What should I do? We were in love but her parents.

[jh0nathang35]

I was in a interracial relationship for 6 months, it seemed longer because we started off having a crush on each other throughout the office. And even though she left the company, we were still together. Within 1 month of the relationship she already told me I was the best she ever had and the greatest guy she has ever been with. There is only one problem, due to me being a Filipino American and she is white her mom is not completely OK with it. I told her if I'm invited to the house just keep bringing me over and she will get to see me as a person. Her mom was also concerned because I don't come from a rich town like her, however I am working a full-time job as a Desktop Analyst making 50,000k a year at 26yrs old. She is 22 yrs old finishing up her last semester in college.

From month 2-6 things were going great, I was taking her to football games, theme parks, concerts, dinners, Broadway shows. We were having a blasts! I was even invited to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and Her Birthday with her family. We thought everything was going well, and we fell in love more and more. We admitted to each other that we were in love after 2 months. We just clicked so well, and always had smiling faces every time we saw each other. Then one night her mom told her about the hard-ships of raising interracial children. Which I don't believe is that bad because we live in Northern NJ, where there are a lot of different cultures in the area.

She decided to listen to her mom and break-up with me before it's too late. She was a mama's girl her whole life and always listened to her mom. I knew she didn't want to do it because she even cried when she did it. She told me her parents were always involved in all the decisions she made in her life. She had guys before who met her mom's check list and they were nothing close to me. She even gave me back my Christmas present to her.

It's been Tuesday 01/24/2012 since we broke up and I still can't get my mind off her. I know she is miserable inside and I know she still loves me.

It's so hard to let go, I haven't texted her or e-mailed her since the break up. I just don't know if this is it or not. We shared soo many good times together and she even told me she is surprised how great of a guy I am considering where I came from.

[searock]

she even told me she is surprised how great of a guy I am considering where I came from.

Racist much??

Look, she is an adult, her mother can tell her anything she wants but your ex-gf is more than capable of taking her own decisions. *She* decided to break up with you, based on an absurd reason. The fact that she was crying doesn't mean that she didn't want to do it. Maybe it just made her sad (as is normal in any break-up), but she still wanted to do it. Otherwise, she wouldn't have. I have a feeling you are better off without her.

[bcgirl]

this is a huge problem in society. If your girlfriend doesn't break the racism now, she will also be brainwashed to think racism. As you can see racism does get passed on from generation. I come from two totally diverse cultures, i'm the product of an interracial relationship and i turned out wonderfully. I'm so proud of my mixed background and believe i have more cultural awareness than most other people because of my different background. And another bonus is that mixed children most likely will turn out better looking. The world is a great place filled with different people of all sorts of cultures and colors, it's so narrow and closed minded to be racist.

[Boisdevie]

Sad to say she didn't love you enough to tell her mum to stop running her love life did she. Hard but how to disagree with that. Yep, some cultures are racist and the only way to challenge racism, sexism, homophobia etc is to not give in and ignore such stupid opinions. Obviously your ex GF was not prepared to do this.

[Wakeup]

this is a huge problem in society. If your girlfriend doesn't break the racism now, she will also be brainwashed to think racism. As you can see racism does get passed on from generation. I come from two totally diverse cultures, i'm the product of an interracial relationship and i turned out wonderfully. I'm so proud of my mixed background and believe i have more cultural awareness than most other people because of my different background. And another bonus is that mixed children most likely will turn out better looking. The world is a great place filled with different people of all sorts of cultures and colors, it's so narrow and closed minded to be racist.

And another bonus is that mixed children most likely will turn out better looking.

What a silly generalization.

The world is a great place filled with different people of all sorts of cultures and colors, it's so narrow and closed minded to be racist.

I'm wondering why you don't think asking if a posters family is "white trash hicks" is not being racist or at the very least a racist comment/attitude?

Sorry, I just had to point that out. The self-righteousness of your post was just too much to go unchallenged.

[gigigi]

i feel like her comment about you being a great guy "considering where you come from" reveals that she has a condescending attitude towards you and doesn't respect you as a person. this is something that would end up destroying the relationship in the end no matter what. it's really sad that there are still people who think like that in this day and age, but there are many girls of all races out there who aren't like that, and you will find someone who truly appreciates you as a person and doesn't make your race an issue.

[Red Apollo]

All the racism stuff aside, she broke up with you because her mom wanted her to. At her age, she should be able to choose for herself. If she can't even choose who she loves and spends the rest of her life with on her own, then I think you can probably do better. Maybe I just enjoy independent women, or maybe it was because of my own upbringing, but if a girl I loved broke up with me for that reason I wouldn't even want to see her again.

