Complicated Crush Situation

[shielagurly]

I'm currently studying abroad, and there's a boy I go to University with who is here with me. We're in this country until May, and there are two others in our program as well as plenty of other international students around.

We spend a LOT of time alone together. Going to movies, having dinner, visiting cafes, dancing in discotecas, reading in parks. More time alone together than we spend alone with anyone else. We always end up talking about all sorts of things: politics, religion, science, the universe, love, family, music, books, etc. I love these moments, I love when I get him to laugh, and I really think I'm falling for this guy.

At the moment though, I know for a fact he only thinks of me as a friend, and he went through a rough breakup. He called things off with his girlfriend in September, but the "ex" title wasn't really clear until November, so it's safe to say they broke up about 3-4 months ago. She hasn't exactly handled things the best and will still talk to him and get jealous. He thinks he sucks at relationships now and has told me he doesn't want one for awhile.

He asked a friend of mine about my feelings for him, and he told her that he only thought of me as a friend and that he didn't want a girlfriend while he was abroad. The only answer she gave him was that she knew I don't want a relationship while I'm here either (which is true, I would be more interested in something back home). This exchange happened before I noticed we were still spending a significant amount of time together. I don't want to read into it. I'm not going to question his feelings and make up elaborate stories about maybe he really DOES like more than friend, but he doesn't want to do anything about it right now. For the most part I just decided to enjoy the moments we have alone together and accept the fact that he doesn't want to be more than friends. Just be patient, I guess? I'd rather be his friend than nothing, but sometimes when we're together I just want to ask him why he won't give us a chance.

I suppose I was wondering if anyone has dealt with a similar situation or if anyone has any further ideas for how to handle this.

[miffy]

Just to make sure, you're not by any chance from the US and staying for four months?

But to your question, I think you answered it for yourself already. You seem to feel comfortable and enjoying his company as it is, without getting too serious. If you feel that you simply have to try for more, then by all means go for it. Since you seem to have a good and open connection going with each other, you could probably talk about it honestly and work things out even if it doesn't happen for you. Weigh the consequences against what you're seeking to gain from engaging him in more than friendship. I think you're already doing that. I think you might want to go for it and ask him at some point, since that seems to be the general tone of your post. You're just scared of the consequences. You'll have to accept that and decide for yourself whether it's worth it or not.

[dj454]

Haha Miffy I was thinking exactly the same thing.

[shielagurly]

Haha, I am indeed from the states and here for four months. And I know we're going to have to talk about it at some point. What do you think would be the best time to do it? I was originally going to say something before we went home for the summer, but then I was thinking I should maybe wait until we're back at school in the fall. We're only a 30 min drive from each other during the summer. It's just an extra three months, but maybe we should talk about it first and let him think it over? Or... Gah, I don't know. I don't know when to say anything.

[miffy]

I'd tell him before you leave for your breaks, being apart will give him and you both some good time to reflect on what you talked about, and not being too far apart from each other will prove useful if you both decide you want to go for it. If you wait until fall you might find he's unavailable after meeting someone else and you not having told him. If you want to give it a try, I'd be honest and act soon. If you decide against it and settle on a friendship, don't say anything.

And now I will go check that other thread just to make sure, because this would be really funny...

[shielagurly]

Hahaha, I just looked at the other thread. I'm in Spain right now, not England, but the real kicker is that the guy I like is named Josh! What a coincidence.

Thanks for your advice!