for your help,

Jack

[dem862]

Hi Jack. You are heartbroken about the loss of your girlfriend. It is normal to grieve after the loss of something so precious to you. But have faith another girl will come along and your feelings will be even deeper for her. There is so much more in store for you. This was a wonderful experience for you. Now you know what it is like to kiss someone you really care for. You also know you are capable of deep feelings and how much it can hurt. This is all part of growing up and being alive. Congratulations. Now let go of the past and get on with the future. Every day brings you closer to your next real relationship. She is not the only one who can make you feel this way, just the first. Let yourself grieve the loss. Set some time to grieve every day and cry if you need to. It will get easier. Also, most girls that young are not ready for a long-term thing. Next time keep it light and fun.

[Fru]

Time will help, just give it a chance. I know how hard it is to concentrate on school when your mind is in this state, but just do your best. Try to put her out of your mind (sounds impossible, but just try) and focus on yourself. You shouldn't need a girl by your side in order to feel complete ... try and focus on being the best person you can be, on your own.

I hope you start to feel better soon!

[St Force]

You shouldn't need a girl by your side in order to feel complete ... try and focus on being the best person you can be, on your own.

I hope you start to feel better soon!

Like I said I never had many friends as a kid so I made my own. I wrote about them. Its a bit sad really but there you go. I'm still lonely now, I just write my stories at break and lunch and I'm aged 18! When I was with her I really didn't know how I ever coped without her. I was so happy because I made her happy which made me happy. I had purpose. One of the reasons I fell in love with her was because she cared about me, she bothered to give me a second glance and was interested in me. Now I just feel empty.

I think that as a person I need to make other people happy to be happy myself. I can't tell jokes, I don't have much talent so what I do is write and make people happy via my stories. For those few minutes I control their emotions, I can shock them, make them cry and make them laugh. My girlfriend is happy or so she has told me. I'm not. It takes me ages to write a story.

How long am I allowed to grieve for? How long before it becomes pathetic? She only grieved for a few days before moving on. Lucky her.

[Fru]

Well, apparently she didn't care as much about the relationship as you did. No one can tell you how long to grieve for, I think it's different for everyone ... as long as you're trying to continue with your life you are progressing and getting through it, even if it doesn't feel like it.

Making others happy is a worthy goal in life, but sometimes I think you need to focus on yourself too. You can't always count on others to return the favor and make you happy in turn, because, well, as we both know, some people just stop caring and there's nothing you can do about it. Make sure you still have a sense of self, a sense of who you are and what you stand for.

Maybe this is a chance to get to know yourself better, to find your talents and grow into a stronger person.

Basically, what I'm saying is that we should all have a purpose other than fulfilling another person's happiness. Maybe that's part of it sometimes, part of our goals and actions ... but it shouldn't become all of it. I was slipping into that trap with my relationship too: focusing so much on this person's happiness that I almost lost sight of my own standards. Luckily for me, I have always been an artist, and I had my art to fall back on and re-focus on. I know most people don't have one singular driving passion, like art, or music, or cooking or interpretive dance or astronomy or whatever ... but try to find those things that you enjoyed or had some interest in, and get yourself involved more in them. You might discover a new purpose.