pushing him away?

[anon235]

In my last post i posted about how my boyfriend was a player but it seemed like he has changed.
today he talked about being with me forever and if i wanted a baby with him. i thought he was joking so i said no. You could see the hurt in his eyes. he just got up and stood by the door, staring at the wall. a few minutes later he came over by me and said if i dont want him forever or want a baby with him why am i with him, i should go find someone else that i want a baby with and who i want to be with forever.
am i pushing him away? am i hurting him?
i told him i only said no about being together forever because since he was a player i dont want him to get bored and go back to his ways and me getting hurt. He said he shows me all his love he does everything for me,he says he only works, is at home and spends time with me, if he wanted someone else then why would he be spending so much time with me.
i do love him im crazy about him, he makes me happy, when im mad, if i look at him i just smile, we have everything, we have a great life together, and theres so much that i feel for him but its way to much to explain.
but i want to know do you think if i keep saying no that he will end up leaving. is he really serious about being with meforever and wanting a baby. i know forever is not always true but i mean be together for a long long time.
i was thinking about talking to him tomorrow planning something sweet and tell him how ireally feel how i want him to be mine forever cause i dontsee myself without him?

[bulrush]

You two seriously need to talk about the kid thing. Sounds like you don't want kids now, but do you ever want them in the future? If so, you should tell him when you might be ready for kids. It's not a guarentee, just an estimate. Because it sounds like he wants kids sometime, so the question is, can he wait for you to be ready?

For most couples, the kid issue is a deal breaker. I never met a girl in their 20s who didn't want kids. IME.

[bcgirl]

sometimes people say lovey dovey things after they've done something really bad like cheating.... after he has time to stick his d*ck in some other ass, he regrets it and realizes that it wasn't so "great" and that he really wants you back forever.....blah.

[Wakeup]

In my last post i posted about how my boyfriend was a player but it seemed like he has changed.
today he talked about being with me forever and if i wanted a baby with him. i thought he was joking so i said no. You could see the hurt in his eyes. he just got up and stood by the door, staring at the wall. a few minutes later he came over by me and said if i dont want him forever or want a baby with him why am i with him, i should go find someone else that i want a baby with and who i want to be with forever.
am i pushing him away? am i hurting him?
i told him i only said no about being together forever because since he was a player i dont want him to get bored and go back to his ways and me getting hurt. He said he shows me all his love he does everything for me,he says he only works, is at home and spends time with me, if he wanted someone else then why would he be spending so much time with me.
i do love him im crazy about him, he makes me happy, when im mad, if i look at him i just smile, we have everything, we have a great life together, and theres so much that i feel for him but its way to much to explain.
but i want to know do you think if i keep saying no that he will end up leaving. is he really serious about being with meforever and wanting a baby. i know forever is not always true but i mean be together for a long long time.
i was thinking about talking to him tomorrow planning something sweet and tell him how ireally feel how i want him to be mine forever cause i dontsee myself without him?

The first thing you should ask him is why he would want a baby with you when you're not even married and he hasn't committed to you by even living with you. You should not be talking about having a baby until you've learned for sure through his actions whether or not he really has changed or he's just telling you what you want to hear.

You don't trust this man so having a baby with a man you don't trust is just a recipe for disaster. Let him sulk, don't worry about pushing him away because if he'd leave just because you won't have his illigitimate baby then he's best to be gone.

I think the very fact that you've started at least three threads about this guy and how you don't trust him indicates the foolishness of even contemplating children with this man anytime soon.

How old are you and he how long have you been "dating?"

[smackie9]

Step up or step off. If you trust him, take your time, have many talks of open honest communication, if you can't find yourself trusting him enough, then end it.

I agree with everyone, having a baby should be something way way down the road, with you two being married. A ring on that finger will be the proof that he is in it for the long haul. I know a player isn't a player forever. Now go and be honest with him.....stop with these bull s hit games, it's ruining any chances with him. All it's doing is killing him inside you fool.

[anon235]

i do trust him i just dont want to get hurt, and he says he wont hurt me,
and i know i am going to wait to have a baby until im married im not having one yet. its just him talking about it, he talks about the furture alot now
but i trust him

[smackie9]

"I do trust him but I don't want to get hurt" is quite a hyprocritical statement. "I don't want to get hurt" is saying you are having doubts. You even said he could get bored and go back to his old ways. Well everyone has doubts when they are falling in love, and it is quite normal to talk about the future at this stage of the relationship....the honeymoon stage. But it's just talk, and not to be taken as a promise.....player or not. This talk of the furture will pass. Once you get to the year and a half point in your relationship, and the obession part dies down, you will see what direction your relationship will go. Going into any kind of relationship, you will have risks.....it's just part of life.

[Wakeup]

"I do trust him but I don't want to get hurt" is quite a hyprocritical statement. "I don't want to get hurt" is saying you are having doubts. You even said he could get bored and go back to his old ways. Well everyone has doubts when they are falling in love, and it is quite normal to talk about the future at this stage of the relationship....the honeymoon stage. But it's just talk, and not to be taken as a promise.....player or not. This talk of the furture will pass. Once you get to the year and a half point in your relationship, and the obession part dies down, you will see what direction your relationship will go. Going into any kind of relationship, you will have risks.....it's just part of life.

Good post, Smackie. (where the hell is the "thanks" button when ya need it?)

[oldskool83]

i dont belive players change, ive watched my best friend fck everything up....now when he has somthing good again and he stopped he couldnt resist anymore...and he will fck the new relationship up again because of having 4-5 dif girls on the side.

now im ont dating my friend lol but i knew he couldnt stop, if you have any dought you need to get out...your insecurities could ruin it in the long run. my. 04 cents from a male friend perspective.

[smackie9]

An ex BF of mine was a player.....he did eventually got married and they had a kid together. Once they get close to 30 they realize they can't "hit it" like they used to.