Also, don't let yourself believe the "I can tell she didn't want to" routine. If she didn't want to, she wouldn't have. I'm sure she'll find some nice guy her mother hand picks for her.

[Incognito]

All the racism stuff aside, she broke up with you because her mom wanted her to. At her age, she should be able to choose for herself. If she can't even choose who she loves and spends the rest of her life with on her own, then I think you can probably do better. Maybe I just enjoy independent women, or maybe it was because of my own upbringing, but if a girl I loved broke up with me for that reason I wouldn't even want to see her again.

Also, don't let yourself believe the "I can tell she didn't want to" routine. If she didn't want to, she wouldn't have. I'm sure she'll find some nice guy her mother hand picks for her.

I agree with this 100%. Let's say that for some reason her mom allowed you two to be together, get married and so on. It sounds to me that your ex is so weak minded that you'd be constantly battling with her mom over thing in your own household. In other words you'd be married to her and her mom, and she would probably defer to her mom on matters before you.

If your making 50k at 26 years old you can do better than a weak minded, racist, momma's girl. Oh and just so you know I am multi racial, and there is only a problem for the children if racism exists within the family or if you are in a overtly racist living area.

[bcgirl]

I'm wondering why you don't think asking if a posters family is "white trash hicks" is not being racist or at the very least a racist comment/attitude?

well white trash hicks in the sterotypical term is nothing to be proud of. Yes, it's a form of racism, but noone should be proud of living in trailer parks, having babies from 10 different dads and f*cking your brother and your uncle. White trash hicks are a problem in society and they should stop interbreeding other white trash hicks. A normal, honest and nice filipino man shouldn't be closed certain opportunities in life just because of the color of his skin.

[bulrush]

It's not about the color of your skin, it's about character. I'm sorry this is so painful for you, but I can't help you much.

She warned you she always did what her mom told her to. That's the risk you take when you date someone like this who is not very independent, or who is easily influenced by others. Also, some people are highly influenced by their parents, especially if their parents pay all the college bills and other bills. Basically, when the child depends on the parents, the parents have veto power by holding the money over their head.

[Wakeup]

well white trash hicks in the sterotypical term is nothing to be proud of. Yes, it's a form of racism, but noone should be proud of living in trailer parks, having babies from 10 different dads and f*cking your brother and your uncle. White trash hicks are a problem in society and they should stop interbreeding other white trash hicks.

Ohhhkaaaay! O.o

A normal, honest and nice filipino man shouldn't be closed certain opportunities in life just because of the color of his skin.

I agree there but I suppose the key words would be "normal and honest and nice." There are those that aren't and those that are in every race.

P.S. I still think Op's ex used her mother as an excuse to leave him. If she really wanted to be with him in a life-mate sense she'd still be with him. His "colour" or his nationality didn't have much to do with the fact IMO. I'm thinking people who hate or discriminate or denigrate just for who they are (poor as an example) or where they live (trailer parks as an example) wouldn't even have sex with that person or even just date them in the first place if they were that prejudice enough to break up with them over the "colour of their skin." JMO.

[bcgirl]

I know tons of people that follow their parents opinions. When you are still dependant on your parents for food, shelter, money, education, bills, car etc. etc. then you can't just run wild and free and do whatever you please. Ever heard the expression "my house, my rules"? Parents do have that power to tell their kids...."if you don't follow by my rules, you can go and live and afford yourself in the real world". I think we also seem to forget that most of us live in north america where we are brought up to think that we can just go and date whomever we want. Certain other parts of the world such as India aren't so carefree in that sense. There are things like arranged marriages which many people take very seriously and people end up marrying those they don't love for religion and family rather than love every single day.

[url]http://www.longislandpress.com/2012/01/30/family-guilty-of-honor-killing/[/url]

[jh0nathang35]

I was her first love, her first ever serious boyfriend. I even took away her virginity...

Everything was going well until her fight with her mom and older sis. She even told me stuff to start saving my money for the sake of our future.

She never went against her parents word in her life, and she won't cause everything has been right for her. We agreed friendship is not even in the future plans because she is afraid the feelings will come back.

This sucks, but I guess everyone goes through it, throwing away the poems she wrote me and donating all the gifts she gave me. Also going to be deleting all of our pictures we took together.

[Incognito]

Wow! Well if you take anything from this fiasco remember that any woman who admits to her parents being [that] involved in her life is not worth your time. Actually if anyone is [that] involved in her life before your relationship there stand to be many problems stemming from that involvement.

[searock]

The fact that you "took away her virginity" doesn't really mean anything either. Just so you know.